{"title":"Best Sellers","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFREE Expedited Shipping Worldwide on ALL Orders!❤️\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"get-this-man-behind-the-wheel-tee","title":"Get This Man Behind The Wheel Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Get This Man Behind The Wheel tee from Unethical Threads is for people whose friends should never be trusted with heavy machinery. It says what the group chat is already thinking. Wear it loud, wear it proud, wear it to the bar.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've been that guy, or people who know that guy. So basically everyone at the bar after midnight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt hits hardest when someone reads it out loud three rounds in. It's the uniform for friend groups that communicate exclusively through bad decisions and memes. If you've ever pointed at your buddy and said \"get this man behind the wheel\" while he could barely stand, congratulations, this is your merch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a disposable napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bad ideas come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck, classic cut\u003c\/strong\u003e, nothing weird going on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric so the colors stay locked in longer than your Uber rating\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, which is good because you're going to need that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone who's earned this shirt, you already know exactly who they are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the kind of gift that makes the whole room point at one person. Perfect for birthdays, bachelor parties, or just rewarding your most chaotic friend for being consistently terrible at every decision they've ever made. Pair it with a Lyft gift card if you want to be responsible about it (you won't).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Get This Man Behind The Wheel shirt soft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Heavyweight cotton but comfortable from the first wear. Not stiff, not scratchy, just solid.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs true to size for most people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMinimal shrinkage if you follow the care instructions. 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The design does enough\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the ink bonds into the fabric fibers. No peeling, no cracking, no sad faded graphic after ten washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWhite colorway\u003c\/strong\u003e so the graphic hits exactly as hard as intended\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Immediately yes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life vapes and has a sense of humor about it (or honestly, even if they don't), this is the move. It's funnier than a gift card, more personal than socks, and way more memorable than whatever generic thing you were about to default to. Birthday, holiday, \"I saw this and thought of you\" energy. All of it works.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt about vaping?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou already know the answer. If you're asking, you probably need one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Relaxed unisex fit, so it works whether you size for comfort or keep it fitted.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric fibers. It holds up through regular washing without peeling or cracking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the shirt comfortable for daily wear?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a relaxed fit and crew neck. 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This is the gambling humor shirt that says what your bank statement already knows. Heavyweight cotton, looks great at the casino, the track, or the unemployment office.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've made peace with their financial decisions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe guy at the poker table who's been rebuying all night. The sports bettor watching their parlay die on the last leg. Your friend who just discovered options trading. Basically anyone who loses money recreationally and wants the world to know they're fully aware.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like money you'll never see again (thick, soft, not that thin stuff)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, so your whole degenerate friend group is covered\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you've already made enough questionable choices today\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric, colors stay vivid wash after wash (unlike your brokerage account)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, which is more than we can say for your betting history\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for a gambler?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift for a gambler, because they definitely can't afford to buy it themselves.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePoker night, fantasy football draft, casino trip, bachelor party, or just because someone in your life keeps sending you screenshots of their losses. The I Love Losing Money tee is the shirt they didn't know they needed. And it costs less than one bad hand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit. If you're between sizes, go with your usual. Available in S through 4XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not slapped on top. Colors hold up through the wash cycle better than your portfolio holds up through earnings season.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this just about gambling?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's about whatever way you love losing money. Gambling, crypto, stocks, online shopping at 2 AM. The shirt doesn't judge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I actually wear this to a casino?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can and you should. The pit boss has seen worse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40155683029074,"sku":"LosingMoney-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40155683094610,"sku":"LosingMoney-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40155683160146,"sku":"LosingMoney-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40155683225682,"sku":"LosingMoney-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40155683291218,"sku":"LosingMoney-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515175907410,"sku":"LosingMoney-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515175972946,"sku":"LosingMoney-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40155683061842,"sku":"LosingMoney-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40155683127378,"sku":"LosingMoney-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40155683192914,"sku":"LosingMoney-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40155683258450,"sku":"LosingMoney-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40155683323986,"sku":"LosingMoney-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515175940178,"sku":"LosingMoney-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515176005714,"sku":"LosingMoney-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/64079c3b433a3d93e0f0ee7b1c873c35.jpg?v=1762470242"},{"product_id":"bring-me-my-keys-tee","title":"Bring me my Keys Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Bring me my Keys Tee from Unethical Threads is for the friend who's already lost one shoe and is still patting their pockets at 1 AM. You know exactly who you are. We're not endorsing anything here, we're just printing what everyone's thinking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople with poor judgment and great taste in shirts.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe kind of person who says \"I'm fine\" while knocking over a barstool. If you've ever been physically separated from your car keys by concerned friends, this tee was designed with you in mind. Or as a gift from those friends, which honestly might be the move.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can take a beating, much like your liver\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because bad decisions come in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic cut, nothing complicated\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the graphic stays crisp long after the memories fade\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, turn inside out, cold wash, you know the drill\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of the best.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your group chat always needs a ride home, this is their shirt. It's cheaper than bail money and gets the point across just as clearly. Birthday, holiday, intervention, whatever the occasion, it works.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit that runs true from S to 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The DTG print holds up wash after wash. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's kind of the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight 100% cotton. Feels solid, not thin and flimsy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gag gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's one of the best gag gifts for the friend who's been cut off at the bar one too many times. They'll either love it or feel personally attacked. Ideally both.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40157145956434,"sku":"BringKeys-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40157146054738,"sku":"BringKeys-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40157146120274,"sku":"BringKeys-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40157146218578,"sku":"BringKeys-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40157146284114,"sku":"BringKeys-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515155722322,"sku":"BringKeys-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515155787858,"sku":"BringKeys-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/055f92853d2e2c19eb8ef915bdb866b5.jpg?v=1762470252"},{"product_id":"evict-congress-tee","title":"Evict Congress Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Evict Congress Tee from Unethical Threads is for everyone who's watched C-SPAN and thought \"every single one of them.\" Not left, not right, just done. This is the rare political tee that doesn't pick a side because both sides earned it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly? Everyone from your libertarian uncle to your socialist coworker.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Evict Congress Tee hits because it's not about party lines, it's about the shared national pastime of being completely fed up with all of them. 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Mostly because they've already spent their own money on a nine-leg parlay that busted in the first quarter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey can't afford to buy themselves nice things right now. You're doing charity work here. Wrap it up, hand it over, and watch them laugh while quietly calculating if they can still hit their weekend accumulator.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt soft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Heavyweight cotton, pre-shrunk, and softer than the line movement on a Thursday night game nobody cares about.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Sports Betting Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. 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It's the shirt you hand to your best friend while they're already laughing because they know exactly why you bought it. Context matters. Read the room, then ignore it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Standard unisex relaxed fit. If you're between sizes, go up. Check the size chart to be sure.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this get a reaction?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCount on it. Some people will laugh, some will squint and reread it, and a few will pretend they didn't see it. All good outcomes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the print quality?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG (direct to garment) printing. The design won't crack or fade. 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But honestly, once you wear it out once, you're keeping it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40191758696530,"sku":"Vehicle-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40191758762066,"sku":"Vehicle-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40191758827602,"sku":"Vehicle-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40191758893138,"sku":"Vehicle-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40191758958674,"sku":"Vehicle-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515186884690,"sku":"Vehicle-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515186950226,"sku":"Vehicle-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40191758663762,"sku":"Vehicle-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40191758729298,"sku":"Vehicle-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40191758794834,"sku":"Vehicle-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40191758860370,"sku":"Vehicle-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40191758925906,"sku":"Vehicle-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515186851922,"sku":"Vehicle-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515186917458,"sku":"Vehicle-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/daaf33774b25ba5e25c8a2088f90a492.jpg?v=1762470528"},{"product_id":"car-battery-donor-tee","title":"Car Battery Donor TEE","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Car Battery Donor tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone who's been doing their part for the Pacific Ocean, one 12-volt at a time. 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This shirt marks you as someone who gets the joke and isn't afraid to wear it to Thanksgiving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that could theoretically survive a trip to the ocean floor (please don't test this)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because environmental activism comes in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because V-necks are for people who actually recycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the graphic holds its color through every wash cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOne deeply questionable stance on marine conservation, included free of charge\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eCan I gift this without getting uninvited from things?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends entirely on the recipient.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they've ever sent you the car battery meme unprompted, this is their shirt. If they volunteer at a marine sanctuary, maybe just get them a candle. The Car Battery Donor tee is a gift for your funniest friend, your unhinged coworker, or that one cousin who always takes it too far.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Car Battery Donor shirt soft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Heavyweight cotton, but soft, not scratchy. Comfortable enough to wear on repeat, and it holds up to regular washing without losing shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit that runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing locks the ink into the fabric fibers, so it stays vibrant through the wash cycle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs it actually legal to throw car batteries in the ocean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. Absolutely not. Do not do this. But you can wear the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40198170280018,"sku":"CarBattery-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40198170312786,"sku":"CarBattery-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40198170345554,"sku":"CarBattery-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40198170378322,"sku":"CarBattery-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40198170411090,"sku":"CarBattery-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515157721170,"sku":"CarBattery-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515157753938,"sku":"CarBattery-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/66e72b3d04f620c930f9173318596cdf.jpg?v=1762470546"},{"product_id":"one-more-bump-tee","title":"One more Bump Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe One More Bump Tee from Unethical Threads is a dark humor graphic tee for people who know exactly what that means. No explanation needed. This is the shirt you wear when subtlety was never really your thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe friend in the group chat who always says \"just one more\" and never means it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLook, this shirt isn't for everybody, and that's the entire point. It's for the person who peaked at the afterparty and made it their whole personality. The kind of person who tells stories that start with \"okay, so\" and end with someone losing a shoe. If that's you, the One More Bump tee was basically made in your honor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bad decisions come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because we're degenerates, not animals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e (direct-to-garment) so the design won't crack, peel, or bail on you after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, which you'll appreciate the morning after\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you have to wonder whether they'd find it funny, they're not the right person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut the right person? They'll wear it to brunch. They'll wear it to Thanksgiving. They'll send you a selfie in it at 1 AM with no context. The One More Bump tee is for people who'd rather laugh about it than pretend it never happened. It's a perfect gift for anyone whose sense of humor makes their parents nervous.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, so it runs slightly roomy. Stick with your usual size for a standard look, or size up one if you want it oversized.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the print quality like?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printing. The design is printed into the fabric, not slapped on top. It won't crack, peel, or fade after washing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's sort of the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow long does shipping take?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost orders ship within 3 to 5 business days. Delivery times vary by location.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I return it if it doesn't fit?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCheck our return policy on the site. We want you in the right size, so read the size chart before ordering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40199669219410,"sku":"Bump-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40199669252178,"sku":"Bump-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40199669284946,"sku":"Bump-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40199669317714,"sku":"Bump-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40199669350482,"sku":"Bump-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515188981842,"sku":"Bump-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515189047378,"sku":"Bump-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40360930508882,"sku":"Bump-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40360930541650,"sku":"Bump-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40360930574418,"sku":"Bump-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40360930607186,"sku":"Bump-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40360930639954,"sku":"Bump-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515189014610,"sku":"Bump-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515189080146,"sku":"Bump-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/2c88a310ddbe990d5a1ec6658ccd8c38.jpg?v=1762470553"},{"product_id":"rehab-is-for-quitters-tee","title":"Rehab is for Quitters Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Rehab is for Quitters tee from Unethical Threads is for people who commit to their bad decisions. 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This is the shirt you throw on when you want everyone at the cookout to know exactly where you stand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can handle whatever you spill on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (room for poor life choices and snacks)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're not an animal\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds its color longer than you hold your liquor\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with bad decisions and a complete lack of shame\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift for anyone who scares you a little at parties.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe friend who says \"one more round\" at 2 AM and means it. 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Heavyweight cotton, full DTG print, and the kind of nutritional advice you won't find on a cereal box. You already know if this is your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think innuendo is a love language. This is for the person in your friend group who says the thing everyone else was thinking. The one whose texts would get read aloud in court someday. If you've ever made a nurse laugh during a physical, congratulations, you're the target demographic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL, because strong bones come in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, nothing fancy, nothing wrong with that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors stay vivid even after your mom washes it trying to make it disappear\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e, because surprises belong in the joke, not the fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift for someone you actually like. Not your coworker. Not your boss. The friend who sends you memes at 2 AM that you can't open in public. Wrap it or don't. The shirt speaks for itself the second they unfold it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Pussy Builds Strong Bones shirt true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but most people find their usual size works.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The DTG print is made to hold color wash after wash. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it, but it handles regular wear just fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this come in other colors?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis listing is for the black version. Check our store for other colorways and similar designs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on your definition of appropriate. We've seen people wear it to barbecues, bars, and the occasional PTA meeting. Results vary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe can't stop you. 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Twenty years of creative accounting, and all you got was this shirt. Honestly, it's more recognition than the government will ever give you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears a tax evasion shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think April 15th is a suggestion.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend who \"knows a guy\" for their taxes, the libertarian uncle at Thanksgiving, anyone who's ever Googled \"is bartering taxable\" at 2 AM. This shirt finds its people, and those people are hilarious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that's thicker than your offshore account paperwork\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you're evading taxes, not fashion\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that keeps its color longer than most people keep receipts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable. Unlike your financial records, this can handle scrutiny.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for the person in your life who treats tax season like a competitive sport.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthday, Christmas, April 15th (their least favorite holiday). Just don't include a gift receipt. You know, for practice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually endorsing tax evasion?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is a humor tee. We sell jokes on cotton, not financial advice. Please pay your taxes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the 20 Year Tax Evasion Award Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, and 4XL. 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Not the thin, see-through stuff you get from bargain sites.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Ice Grey \/ Small","offer_id":40313326141522,"sku":"20Year-Grey-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ Medium","offer_id":40313326207058,"sku":"20Year-Grey-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ Large","offer_id":40313326272594,"sku":"20Year-Grey-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ XL","offer_id":40313326338130,"sku":"20Year-Grey-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":40313326403666,"sku":"20Year-Grey-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515138977874,"sku":"20Year-Grey-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515139043410,"sku":"20Year-Grey-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40313326174290,"sku":"20Year-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40313326239826,"sku":"20Year-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40313326305362,"sku":"20Year-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40313326370898,"sku":"20Year-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40313326436434,"sku":"20Year-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515139010642,"sku":"20Year-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515139076178,"sku":"20Year-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/e180a826c4384bb4be1fc160f7c4cc06.jpg?v=1762471456"},{"product_id":"spread-cheeks-not-hate-tee","title":"Spread Cheeks Not Hate Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Spread Cheeks Not Hate tee is Unethical Threads at peak form: a message so pure, so wholesome, so anatomically charged that it loops right back around to being a public service. You're not being crude. You're being an activist. A very specific kind of activist.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think kindness and cheeks aren't mutually exclusive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend who says the quiet part loud at every barbecue. The person in the group chat who makes everyone screenshot their messages. If you've ever been told \"you can't wear that,\" this is probably your next purchase.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a shirt, not a costume you'd throw away after Halloween\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (yes, 4XL, because we're inclusive in every direction)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're spreading cheeks, not wearing a V-neck to a job interview\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors stay vivid long after you've lost the receipt\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e, because this shirt should be the only thing in your life that doesn't shrink under pressure\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. 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It says exactly what you think it says. If you've ever wanted to announce a very specific, very niche championship victory to everyone at the grocery store, congratulations, here's your jersey.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in recreational activities you won't find on ESPN. Your friend who says the worst possible thing at dinner and somehow gets the biggest laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLook, if you have to ask whether this shirt is for you, it probably isn't. But you're still reading, so let's not pretend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like it costs more than your decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL (champions come in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because apparently you're classy like that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e locks color into the fabric, not on top of it. Stays vivid wash after wash.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it won't abandon you after one cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if you really know the person. This isn't a \"safe pick\" gift. 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You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople with a sense of humor and absolutely no filter. If you've ever made a milk delivery joke at a dinner party and watched the table split between laughter and silence, this was designed for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's also weirdly popular as a dad shirt. We see the orders. We don't ask questions. 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You just show up and let the shirt cook.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can survive your questionable life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (we don't gatekeep sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're chaotic but not that chaotic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid longer than your attention span\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable.\u003c\/strong\u003e We know you're not hand-washing anything.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. It's the gift you get someone when a gift card feels too safe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for the friend who sends memes at 2am, the coworker who shouldn't be allowed to pick the playlist, or literally anyone who's ever said \"trust the process\" without irony. Wrap it or don't. They'll get it either way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does \"Let Him Cook\" mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a meme. If you have to ask, this shirt might not be for you, but we respect the curiosity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about Breaking Bad?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe shirt is about letting someone cook. What they're cooking is between them and their chemistry set.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. 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Wear it to brunch, wear it to therapy, wear it to the argument you're about to win by pretending it never happened.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a translucent napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL (gaslighting is for everybody)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic cut, nothing weird going on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e for colors that don't bail on you after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e, because at least your shirt should be predictable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift for the friend who swears they never said what they definitely said last Tuesday.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlso works for siblings, coworkers who \"don't remember that email,\" and yourself. 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You already know what this is about. So does everyone who sees you wearing it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople in committed relationships. With ass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you see \"Till Death Do Us Part\" and your brain goes somewhere the priest didn't intend, congratulations. You're our people. Wear it to the bar, to brunch, to your in-laws' house if you're feeling brave. Nobody's going to ask you to explain it. 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If you have to explain the joke, wrong person. Get them a candle or something. This tee is for the friend who already has a reputation and has chosen to lean into it permanently.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Till Death Do Us Part tee actually about what I think it's about?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe can neither confirm nor deny. But also yes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Everyone can represent.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. 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An Unethical Threads original, printed on heavyweight cotton that feels as committed to comfort as you are to your life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone who laughed before they finished reading the shirt. Veterans who get the joke, civilians who wish they'd thought of it, and your friend who collects shirts that make HR nervous.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis one crosses every demographic in ways that would confuse a marketing team. It sells in red states and blue states equally. We stopped trying to figure that out a long time ago.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a gas station tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because V-necks are a choice and we didn't make it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors stay put no matter how many times you wash it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, because nobody needs that kind of betrayal on laundry day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you have to ask, it's not for the person you're thinking of right now. But the person who just popped into your head while you were reading the title? Yeah, get them one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the shirt people open at the party and immediately put on over what they're already wearing. It pairs well with bad decisions and a complete lack of interest in career advice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on your audience. We think it's hilarious. Your recruiter might disagree.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric. 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You're not just making it rain. You're making a difference.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who tip well and talk about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever described yourself as \"a real community guy\" with a straight face while holding a stack of ones, this is your uniform. It's the kind of shirt that says everything without you having to explain your Friday night.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like it costs more than your cover charge\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're classy like that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors stay loud even after your dignity fades\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable in multiple colors for the philanthropist of many moods\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is what you get for the friend who peaked as best man at a bachelor party. The one who still tells that Vegas story. Hand it over at his birthday, Christmas, or any random Tuesday and watch the room split between laughter and concern. Pair it with a stack of singles for maximum effect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about supporting single moms?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSure. In the same way a lap dance is performance art. Interpret it however keeps you comfortable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I Support Single Moms tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSizes S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on pretty much everybody with questionable taste.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. The shirt stays the same size. 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Whether you should is between you and your HR department.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40440477646930,"sku":"SingleMom-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40440477679698,"sku":"SingleMom-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40440477712466,"sku":"SingleMom-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40440477745234,"sku":"SingleMom-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40440477778002,"sku":"SingleMom-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515176169554,"sku":"SingleMom-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515176202322,"sku":"SingleMom-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ Small","offer_id":40440477810770,"sku":"SingleMom-Grey-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ Medium","offer_id":40440477843538,"sku":"SingleMom-Grey-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ Large","offer_id":40440477876306,"sku":"SingleMom-Grey-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ XL","offer_id":40440477909074,"sku":"SingleMom-Grey-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":40440477941842,"sku":"SingleMom-Grey-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515176235090,"sku":"SingleMom-Grey-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515176267858,"sku":"SingleMom-Grey-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ Small","offer_id":40440477974610,"sku":"SingleMom-Sand-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ Medium","offer_id":40440478007378,"sku":"SingleMom-Sand-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ Large","offer_id":40440478040146,"sku":"SingleMom-Sand-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ XL","offer_id":40440478072914,"sku":"SingleMom-Sand-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ 2XL","offer_id":40440478105682,"sku":"SingleMom-Sand-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515176300626,"sku":"SingleMom-Sand-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515176333394,"sku":"SingleMom-Sand-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/8ede940a2b34226db3281ae24b8e154c.jpg?v=1762472978"},{"product_id":"do-not-give-me-a-cigarette-tee","title":"Do Not Give Me A Cigarette Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Do Not Give Me A Cigarette tee from Unethical Threads is what happens when your willpower needs a wearable PR team. You've quit. Probably. This shirt tells everyone around you to stop being so generous before you fold like a lawn chair at a barbecue.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually needs this shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's \"quit\" smoking more times than they can count.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know the type. Says \"I'm not a smoker, I only smoke when I drink\" and then somehow drinks five nights a week. If your friends keep offering and you've got the spine of a wet napkin when it comes to saying no, let the shirt do the talking. Outsource your willpower to cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that holds up better than your resolve\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print for colors that stay vivid through every wash cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because at least something in your life won't backslide\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this actually help you quit?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. We sell shirts, not therapy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut wearing a Do Not Give Me A Cigarette tee in public does add a weird layer of social accountability. It's like telling everyone at the gym you're training for a marathon. Now you kind of have to follow through, or at least look like you're trying.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone trying to quit smoking?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone who keeps \"quitting\" every other Monday, yes. It's the kind of gift that says \"I care about you but I'm also going to roast you about it.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Comfortable on everyone regardless of how stress-eating through nicotine withdrawal is going.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. Follow the care instructions and the print will outlast your cravings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this just for smokers?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically anyone can wear it. But it hits different when you've actually white-knuckled your way through a party without bumming one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt material?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton, soft and sturdy. 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No mask needed. Just the thousand-yard stare and a shirt that says what everyone at the party is already thinking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who hand out candy while making their political opinions everyone else's problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour uncle who won't shut up at Thanksgiving. The friend group chat villain who sends memes at 2am. If you've ever called yourself \"fiscally conservative, socially hilarious,\" this is your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like quality, not like a free rally handout\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (fits every body type at the party)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because V-necks are for a different kind of statement\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay vivid long after the election cycle ends\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. Won't mysteriously shrink like approval ratings.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. It's the gift that gets you remembered at the Halloween party and possibly uninvited from the next one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for the political junkie in your life, the friend who turns every group chat into a debate stage, or just yourself. Self-care is buying shirts that make you laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on your dinner table. We make shirts for people with a sense of humor. If you're buying this, you already know your audience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Happy Halloween Joe Biden shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit that works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which means the design is part of the fabric. Wash it normally and it holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this outside of Halloween?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. July 4th would be particularly funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Thick enough to feel substantial, soft enough that you'll actually want to wear it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40455399211090,"sku":"HalloweenJoe-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40455399243858,"sku":"HalloweenJoe-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40455399276626,"sku":"HalloweenJoe-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40455399309394,"sku":"HalloweenJoe-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40455399342162,"sku":"HalloweenJoe-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515171975250,"sku":"HalloweenJoe-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515172008018,"sku":"HalloweenJoe-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/efb1579ab5cfaa465d098d5735bd0c34_1.jpg?v=1762473362"},{"product_id":"ronald-ragin-tee","title":"Ronald Ragin' Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Ronald Ragin' Tee from Unethical Threads is Reagan reimagined with the energy of someone three beers deep at a Fourth of July cookout. Political humor for people who don't take politics, or themselves, too seriously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour uncle who won't stop talking about the '80s. The guy at the barbecue who somehow knows every president's middle name but can't remember his own anniversary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, anyone who thinks Reagan's best quality was his meme potential. It pairs well with cargo shorts, a cold one, and opinions you didn't ask for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like an actual shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a 5K you didn't finish\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (ragin' comes in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors don't bail on you after a few cycles\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs nicely with bad takes and cold beer\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. If you know someone who laughs at presidential memes, watches political documentaries for fun, or has ever unironically said 'they don't make presidents like they used to,' this is their shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorks for birthdays, Father's Day, the Fourth, or just because you feel like being the best gift-giver in the group chat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Ronald Ragin' shirt offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a Reagan pun, not a manifesto. If someone gets upset about wordplay involving a president from the 1980s, that says more about them than the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Ronald Ragin' tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for basically everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. Wash inside out on cold if you want to be extra careful, but it's not required.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with real substance to it. Not that thin stuff that goes see-through after two washes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a Fourth of July party?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can wear it wherever you want. But yes, it plays especially well at cookouts, barbecues, and anywhere people have a sense of humor about politics.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40455399866450,"sku":"Ronald-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40455399899218,"sku":"Ronald-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40455399931986,"sku":"Ronald-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40455399964754,"sku":"Ronald-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40455399997522,"sku":"Ronald-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515191373906,"sku":"Ronald-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515191406674,"sku":"Ronald-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ Small","offer_id":40455400030290,"sku":"Ronald-Red-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ Medium","offer_id":40455400063058,"sku":"Ronald-Red-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ Large","offer_id":40455400095826,"sku":"Ronald-Red-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ XL","offer_id":40455400128594,"sku":"Ronald-Red-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 2XL","offer_id":40455400161362,"sku":"Ronald-Red-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515191439442,"sku":"Ronald-Red-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515191472210,"sku":"Ronald-Red-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/d99be59c6b8d2a87908ac9f4218f4820.jpg?v=1762473364"},{"product_id":"ben-drankin-tee","title":"Ben Drankin' Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Ben Drankin' Tee from Unethical Threads puts Benjamin Franklin where he belongs: on your chest, holding a beer. History class never covered this part, and that's probably for the best. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think the founding fathers would've been fun at parties.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHistory buffs with a bar tab. The friend who shows up to a Fourth of July cookout already three beers deep and ready to quote the Constitution from memory. This is their uniform. You're either one of these people or you're buying it for one of these people, and either way, solid move.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't disintegrate after two wash cycles like that gas station tee you wore in college\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Room for freedom (and food)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic. Clean. Like Ben would've wanted.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay put longer than most of your New Year's resolutions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eActually comfortable enough to nap in. Not that we're encouraging that.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has ever said \"I would've partied with the founding fathers\" without a shred of irony, this is their shirt. Works for birthdays, holidays, bachelor parties, or just rewarding someone for being exactly who they are. If they don't laugh, you need funnier friends.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S through 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric. Wash it however you want.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for Fourth of July?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the most appropriate thing you'll wear all day. Definitely more patriotic than whatever your uncle has on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Soft but sturdy. Not the thin see-through stuff you'd find at a tourist trap.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your job. If you work from home, absolutely. If you work in an office, that's between you and HR.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40455400521810,"sku":"BenDrankin-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40455400554578,"sku":"BenDrankin-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40455400587346,"sku":"BenDrankin-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40455400620114,"sku":"BenDrankin-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40455400652882,"sku":"BenDrankin-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515147792466,"sku":"BenDrankin-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515147825234,"sku":"BenDrankin-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/f193746f9fa0369af2ac97aa8ac77b8e.jpg?v=1762473364"},{"product_id":"dilf-damn-i-love-freedom-tee","title":"*NEW* Damn I Love Freedom Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe \u003cem\u003eNEW\u003c\/em\u003e Damn I Love Freedom Tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone proudly repping DILF status. It says exactly what it says. If you know, you know, and if you don't, the person next to you at the cookout definitely will.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDads, future dads, and anyone who proudly self-identifies as a DILF. If you think patriotism and a well-placed double meaning aren't mutually exclusive, this shirt was made for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThrow it on for the Fourth of July, Memorial Day, or literally any Tuesday because loving freedom isn't seasonal. Your partner might sigh. Your buddies will want one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (we believe in freedom for every body type)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because V-necks are a choice and this shirt already made enough choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that keeps its color through countless washes, no cracking, no fading\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable. You've got better things to do.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the gift that gets the biggest reaction at the party. Perfect for the DILF in your life, self-proclaimed or otherwise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorks for Father's Day, birthdays, white elephant exchanges, or just because someone deserves to walk around looking like a national treasure. 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Unisex relaxed fit so it works for pretty much everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton, pre-shrunk. Follow the care instructions like an adult and you'll be fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this around my parents?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can. Whether you should is between you and your family's sense of humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40455401537618,"sku":"DILF-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40455401570386,"sku":"DILF-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40455401603154,"sku":"DILF-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40455401635922,"sku":"DILF-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40455401668690,"sku":"DILF-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515162701906,"sku":"DILF-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515162734674,"sku":"DILF-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ Small","offer_id":40455401865298,"sku":"DILF-Grey-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ Medium","offer_id":40455401898066,"sku":"DILF-Grey-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ Large","offer_id":40455401930834,"sku":"DILF-Grey-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ XL","offer_id":40455401963602,"sku":"DILF-Grey-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":40455401996370,"sku":"DILF-Grey-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515162767442,"sku":"DILF-Grey-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515162800210,"sku":"DILF-Grey-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/04c9191b74112d0afcd65765c46947f6.jpg?v=1762473365"},{"product_id":"99-of-gamblers-quit-before-winning-big-tee","title":"99% Of Gamblers Quit Before Winning Big Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe 99% Of Gamblers Quit Before Winning Big tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone who sees \"down $800\" as a temporary setback. This is motivational wear for degenerates, the kind of shirt that says you've got a system and it's definitely working. Printed on heavyweight cotton so it outlasts your bankroll.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've opened a sports betting app at a funeral. Poker night regulars, fantasy league addicts, and anyone whose \"investment strategy\" involves a roulette wheel. If you've ever said \"I'm due\" with complete sincerity, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like money you didn't lose at the blackjack table\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL. Fits whether you're up or down.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck. Classic. Like your \"can't lose\" parlay.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print. 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Unisex relaxed fit so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, meaning the ink bonds directly to the fabric instead of sitting on top. The colors stay put.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. But the people it offends are the ones who quit at 98%, so their opinion doesn't count.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this just a cheap novelty shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton, relaxed fit, DTG print. This isn't a gas station t-shirt. It's a real shirt with a degenerate message on it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a casino?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can and you should. 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