{"title":"Funny Friend Shirts","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eShop Unethical Threads' funny friend shirts collection for designs that make people do a double-take. Our funny friend shirts bring the laughs without compromising on comfort or quality. Available in sizes S-4XL with hassle-free returns.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-funny-friend-shirts'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-funny-friend-shirts\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Funny Friend Shirts Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-best-friend-shirts\"\u003eFunny Best Friend Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-drunk-friend-shirts\"\u003eFunny Drunk Friend Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Funny Friend Shirts\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-friend-shirts\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"strip-club-veteran-funny-inappropriate-military-gift-hat","title":"Strip Club Veteran Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Strip Club Veteran hat is for the guy who doesn't just have stories, he has a permanent VIP section in his memory. This Unethical Threads trucker hat announces your distinguished service record without saying a word. Well, technically it says the words for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe guys who've earned their stripes. Bachelor party survivors, regulars who know the Tuesday lunch special, and anyone whose friend group has at least one really good lawyer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis hat doesn't need context. If you know, you know. And if you don't, you probably shouldn't ask. It's the kind of headwear that tells a whole story before you even open your mouth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured front panel with mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e for breathability during those long nights out\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most heads (and most egos)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVivid printed design\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't fade, crack, or snitch on you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eComfortable all-day fit\u003c\/strong\u003e whether you're at the barbecue or the after-party\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePairs well\u003c\/strong\u003e with a cold beer and questionable life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift. Specifically for the friend everyone has one of.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know the one. He's got the stories nobody believes until they see the photos. Birthdays, bachelor parties, White Elephant, or just a random Tuesday because you saw it and thought of him. The Strip Club Veteran hat is less of a gift and more of an award ceremony.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat adjustable?\u003c\/strong\u003e Yes. Snapback closure fits most head sizes comfortably.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print hold up?\u003c\/strong\u003e The design is printed to last through washes, sun, and whatever else you put this hat through.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e You can. Whether you should is between you and your sense of shame.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an actual military hat?\u003c\/strong\u003e No. This is a trucker hat for veterans of a very different kind of service.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the return policy?\u003c\/strong\u003e Check our return policy page, but honestly, nobody sends this one back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42012849373266,"sku":"4829162_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Strip_Club_Veteran_Funny_Inappropriate_Trucker_Hat_Military_Gift_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481911"},{"product_id":"im-paint-i-love-to-finger-paint-t-shirt","title":"I'm Paint Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'm Paint tee from Unethical Threads is one half of our most unhinged couples set. You wear this. Your person wears \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/i-love-finger-painting-im-paint-inappropriate-couples-shirt\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"I Love To Finger Paint Shirt\"\u003eI Love To Finger Paint\u003c\/a\u003e. Together you walk into brunch and let the room figure it out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's Wearing This One?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe one who's Paint, obviously. This is the other half of the set, paired with our I Love To Finger Paint tee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of you is the artist, one of you is the canvas. We're not here to judge who's who. Wear them to a party, a cookout, or your in-laws' anniversary dinner if you're feeling particularly brave.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a free promo tee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't bail after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs with our I Love To Finger Paint tee (sold separately, relationships also sold separately)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This Actually a Good Couples Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. It's the kind of gift that says \"I know exactly what we are and I'm not sorry about it.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWay better than matching pajamas. Way more memorable than a candle. If your relationship can't handle this shirt, that's a different conversation entirely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt come as a set with the Finger Paint tee?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo, each shirt is sold separately. Grab the I Love To Finger Paint tee too if you want the full effect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I'm Paint tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing means the design is part of the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Wash normally and skip the dryer abuse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this by itself or does it only work as a pair?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt works solo if you want people spending all day trying to figure out what \"I'm Paint\" means. Which, honestly, is also pretty funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42013158834258,"sku":"Painter-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42013158867026,"sku":"Painter-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42013158899794,"sku":"Painter-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42013158932562,"sku":"Painter-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42013158965330,"sku":"Painter-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42013158998098,"sku":"Painter-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42013159030866,"sku":"Painter-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42013159063634,"sku":"Painter-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42013159096402,"sku":"Painter-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42013159129170,"sku":"Painter-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42013159161938,"sku":"Painter-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42013159194706,"sku":"Painter-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42013159227474,"sku":"Painter-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42013159260242,"sku":"Painter-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_m_Paint_I_Love_To_Finger_Paint_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481916"},{"product_id":"new-rome-wasnt-burned-in-a-day-tesla-funny-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* Rome Wasn't Burned In A Day Tesla Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Rome Wasn't Burned In A Day Tesla Tee from Unethical Threads is what happens when ancient history, corporate hubris, and a factory fire walk into a bar. Heavyweight cotton, full-color DTG print, and the kind of joke that makes people either laugh or quietly unfollow you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who read the news and cope with laughter instead of therapy. If you've ever watched a press conference and thought \"this is performance art,\" you're the target audience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt also does well at cookouts, game nights, and anywhere someone's about to say \"wait, is that real?\" The Rome Wasn't Burned In A Day design hits that sweet spot between clever and unhinged, which is basically our entire brand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like you paid for a shirt, not a napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because dark humor isn't size-exclusive\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because we're chaotic, not tacky\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid through every wash, not cracked and peeling after three spins\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYes, you can machine wash it. We're not monsters.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's sort of the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis tee sits at the intersection of historical wordplay and modern tech satire, which means it'll land perfectly with some people and make others visibly uncomfortable. If both of those outcomes sound fun to you, you're in the right place.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an anti-Elon shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a shirt about Rome. And fire. And a certain electric car company that keeps having both. Draw your own conclusions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on every body type.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton with a DTG print. Wash cold, tumble low, and it'll hold up fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone who hates Elon Musk?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWe can't think of a better one. Wrap it or don't, the reaction will be the same.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42016368754770,"sku":"RomeBurn-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42016368787538,"sku":"RomeBurn-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42016368820306,"sku":"RomeBurn-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42016368853074,"sku":"RomeBurn-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42016368885842,"sku":"RomeBurn-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42016368918610,"sku":"RomeBurn-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42016368951378,"sku":"RomeBurn-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Rome_Wasn_t_Burned_In_A_Day_T_Shirt_Funny_Offensive_Tesla_Tee.jpg?v=1762481927"},{"product_id":"jesus-is-rizzen-rizz-easter-t-shirt","title":"Jesus Has Rizzen Rizz Easter Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Jesus Has Rizzen tee from Unethical Threads. Because \"He is Risen\" was begging for a Gen Z rebrand. Heavyweight cotton, unisex fit, and the kind of Easter energy your youth pastor wishes they had.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eChurch kids with a sense of humor. Youth pastors trying to stay relevant.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour cousin who posts memes in the family group chat and never apologizes. The friend who shows up to Easter brunch already wearing the joke everyone else was too scared to say out loud. If you've ever sat through a sunrise service thinking \"this needs more rizz,\" congratulations, you found your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a shirt, not a gas station freebie\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic, no surprises\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay locked in wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYes, He looks that good on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone at church?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. But they'll laugh first.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt lives in the sweet spot where irreverent meets reverent. You're not mocking anything. You're just pointing out that the greatest comeback in history deserved better branding. Most people will read it, pause, and then hit you with the slow nod of respect. The rest weren't going to like you anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Jesus Has Rizzen shirt blasphemous?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if you think Jesus wouldn't appreciate a good pun. This tee sits firmly in the \"laughing with Him\" category.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on everybody.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink into the fabric. It holds up through washes without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this just for Easter?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can wear it year-round. Rizz is not seasonal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a relaxed, comfortable fit. No thin, see-through nonsense.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42019992076370,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42019992109138,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42019992141906,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42019992174674,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42019992207442,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42019992240210,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42019992272978,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Jesus_Has_Rizzen_Funny_Easter_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481929"},{"product_id":"im-not-a-gorilla-but-i-can-beat-off-100-men-vs-meme-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* I'm Not A Gorilla But I Can Beat Off 100 Men Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'm Not A Gorilla But I Can Beat Off 100 Men tee from Unethical Threads takes the viral gorilla vs. 100 men debate and ruins it in the best way possible. You know exactly what this says. So does everyone reading it from across the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who picked a side in the gorilla debate and then immediately made it weird. If your group chat has no filter and your sense of humor gets you uninvited from things, this shirt was already yours. It just hadn't shipped yet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds up to repeated questioning from strangers\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid long after your reputation doesn't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e (your browser history, unfortunately, is not)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. That's the point. 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If you saw that story and your first thought was \"I need that on a shirt,\" congratulations, you're our people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who watched the Chewy news segment and immediately sent it to every group chat they're in. The overlap between \"follows local news for the chaos\" and \"owns too many graphic tees\" is a perfect circle, and you're standing in the middle of it. This isn't for people who need the joke explained. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a costume\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL (yes, 4XL, we don't gatekeep)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because we're keeping at least one thing traditional here\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay vivid through every wash, no cracking, no peeling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePreshrunk, so what you order is what you get\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift for the friend who texted you the Chewy story at 2 AM. Birthdays, white elephants, \"I saw this and thought of you\" moments. This is a shirt that says you pay attention to what actually makes someone laugh, not just what's safe. Fair warning: your coworkers might have questions at the next casual Friday.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat is the Chewy The Raccoon shirt about?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's based on the viral news story about Chewy, the raccoon found with a meth pipe. The internet lost its mind, and we turned it into a tee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. DTG (direct to garment) printing keeps the colors locked in. No cracking, no peeling, no fading.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt going to offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends on how you feel about raccoons and questionable life choices. 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Big hotdog energy comes in all sizes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because we have some standards\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e that bonds ink directly to the fabric. The color holds up wash after wash, kind of like your commitment to that hotdog.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift for someone you know well enough to insult. If you have to ask whether they'd find this funny, they're not the right person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut if you immediately thought of someone specific when you saw this, you already know the answer. Buy it. They'll wear it to Costco. 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Priorities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42046129471570,"sku":"DaDogC-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42046129504338,"sku":"DaDogC-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42046129537106,"sku":"DaDogC-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42046129569874,"sku":"DaDogC-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42046129602642,"sku":"DaDogC-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42046129635410,"sku":"DaDogC-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42046129668178,"sku":"DaDogC-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Would_Dropkick_A_Child_For_A_Costco_Hotdog_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482094"},{"product_id":"faguette-baguette-funny-lgbtq-pride-month-meme-shirt","title":"*NEW* Faguette Baguette LGBTQ Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Faguette Baguette tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. 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If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in group chats. The ones whose friends screenshot their texts and send them around.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your humor runs hot enough that you've been asked to \"tone it down\" at a family dinner, this shirt was designed for you. It's the kind of joke that separates the fun table from the kids' table at every gathering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a translucent napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because some things don't need reinventing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the design stays vivid wash after wash, no cracking, no peeling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with poor decisions and good stories\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's an incredible gift if you want to find out how well someone really knows you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSend it to the friend who already gets it and you're a legend. 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Cold wash, tumble dry low, and it'll keep its shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42063719923794,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42063719956562,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42063719989330,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42063720022098,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42063720054866,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42063720087634,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42063720120402,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Call_Me_Goldilocks_Cause_I_m_About_To_Try_All_Three_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482119"},{"product_id":"its-finally-autism-autumm-parody-tee","title":"It's Finally Autism Autumm Parody Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe It's Finally Autism Autumm parody tee from Unethical Threads is for everyone who saw those cozy fall posts and immediately thought \"this needs to be worse.\" If your brain has been fully cooked by the internet, congratulations. This is your seasonal uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who have been online too long and have no plans to recover.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis one hit hard with the chronically online crowd. The type who see a pumpkin spice latte and instantly think of the worst possible caption. You know who you are. 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