{"title":"Funny Bisexual Shirts","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eShop Unethical Threads' funny bisexual shirts collection for designs that make people do a double-take. Our funny bisexual shirts bring the laughs without compromising on comfort or quality. Available in sizes S-4XL with hassle-free returns.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-funny-bisexual-shirts'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-funny-bisexual-shirts\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Funny Bisexual Shirts Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-pregnancy-shirts-twins\"\u003eFunny Pregnancy Shirts Twins\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-t-shirts-for-your-boss\"\u003eFunny T Shirts For Your Boss\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Funny Bisexual Shirts\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-bisexual-shirts\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"my-gf-beats-me-hat-funny-relationship-gag-trucker-hat","title":"My GF Beats Me Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe My GF Beats Me hat from Unethical Threads is a structured trucker hat for guys who've accepted that their relationship dynamic is public knowledge. Mesh back, snapback closure, and a front panel that says what your friends already know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's Actually Wearing This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGuys whose girlfriends are, let's say, competitive. At everything. Including arguments.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the hat that lives on a dashboard, gets worn to every cookout, and somehow ends up in every group photo. If your buddy's girl runs the relationship with an iron fist (lovingly, of course), this is what you hand him for his birthday.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front panel\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds its shape better than your excuses\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e because your relationship is already suffocating enough\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e, one size fits most heads and egos\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrisp, vibrant print\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't fade after your 50th \"yes dear\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic trucker hat profile.\u003c\/strong\u003e The kind your dad wore, but funnier\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gag Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt might be the best gag gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNothing says \"I see your relationship clearly\" like handing someone a My GF Beats Me hat at their own birthday party. Works for bachelor parties, fantasy football losers, or just because. The recipient will either laugh immediately or get very quiet, and both reactions are correct.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat adjustable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Snapback closure in the back fits most head sizes. One size, minimal drama.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print hold up?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe print is made to last. It won't crack, peel, or fade just because you wore it every day for a month straight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I actually wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat's the whole point. You'll get laughs, you'll get looks, and your girlfriend will have opinions. Wear it anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for my friend?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf your friend's girlfriend is the boss of the relationship (and everyone knows it), this is the gift. He'll hate that you're right and love the hat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ White \/ Black","offer_id":42012847374418,"sku":"1238575_15908","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Royal \/ Red","offer_id":42012847407186,"sku":"1238575_15909","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White","offer_id":42012847439954,"sku":"1238575_15905","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Pink \/ White \/ Light Pink","offer_id":42012847341650,"sku":"1238575_16750","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/My_GF_Beats_Me_Funny_Crazy_Trucker_Hat_For_Men_With_Dark_Humor.jpg?v=1762481909"},{"product_id":"trade-wars-trump-xi-tariff-t-shirt-meme-shirt","title":"*NEW* Trade Wars Trump Xi Tariff Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Trade Wars Trump Xi Tariff Tee from Unethical Threads is the unholy crossover nobody requested and everybody needed. Trump, Xi, and Trudeau in full Star Wars gear, lightsabers drawn over import duties. Because if the global economy is going to implode, it might as well look cinematic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears a Trade Wars shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who can laugh at all sides and have a deep appreciation for terrible puns.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever explained trade policy using movie references or sent a tariff meme to a group chat at 2 AM, this is your uniform. It hits whether you're Team Red, Team Blue, or Team \"I Just Think It's Funny.\" Nobody is safe on this tee, and that's exactly why it works.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a dryer sheet with a collar\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL (yes, 4XL, because freedom has no size limit)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't bail after two washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs nicely with unsolicited opinions at Thanksgiving dinner\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eCan I give this as a gift without starting a political argument?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, this might be the only political shirt that doesn't start a fistfight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Trade Wars tee roasts everyone equally, which makes it weirdly diplomatic for something this unhinged. Works for the friend who live-tweets press conferences and the one who only follows politics through memes. Both will get it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the Trade Wars tee pick a political side?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It roasts everyone equally. That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in for the long haul. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to be extra about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an official Star Wars product?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. This is a parody. Lucasfilm did not sign off on this, and frankly we think that's funnier.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a family dinner?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can wear it anywhere. Whether you should is between you and whoever's hosting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42028496388178,"sku":"TradeTar-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42028496420946,"sku":"TradeTar-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42028496453714,"sku":"TradeTar-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42028496486482,"sku":"TradeTar-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42028496519250,"sku":"TradeTar-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42028496552018,"sku":"TradeTar-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42028496584786,"sku":"TradeTar-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Trade_Wars_Trump_Xi_Jinping_Star_Wars_Meme_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481978"},{"product_id":"protect-the-dolls-t-shirt-pedro-pascal-save-transgender-tee","title":"Protect The Dolls Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Protect The Dolls tee from Unethical Threads is for everyone who watched Pedro Pascal become the internet's protective dad and thought \"yeah, that's a whole identity.\" Trans rights, feminist energy, and the kind of feral loyalty that only chronically online people understand. Wear it like you mean it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who don't need the meme explained to them. If you've ever typed \"protect them at all costs\" in a group chat, congratulations, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt hits different at pride, at brunch, at the grocery store when you just need the world to know where you stand. The kind of shirt that finds its people without trying. You'll lock eyes with a stranger across the bar and just nod. That's the whole interaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a gas station tissue\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because gatekeeping sizes is embarrassing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e for that \"I woke up like this\" energy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors don't quietly abandon you after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSoft enough to sleep in\u003c\/strong\u003e (we won't judge)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. If someone in your life has strong opinions about Pedro Pascal, trans rights, or both, you just found their next favorite shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the kind of gift that makes someone say \"you actually get me.\" Works for birthdays, pride, or just a random Tuesday when you want to be someone's favorite person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Protect The Dolls tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. DTG (direct to garment) printing keeps the colors locked in. No fading, no cracking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about Pedro Pascal?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you know, you know. It's about protecting who needs protecting. Pedro just happens to be the patron saint of that energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a crew neck. Comfortable enough for all day, sturdy enough that it won't fall apart on you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends on your workplace. If your HR department has a sense of humor, go for it. If not, save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42029904035922,"sku":"ProDolls-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42029904068690,"sku":"ProDolls-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42029904101458,"sku":"ProDolls-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42029904134226,"sku":"ProDolls-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42029904166994,"sku":"ProDolls-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42029904199762,"sku":"ProDolls-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42029904232530,"sku":"ProDolls-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Protect_The_Dolls_Pedro_Pascal_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481982"},{"product_id":"good-bush-bad-bush-george-w-bush-busch-apple-t-shirt","title":"Good Bush Bad Bush George W Busch Apple Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Good Bush Bad Bush George W Busch Apple Tee is where presidential history meets gas station beer in the worst possible way. Unethical Threads put them together so you didn't have to. You're welcome (and also, sorry).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho is this shirt actually for?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who see Busch Apple in the cooler and immediately think of foreign policy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your sense of humor has been flagged by the algorithm at least once this year, you're the target demo. This shirt lives at the intersection of history class and a tailgate that went completely off the rails. It's not for everyone, and that's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL (yes, 4XL, we see you)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because we're unhinged, not experimental\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid through your questionable life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it fits the same after laundry day, whenever that is for you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this get me in trouble?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. That's kind of the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Good Bush Bad Bush design is one of those shirts where half the room laughs and the other half pretends they didn't. If you need plausible deniability, just say it's about beer. Technically, it is.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the Good Bush Bad Bush shirt mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a mashup of George W. Bush and Busch Apple beer. If you know, you know. If you don't, this probably isn't your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is baked into the fabric. Wash it normally and it holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf the person you're buying for laughs at things they probably shouldn't, yes. If they've ever forwarded you a meme with zero context, this is their shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42040622383186,"sku":"BapBush-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42040622415954,"sku":"BapBush-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42040622448722,"sku":"BapBush-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42040622481490,"sku":"BapBush-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42040622514258,"sku":"BapBush-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42040622547026,"sku":"BapBush-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42040622579794,"sku":"BapBush-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/0a6da287df11e2e5bd7b2eb8b2f72be7.jpg?v=1762482071"},{"product_id":"pope-leo-xiv-o-block-chicago-funny-meme-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* Pope Leo XIV O Block Chicago Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Pope Leo XIV O Block Chicago Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what happens when the first American pope picks up his Chicago roots and the internet loses its mind. Vatican meets the South Side. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this just for Chicago people?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNot even close. You don't need to know a single thing about O Block to appreciate the absolute chaos of the pope posted up with the boys. Chicago natives will catch the deep cut, everyone else will appreciate the audacity. Either way, this shirt hits.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL (yes, we accommodate the whole congregation)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because the pope would want it that way\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric, so the colors don't fade when you actually wash it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, meaning your tee won't become a crop top after one spin cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's kind of the whole point of wearing Unethical Threads. The pope is from Chicago, the meme wrote itself, and we just had the good sense to put it on cotton. If someone at brunch clutches their pearls, that sounds like a them problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eRuns true. It's a relaxed unisex fit, so if you're between sizes, either works. Check the size chart to get specific.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not some iron-on from 2004. Colors hold up through the wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually about Pope Leo XIV?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. The first American pope, Robert Prevost, took the name Leo XIV. He's from Chicago. The internet did what it does. We made the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the shirt feel like?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThick heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-paper stuff you get at tourist shops. This one actually holds its shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to church?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTechnically, yes. 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You already know the punchline. If you don't, this shirt isn't for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in middle school humor and are genuinely proud of it. The kind of person who sends screenshot-worthy texts to the group chat at 2 AM.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt lands hardest at cookouts, bar crawls, and anywhere your mom isn't. Though some of you will absolutely wear it in front of your mom, and honestly, respect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (yes, the big kids eat too)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck because we're unhinged, not unfashionable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the graphic stays vivid through countless washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to sleep in when you pass out on someone's couch\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a fantastic gift if you want to be the funniest person at the party and also possibly never invited back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for birthdays, white elephants, bachelor parties, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of someone specific. That instinct is correct. Trust it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Third Little Piggy shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSizes S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. The DTG print holds up. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it handles a normal cycle just fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. If your boss laughs at dirty jokes, go for it. If HR sends weekly emails about the dress code, save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the shirt comfortable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eVery. Heavyweight cotton but not stiff. Comfortable from the first wear with no break-in period.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42063142748242,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42063142781010,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42063142813778,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42063142846546,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42063142879314,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42063142912082,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42063142944850,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Call_Me_The_Third_Lil_Piggy_Cause_I_m_All_Bricked_Up_And_Ready_To_Get_Blown_Funny_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482118"},{"product_id":"new-its-only-a-problem-if-youre-losing-gambling-funny-shirt","title":"*NEW* It's Only A Problem If You're Losing Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe It's Only A Problem If You're Losing tee is for anyone who's ever justified a bad bet with worse logic. An Unethical Threads original for the gambler who insists they're \"up overall\" despite all evidence. Wear it to the casino, the poker table, or family dinner where you owe your brother money.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePoker players. Sports bettors. Slot machine loyalists who have a \"system.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever said \"I'm not addicted, I'm committed,\" this is your uniform. The kind of shirt you wear when you're up $200 and conveniently forget about last weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can survive a long night at the table\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck (the only safe bet you'll make today)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for color that actually lasts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, so it still fits after a losing streak stress-eating session\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for a gambler?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes, and they'll love it more than their last parlay loved them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for birthdays, bachelor parties, or as a subtle intervention nobody will take seriously. If they don't laugh, they're in denial about more than just their bankroll.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works whether you're built like a bouncer or a blackjack dealer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, so the colors hold up wash after wash. No cracking, no peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an appropriate gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor a gambler with a sense of humor, absolutely. For your boss or your grandma, maybe read the room first.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Thick enough to feel substantial, soft enough that you'll actually want to wear it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill people be offended by this shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSome people, sure. But if you're shopping at Unethical Threads, you already knew that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42109182345298,"sku":"ProblemLose-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42109182378066,"sku":"ProblemLose-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42109182410834,"sku":"ProblemLose-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42109182443602,"sku":"ProblemLose-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42109182476370,"sku":"ProblemLose-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42109182509138,"sku":"ProblemLose-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42109182541906,"sku":"ProblemLose-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Its_Only_A_Problem_If_You_re_Losing_Gambling_Casino_Poker_Meme_Shirt.jpg?v=1754379251"},{"product_id":"sir-racha-sriracha-medieval-meme-graphic-joke-tee","title":"*NEW* Sir Racha Sriracha Medieval Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Sir Racha Sriracha Medieval Tee from Unethical Threads puts your favorite hot sauce in full plate armor. It's the dumbest, most historically inaccurate crossover nobody asked for, and you're going to wear the hell out of it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying a shirt about medieval hot sauce?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople with taste, and by taste we mean the kind that gets you weird looks at family dinner. You're in good company.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Sir Racha tee lands with the person at the cookout who won't shut up about heat levels and also knows way too much about the Crusades. Sriracha fans, history nerds, pun enthusiasts, general chaos agents. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a promotional giveaway\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL, because knights come in all builds\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, as the king intended\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay locked in, not peeling off after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs nicely with actual sriracha stains (not a guarantee, just an observation)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this work as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. If someone in your life puts sriracha on everything and thinks they're funny, this is the move.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's specific enough to feel personal and weird enough that nobody else is getting them the same thing. That's the sweet spot for a gift. They'll know you actually thought about it, even if \"thinking about it\" took you thirty seconds on this page.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Sir Racha tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, so the design holds up through regular washing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt affiliated with Sriracha the brand?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. Sir Racha is our own parody, a ridiculous medieval twist on the hot sauce aesthetic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a crew neck. Solid construction, comfortable fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42133024145490,"sku":"SirRacha-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42133024178258,"sku":"SirRacha-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42133024211026,"sku":"SirRacha-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42133024243794,"sku":"SirRacha-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42133024276562,"sku":"SirRacha-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42133024309330,"sku":"SirRacha-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42133024342098,"sku":"SirRacha-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42133024374866,"sku":"SirRacha-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42133024407634,"sku":"SirRacha-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42133024440402,"sku":"SirRacha-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42133024473170,"sku":"SirRacha-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42133024505938,"sku":"SirRacha-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42133024538706,"sku":"SirRacha-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42133024571474,"sku":"SirRacha-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Sir_Racha_Sriracha_Medieval_Meme_Funny_Black_Shirt.jpg?v=1756378958"},{"product_id":"onlyfangs-t-shirt-funny-halloween-parody-tee","title":"Onlyfangs Halloween Parody Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Onlyfangs Halloween Parody Tee from Unethical Threads is for everyone who saw that logo and immediately thought of something with more bite. A vampire-themed parody that lands somewhere between spooky season and \"I can't believe you wore that.\" You already know what it's referencing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in October. The friend who shows up to the Halloween party in something nobody can post on Instagram.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your sense of humor comes with a content warning, the Onlyfangs tee is basically your uniform. It works at costume parties, horror movie nights, or just a regular Tuesday when you want people to give you a wide berth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a blood drive\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because some things don't need reinventing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the design stays sharp and the colors don't bail after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with fake blood and poor life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone whose humor skews \"probably shouldn't post that,\" absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the gift that says \"I get you\" without saying much else. If the recipient clutches pearls at puns, maybe get them a candle instead. The Onlyfangs tee is for people who laugh at the things they probably shouldn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Onlyfangs tee only for Halloween?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically it's a Halloween parody, but nobody's stopping you from wearing it year-round. Vampires don't have a season.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe design is DTG printed directly into the fabric, so it holds up wash after wash without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually funny or just edgy?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBoth. 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A rallying cry for anyone who believes world peace starts below the waist. If you need the joke explained, this one's not for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who make their friends choke on their drinks at brunch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt isn't for the person nervously scanning the room before they laugh. It's for the one who shows up, gets a standing ovation from the degenerates at the table, and becomes everyone's favorite person by dessert. 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Honestly, we respect the transparency.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a hackathon\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e for when you want to look normal from the neck up\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the confession stays crisp wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYes, the AI consented (probably)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift for someone who won't shut up about AI.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend who talks to ChatGPT more than actual humans? This. Your coworker who keeps saying \"I asked my AI about that\"? Also this. It's cheaper than an intervention and way funnier.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e It's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Wash it however you want.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e S through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e That's kind of the point. If everyone at the table laughs, you need a funnier table.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e DTG printing locks the ink into the fabric. It holds up through the wash cycle better than your dignity.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCan I actually have cybersex with ChatGPT?\u003c\/strong\u003e We sell shirts, not tech support. 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But the people who matter (your actual friends, strangers with taste, fellow deviants) are going to lose it. Wear it to brunch. Wear it to the airport if you want to become a TSA anecdote.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the 737 shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Runs true to size, works on every body type.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The DTG printing bonds ink directly into the fabric fibers. It holds up wash after wash without cracking, peeling, or fading.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they laugh at things they probably shouldn't, absolutely. 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If your entire personality runs on 23 flavors and bad decisions, this is the shirt that finally says it out loud.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who have replaced water with Dr Pepper and aren't sorry about it. The kind of person whose fridge has a dedicated Dr Pepper shelf, whose coworkers know not to touch the mini fridge stash, and who considers \"it's 10 AM\" to be a perfectly fine time for their fourth one. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like it costs more than your soda habit (it doesn't)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because even degenerates have standards\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print for color that won't bail after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable. 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Unisex relaxed fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe DTG print is designed to hold up. Wash inside out on cold, tumble dry low, and the colors stay put.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on your definition of appropriate. We'd wear it to brunch. 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Acetaminophen-fueled degeneracy, now available in cotton. You already know if this is your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who take four Tylenol before noon and still have plans after dark. Night shift workers, chronic pain warriors, anyone whose medicine cabinet does more heavy lifting than their gym membership. If your coping mechanisms have coping mechanisms, welcome home.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can survive your lifestyle and your questionable laundry schedule\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL. Every body type that's ever made a regrettable choice is covered.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck. The shirt does enough talking on its own.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print locks the colors in. No cracking, no peeling, no fading into a sad blur.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable. We both know you're not hand-washing anything.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this actually make a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. If someone in your life runs on painkillers and poor decisions, this is their uniform. Birthday, White Elephant, \"sorry about what I said at Thanksgiving,\" whatever works. Just make sure the recipient has a sense of humor. Or don't. We're not your parents.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually soft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's heavyweight cotton, but it breaks in nicely. Comfortable, not cardboard.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in for the long haul. No cracking, no peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLegally, yes. Socially, that's between you and whatever establishment you walk into.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow should I wash this?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low. Turn it inside out if you want to be fancy about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42168227659858,"sku":"TPPM-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42168227692626,"sku":"TPPM-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42168227725394,"sku":"TPPM-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42168227758162,"sku":"TPPM-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42168227790930,"sku":"TPPM-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42168227823698,"sku":"TPPM-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42168227856466,"sku":"TPPM-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/ylenol_Powered_Fuck_Machine_T-Shirt.jpg?v=1759527352"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/collections\/Funny_Bisexual_Shirts.jpg?v=1761607204","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/collections\/funny-bisexual-shirts.oembed","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}