{"title":"Funny Coffee Shirts","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDiscover Unethical Threads' funny coffee shirts collection featuring bold, unapologetically funny designs. Each piece combines quality materials with humor that actually lands. Shop funny coffee shirts with confidence - sizes S-4XL, fast shipping, 30-day guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-funny-coffee-shirts'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-funny-coffee-shirts\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Funny Coffee Shirts Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-womens-4th-of-july-shirts\"\u003eFunny Womens 4Th Of July Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-pilates-shirts\"\u003eFunny Pilates Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Funny Coffee Shirts\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-coffee-shirts\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"skeleton-never-better-t-shirt","title":"Skeleton Never Better Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Skeleton Never Better Tee from Unethical Threads is a skeleton drinking coffee and lying through teeth he doesn't have. For everyone who says \"I'm fine\" while running on fumes and caffeine. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who are dead inside but still caffeinated. The kind of person who shows up to work running on spite and espresso. Your coworker who laughs at everything because the alternative is worse. If you've ever said \"never better\" while absolutely not being better, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a 5K you didn't run\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e We don't gatekeep existential dread.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic. Nothing weird going on up top.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the skeleton stays crispy through every wash. He's committed. Unlike your ex.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePreshrunk.\u003c\/strong\u003e It won't betray you.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this work as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. If someone in your life keeps saying they're fine when they are clearly not fine, this is the move. It's funny, it's a little dark, and it costs less than therapy. Works for birthdays, Halloween, or just a random Tuesday when you want to remind someone you get them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt soft or is it one of those scratchy ones?\u003c\/strong\u003e Heavyweight cotton, but soft. Thick enough to feel substantial without making you sweat through your morning coffee.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Skeleton Never Better Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e S through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e DTG printing, so the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it. It holds up in the wash.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIs this just a Halloween shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e You can wear it for Halloween, sure. But the \"dead inside\" vibe is a year-round mood.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHow do I wash it?\u003c\/strong\u003e Cold wash, tumble dry low. Don't bleach the skeleton. He's been through enough.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40827900231762,"sku":"NBetter-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40827900264530,"sku":"NBetter-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40827900297298,"sku":"NBetter-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40827900330066,"sku":"NBetter-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40827900362834,"sku":"NBetter-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/NBetter_0ec071d7-97c4-45f1-87ac-f8dacc67cdbf.jpg?v=1762477125"},{"product_id":"new-i-would-dropkick-a-child-for-a-pepsi-max-cherry-tee","title":"*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For A Pepsi Max Cherry Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eUnethical Threads' I Would Dropkick A Child For A Pepsi Max Cherry tee is for people who picked a side in the soda wars and refuse to be quiet about it. If your commitment to Pepsi Max Cherry is the kind of thing that concerns your friends, this shirt was made for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've tried every cherry soda on the market and landed on Pepsi Max Cherry like it was a religious calling. The kind of person who gets genuinely annoyed when a restaurant says \"Is Coke okay?\" No. It's not okay. It was never okay.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know who you are, and so does everyone at the party you just told about your soda ranking tier list. This is just the uniform now.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't disintegrate after three washes like your New Year's resolutions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors outlast your last relationship\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, because we're not monsters\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift if you know someone who would genuinely consider violence over a Pepsi Max Cherry. And you do know someone like that. Everyone does.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat one friend who makes their soda preference everyone's problem. This shirt tells them you see them, you accept them, and you're a little bit afraid of them. Birthdays, holidays, or just because they won't stop talking about cherry soda at dinner.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt really about dropkicking a child?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's about Pepsi Max Cherry. The child is hypothetical. Please don't dropkick anyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. We don't gatekeep comfort.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric. It holds up wash after wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs Pepsi Max Cherry even that good?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe shirt exists, so apparently someone thinks it's worth committing a felony over. We don't judge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends entirely on how much you like your job.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40908463439954,"sku":"PepsiCherry-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40908463472722,"sku":"PepsiCherry-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40908463505490,"sku":"PepsiCherry-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40908463538258,"sku":"PepsiCherry-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40908463571026,"sku":"PepsiCherry-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40908463603794,"sku":"PepsiCherry-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40908463636562,"sku":"PepsiCherry-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40908463210578,"sku":"PepsiCherry-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40908463243346,"sku":"PepsiCherry-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40908463276114,"sku":"PepsiCherry-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40908463308882,"sku":"PepsiCherry-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40908463341650,"sku":"PepsiCherry-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40908463374418,"sku":"PepsiCherry-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40908463407186,"sku":"PepsiCherry-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/491a01de00bd6475fd7a8bb394515c2c.jpg?v=1762477481"},{"product_id":"new-i-would-dropkick-a-child-for-a-starbucks-coffee-tee","title":"*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For A Starbucks Coffee Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Would Dropkick A Child For A Starbucks Coffee tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone whose caffeine dependency has entered felony territory. If your morning coffee is less a preference and more a hostage situation, this shirt says what your face already does in the drive-through line.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who aren't pretending to be nice before 9 AM. Your coworker who passive-aggressively labels their oat milk. The friend who once cried in a drive-through because they were out of pumpkin spice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou already know who you're buying this for, and it might be yourself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can handle your third rage-wash of the week\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because caffeine addiction doesn't discriminate by body type\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay as vivid as your hatred for decaf\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. Your patience is already short enough.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift. Anyone who has ever whispered threats at a barista who got their order wrong will wear this with their whole chest. Birthday, Christmas, \"sorry I was mean before my latte\" apology present. All valid reasons.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt going to offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. But the people who get it will love you for it, and the people who don't were never your crowd anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Runs true to size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print hold up in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. DTG printing locks the colors in. Wash it normally and it stays looking sharp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this affiliated with Starbucks?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is an Unethical Threads original. We just understand the level of commitment involved.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I actually wear this to Starbucks?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can and you should. The baristas have seen worse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40910232158290,"sku":"Starbuck-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40910232191058,"sku":"Starbuck-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40910232223826,"sku":"Starbuck-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40910232256594,"sku":"Starbuck-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40910232289362,"sku":"Starbuck-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40910232322130,"sku":"Starbuck-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40910232354898,"sku":"Starbuck-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40910232387666,"sku":"Starbuck-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40910232420434,"sku":"Starbuck-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40910232453202,"sku":"Starbuck-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40910232485970,"sku":"Starbuck-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40910232518738,"sku":"Starbuck-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40910232551506,"sku":"Starbuck-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40910232584274,"sku":"Starbuck-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/35afe3f8041c96ca4acd021c616cde17.jpg?v=1762477484"},{"product_id":"new-i-would-dropkick-a-child-for-dunkin-donuts-tee","title":"*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For Dunkin Donuts Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis is the I Would Dropkick A Child For Dunkin Donuts tee from Unethical Threads, and it's for anyone who has genuinely considered violence over a botched iced coffee order. You know who you are. The shirt just makes it official.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who would commit light felonies for a medium iced with extra caramel swirl. Dunkin loyalists who have absolutely no interest in pretending Starbucks is better.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever gotten genuinely heated at someone for putting whipped cream on your drink when you specifically said no whipped cream, this was made for you. It's not a personality trait. It's a lifestyle. (Okay, it might be a personality trait.)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that doesn't disintegrate after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because we're unhinged, not animals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print, so the colors stay loud even when you don't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. Surprises are for birthday parties, not laundry day.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift for someone who takes their Dunkin order more seriously than their career.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for birthdays, White Elephant, or just sending the message \"I saw this and immediately thought of you\" (which is either a compliment or a diagnosis depending on the friend). If they've ever described their coffee order as \"non-negotiable,\" just add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk, so what you order is what you get. No surprises.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing means the design is part of the fabric, not sitting on top of it. It stays sharp through the wash cycle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. But the kind of person who gets offended by this shirt isn't the kind of person you're trying to impress.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to Dunkin?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can and you should. The staff has seen worse. 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Whether you've been wronged by 23 flavors or you just need the world to know where you stand on soft drinks, this shirt handles the communication so you don't have to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho needs this shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSome people have a complicated relationship with Dr. Pepper. Maybe you're allergic. Maybe you're in recovery. Maybe someone keeps handing you one at every cookout like it's a personality test you keep failing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis tee sets the record straight before anyone can crack open a can in your direction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't disintegrate after three washes (we know you've been hurt before)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because setting boundaries is for every body type\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the message stays loud and the colors don't fade into passive aggression\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, because the shirt shouldn't change its mind even if you do\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone with a Dr. Pepper opinion, you already know the answer. This is the kind of gift that makes someone feel seen in a very specific and possibly concerning way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey'll wear it. They'll point at it when someone offers them the wrong drink. It will become their whole thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Do Not Give Me Dr. Pepper tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Plenty of room to make your stance known.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. Your boundaries deserve longevity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an officially licensed Dr. Pepper product?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is an opinion, not a sponsorship.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a classic crew neck. Comfortable enough to wear every day, which you will.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow should I wash this?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCold wash, tumble dry low. The print won't crack or peel. 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Heavyweight cotton graphic tee for the kind of person who has a favorite gas station fountain. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who would, in fact, dropkick a child for a Sprite. Also people who just think it's funny, which is somehow worse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis design was one of our most requested. The first run sold out fast and this restock won't sit around either. If your sense of humor makes coworkers uncomfortable, you're in the right place.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bad decisions come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric, so the colors stay vivid through dozens of washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it fits the same on wash 50 as it did on day one\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift if you know someone whose Sprite loyalty borders on clinical.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt also doubles as a friendship test. If they laugh, you're solid. If they don't, you need new friends.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL. If you're between sizes, go with your usual. The fabric is pre-shrunk so it holds its shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is DTG printed directly into the fabric. The colors stay put through the wash cycle, not printed on top like a screen print.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's not a bug, that's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a limited design?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis one came back by popular demand and we restock when we can. Once it's gone, it's gone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can wear it anywhere you're comfortable with strangers reading your chest and forming opinions. So, everywhere.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40959660294226,"sku":"DropSprite-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40959660326994,"sku":"DropSprite-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40959660359762,"sku":"DropSprite-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40959660392530,"sku":"DropSprite-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40959660425298,"sku":"DropSprite-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40959660458066,"sku":"DropSprite-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40959660490834,"sku":"DropSprite-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40959660523602,"sku":"DropSprite-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40959660556370,"sku":"DropSprite-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40959660589138,"sku":"DropSprite-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40959660621906,"sku":"DropSprite-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40959660654674,"sku":"DropSprite-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40959660687442,"sku":"DropSprite-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40959660720210,"sku":"DropSprite-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/4be4406606eeaeed7b36d7c0726ca544.jpg?v=1762477681"},{"product_id":"new-i-would-dropkick-a-child-for-a-sugarfree-red-bull-tee","title":"*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For A Sugarfree Red Bull Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eUnethical Threads made the I Would Dropkick A Child For A Sugarfree Red Bull tee because some of you asked for it and we're not in the business of saying no to caffeine addicts. It says exactly what you think it says. You either get it or you're drinking water.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who have replaced meals with energy drinks and aren't sorry about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Sugarfree Red Bull crowd is a specific breed. You've got the gym person who treats it as pre-workout, the office worker who's three cans deep by noon, and the night shift warrior who genuinely cannot function without one. This shirt is their uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a 5K you didn't finish\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL, because caffeine addiction doesn't discriminate\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because we're unhinged, not animals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay put wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePreshrunk, because nobody wants a shirt that slowly ghosts them\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this going to offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. That's kind of the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you're worried about reactions at the grocery store, this probably isn't your shirt. But the people who laugh at it are the only ones worth talking to. 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Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an official Red Bull product?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is a parody humor tee from Unethical Threads. We're not affiliated with Red Bull in any way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to the gym?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can wear it wherever you want. That's the beauty of owning clothes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40963989143634,"sku":"SugarRed-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40963989176402,"sku":"SugarRed-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40963989209170,"sku":"SugarRed-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40963989241938,"sku":"SugarRed-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40963989274706,"sku":"SugarRed-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40963989307474,"sku":"SugarRed-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40963989340242,"sku":"SugarRed-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40963989373010,"sku":"SugarRed-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40963989405778,"sku":"SugarRed-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40963989438546,"sku":"SugarRed-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40963989471314,"sku":"SugarRed-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40963989504082,"sku":"SugarRed-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40963989536850,"sku":"SugarRed-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40963989569618,"sku":"SugarRed-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/247d037b00fd4aa4c2179a6fc0d572d5.jpg?v=1762477713"},{"product_id":"new-i-would-dropkick-a-child-for-espresso-martini-tee","title":"*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For Espresso Martini Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Would Dropkick A Child For Espresso Martini tee from Unethical Threads is for people whose caffeine dependency and cocktail habits merged into one unhinged personality trait. You didn't choose the espresso martini life. Actually, you did. Aggressively.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe friend who made espresso martinis their whole thing. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou ordered one ironically in 2023, now you won't shut up about coffee liqueur brands. This shirt is the logical next step in that spiral. Also great for baristas who bartend on the side and can't pick a lane.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like an actual garment, not a free conference handout\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL. Big range for big espresso martini energy.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck. No surprises.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printing. Colors stay where they belong, not fading into oblivion.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. It'll fit the same whether you're sober or three espresso martinis deep at brunch.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has made espresso martinis their entire personality, this is the shirt they didn't know they needed. It's also a solid move for Secret Santa when you actually want to win. No gift receipt required because nobody's returning this.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit, runs true to size. Check our size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing keeps the colors intact. Wash inside out on cold and tumble dry low for best results.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually about dropkicking children?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's about loving espresso martinis an unreasonable amount. The hypothetical child is fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes do you carry?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit across the full range.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this around my family?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can. Whether you should depends entirely on your family's sense of humor and your willingness to explain yourself at dinner.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40965456003154,"sku":"Martini-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40965456035922,"sku":"Martini-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40965456068690,"sku":"Martini-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40965456101458,"sku":"Martini-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40965456134226,"sku":"Martini-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40965456166994,"sku":"Martini-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40965456199762,"sku":"Martini-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40965456232530,"sku":"Martini-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40965456265298,"sku":"Martini-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40965456298066,"sku":"Martini-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40965456330834,"sku":"Martini-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40965456363602,"sku":"Martini-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40965456396370,"sku":"Martini-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40965456429138,"sku":"Martini-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/71c5b9d7f9beddfce3db4c1051ccb20f.jpg?v=1762477715"},{"product_id":"new-mii-need-another-coffee-tee","title":"*NEW* Mii Need Another Coffee Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Mii Need Another Coffee tee from Unethical Threads puts your caffeine addiction and Wii-era nostalgia on one shirt. Heavyweight cotton, unhinged energy. If your morning starts with you staring at the coffee maker like it owes you money, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's had four cups before noon and still feels nothing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGamers, remote workers, parents on fumes, people who treat \"but first, coffee\" like a legal defense. If you've ever spent twenty minutes customizing a Mii and you've never skipped a cup in your life, this tee was inevitable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that won't fall apart after three washes like that race shirt from a 5K you didn't run\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL. Room to breathe, room to caffeinate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck. Nothing weird happening up top.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printing so the colors stay vivid long after your motivation doesn't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. Your shirt keeps its shape even if your sleep schedule can't.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for someone with a coffee problem?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's better than another mug. They have forty mugs. They do not need number forty-one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Mii Need Another Coffee tee says \"I see your problem and I'm fully enabling it.\" That's real friendship. Works for birthdays, holidays, or just because you saw it and thought of them, which is honestly the best reason to buy anything.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. It's a relaxed unisex fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but most people are happy with their usual pick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric fibers. It holds up wash after wash without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this pre-shrunk?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Wash it however you want. It's not going anywhere.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends on your workplace. If your coworkers have a sense of humor and a coffee problem, absolutely. If HR has opinions about your wardrobe, save it for weekends.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow fast does this ship?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMost orders ship within 3 to 5 business days. Your caffeine dependency won't wait, but the postal service has its own timeline.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40976597450834,"sku":"MiiCoffee-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40976597483602,"sku":"MiiCoffee-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40976597516370,"sku":"MiiCoffee-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40976597549138,"sku":"MiiCoffee-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40976597581906,"sku":"MiiCoffee-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40976597614674,"sku":"MiiCoffee-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40976597647442,"sku":"MiiCoffee-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/51273e2d-8594-47c2-9d59-aefdd3d8ba3c.webp?v=1772443515"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/collections\/Funny_Coffee_Shirts.jpg?v=1761607065","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/collections\/funny-coffee-shirts.oembed","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}