{"title":"Funny Jimmy Buffett Shirts","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWelcome to Unethical Threads' funny jimmy buffett shirts collection where humor meets premium craftsmanship. Our funny jimmy buffett shirts feature original designs that refuse to play it safe, guaranteed to spark conversations. Available in sizes S-4XL with fast shipping and a 30-day satisfaction guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-funny-jimmy-buffett-shirts'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-funny-jimmy-buffett-shirts\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Funny Jimmy Buffett Shirts Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-drinking-shirts\"\u003eFunny Drinking Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-rude-christmas-shirts\"\u003eFunny Rude Christmas Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Funny Jimmy Buffett Shirts\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-jimmy-buffett-shirts\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"bigfoot-is-real-and-he-tried-to-eat-my-ass-funny-inappropriate-trucker-hat","title":"Bigfoot Is Real And He Tried To Eat My Ass Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis is the Bigfoot Is Real And He Tried To Eat My Ass trucker hat from Unethical Threads. It says exactly what happened out there in those woods, and you survived, so you might as well accessorize.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who go camping and come back different. The guy at the cookout who has a story that starts with \"okay, so I was alone in the woods\" and ends with everyone quietly putting down their plates.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever watched Finding Bigfoot and thought the show was holding something back, this hat is your sworn testimony in foam and mesh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front panel\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds its shape better than your story about that night in the woods\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e so your head stays cool while you share your truth\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSnapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most head sizes, no excuses\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVivid front print\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds color wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOne size fits most\u003c\/strong\u003e because Bigfoot doesn't discriminate and neither do we\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the ideal gift for the friend who won't stop talking about cryptids. Or the one who tells weirdly specific stories about their camping trips.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWrap it, hand it over, and watch them finally feel understood. Also works as an apology gift, a birthday gift, or a \"sorry I told everyone about your Bigfoot encounter\" gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat adjustable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. The snapback closure adjusts to fit most head sizes comfortably.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the hat made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eStructured foam and cotton front panel with a breathable polyester mesh back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. The print holds up through regular washing and wear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat unisex?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Bigfoot does not care about your gender and neither does this hat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTechnically, yes. Whether you should is between you and the other people at Walmart.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42012845473874,"sku":"4063455_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Bigfoot_Is_Real_And_He_Tried_To_Eat_My_Ass_Funny_Inappropriate_Trucker_Hat_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481906"},{"product_id":"blackout-with-your-rack-out-funny-drinking-inappropriate-trucker-hat","title":"Blackout With Your Rack Out Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Blackout With Your Rack Out hat is an Unethical Threads trucker hat for people who treat day drinking like a competitive sport. Structured front, mesh back, and a slogan your mother will pretend she didn't read at Thanksgiving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe person at the tailgate who peaked in confidence three beers ago.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis hat pairs well with bad decisions, boat shoes you've never worn on a boat, and the kind of Sunday that starts at 10 AM and ends with a Lyft ride you don't remember requesting. It's not a cry for help. It's a lifestyle announcement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front panels\u003c\/strong\u003e with classic trucker mesh back. Breathable enough for your hottest takes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most heads, even the swollen ones.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant printed graphic\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't fade after your memory does.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOne size fits most.\u003c\/strong\u003e If it doesn't fit, that's between you and your head.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex design.\u003c\/strong\u003e Bad decisions don't discriminate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the gift that says \"I know you\" without saying \"I respect you.\" Perfect for bachelor parties, birthdays, or anyone who's ever texted \"on my way\" while still in bed. Wrap it or don't. The hat speaks for itself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this hat offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. That's kind of the point. If \"Blackout With Your Rack Out\" makes someone clutch their pearls, they were never your audience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the hat made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStructured foam front panels with breathable mesh back and an adjustable snapback closure. One size fits most.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the print hold up?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. The graphic is printed to last through washes, sweat, and whatever else you put this hat through.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your job. If you work at a brewery, absolutely. If you work at a law firm, maybe on casual Friday when you're quitting anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat unisex?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Bad decisions don't discriminate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black","offer_id":42012846456914,"sku":"4023687_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red","offer_id":42012846489682,"sku":"4023687_15906","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Blackout_With_Your_Rack_Out_Funny_Inappropriate_Drinking_Trucker_Hat_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481907"},{"product_id":"i-eat-drywall-funny-weird-trucker-hat","title":"I Eat Drywall Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Eat Drywall Hat from Unethical Threads is a trucker hat for people whose sense of humor peaked somewhere between \"chaotic\" and \"concerning.\" It says what it says. You either get it or you're Googling it right now, and both outcomes are funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears a hat that says I Eat Drywall?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eContractors, gym bros, and anyone who peaked in a group chat. This is the hat equivalent of a personality test nobody asked you to take.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone at Home Depot nods at you while you're wearing this, that's your new best friend. You don't choose the drywall life, but you can certainly advertise it on your forehead.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured cotton front panels\u003c\/strong\u003e that hold the absurdity upright\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e so your head gets airflow even when your decisions don't deserve respect\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most skulls, even the thick ones\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePrinted design that holds up\u003c\/strong\u003e through washes and questionable life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic curved brim\u003c\/strong\u003e for that \"I swear I'm normal\" silhouette\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this work as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift if you know the person well enough to insult them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthday, White Elephant, \"sorry about what I said at Thanksgiving,\" whatever the occasion. The I Eat Drywall Hat works because it requires no explanation and offers none. Hand it over. Watch their face. That's the whole gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the I Eat Drywall Hat fit big heads?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe snapback closure adjusts to fit most head sizes. If your head is truly enormous, you probably already know which hats work for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe design holds up through regular washes. Skip the bleach, don't iron directly on the print, and you're good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat structured or floppy?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStructured front panels keep the design looking sharp. The mesh back is flexible for comfort.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your workplace. If your boss has a sense of humor, go for it. If not, that sounds like a you problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42012846719058,"sku":"4811494_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Eat_Drywall_Funny_Hats_For_Men_Weird_Inappropriate_Trucker_Hat_Front_View.jpg?v=1762481907"},{"product_id":"free-mustache-rides-funny-inappropriate-trucker-hat","title":"Free Mustache Rides Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Free Mustache Rides Hat from Unethical Threads is a trucker hat for people who gave up on subtlety a long time ago. It says exactly what you think it says. Wear it to the cookout, the bar, or anywhere you want to thin out your social circle a little.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople whose sense of humor peaked in a good way. This is the hat for the guy at the barbecue who everyone secretly likes best because he quit pretending to be appropriate years ago.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever gotten a laugh and a head shake in the same moment, you already know the feeling. The Free Mustache Rides Hat just makes it official.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front panels\u003c\/strong\u003e with a classic trucker profile that actually holds its shape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e so your head doesn't pay the price for your personality\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e, one size fits most heads (even the big ones)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVivid printed design\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't fade, crack, or chicken out after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-curved bill\u003c\/strong\u003e for that broken-in look from day one\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift if you actually know the person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFather's Day, birthdays, bachelor parties, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of someone specific. That reaction is the whole point. If you're buying it for a coworker, make sure HR likes you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Free Mustache Rides Hat actually a trucker hat?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Classic trucker style with structured foam front panels, mesh back, and an adjustable snapback closure.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or peel off?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. The design is printed to last through regular wear and washing. It's not going anywhere.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat size does this hat fit?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOne size fits most. The adjustable snapback handles the range, so unless your head is genuinely unusual, you're covered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can. Whether you should depends entirely on your comfort level with strangers reading your hat and forming opinions about you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends on where you work. If your boss laughs at it, you're fine. If they don't, well, it was nice working there.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black","offer_id":42012853600338,"sku":"4627643_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red","offer_id":42012853633106,"sku":"4627643_15906","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Free_Mustache_Rides_Funny_Mesh_Trucker_Hat_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481914"},{"product_id":"im-paint-i-love-to-finger-paint-t-shirt","title":"I'm Paint Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'm Paint tee from Unethical Threads is one half of our most unhinged couples set. You wear this. Your person wears \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/i-love-finger-painting-im-paint-inappropriate-couples-shirt\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"I Love To Finger Paint Shirt\"\u003eI Love To Finger Paint\u003c\/a\u003e. Together you walk into brunch and let the room figure it out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's Wearing This One?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe one who's Paint, obviously. This is the other half of the set, paired with our I Love To Finger Paint tee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of you is the artist, one of you is the canvas. We're not here to judge who's who. Wear them to a party, a cookout, or your in-laws' anniversary dinner if you're feeling particularly brave.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a free promo tee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't bail after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs with our I Love To Finger Paint tee (sold separately, relationships also sold separately)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This Actually a Good Couples Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. It's the kind of gift that says \"I know exactly what we are and I'm not sorry about it.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWay better than matching pajamas. Way more memorable than a candle. If your relationship can't handle this shirt, that's a different conversation entirely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt come as a set with the Finger Paint tee?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo, each shirt is sold separately. Grab the I Love To Finger Paint tee too if you want the full effect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I'm Paint tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing means the design is part of the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Wash normally and skip the dryer abuse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this by itself or does it only work as a pair?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt works solo if you want people spending all day trying to figure out what \"I'm Paint\" means. Which, honestly, is also pretty funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42013158834258,"sku":"Painter-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42013158867026,"sku":"Painter-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42013158899794,"sku":"Painter-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42013158932562,"sku":"Painter-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42013158965330,"sku":"Painter-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42013158998098,"sku":"Painter-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42013159030866,"sku":"Painter-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42013159063634,"sku":"Painter-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42013159096402,"sku":"Painter-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42013159129170,"sku":"Painter-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42013159161938,"sku":"Painter-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42013159194706,"sku":"Painter-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42013159227474,"sku":"Painter-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42013159260242,"sku":"Painter-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_m_Paint_I_Love_To_Finger_Paint_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481916"},{"product_id":"legalize-cocaine-25-funny-gen-z-humor-meme-t-shirt","title":"Legalize Cocaine 25' Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Legalize Cocaine 25' Tee is Unethical Threads at peak irreverence. A parody shirt that says what your inner voice screams at every boring party. Wear it to a cookout, a festival, or just the grocery store if you're feeling particularly unhinged.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in the group chat. If your sense of humor has ever made someone audibly gasp at a family function, congratulations, you found your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Legalize Cocaine 25' Tee pairs well with poor decisions and an absolute refusal to read the room. It's the kind of shirt that either makes you the funniest person at the party or gets you uninvited from the next one. Both outcomes are acceptable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a 5K you didn't run\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (everyone deserves to make questionable fashion choices)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck. Nothing fancy, just the right frame for the chaos.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print for colors that stay loud long after your reputation doesn't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable, because we know where this shirt is going\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This Actually a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift. Nothing says \"I know exactly who you are\" like handing someone a Legalize Cocaine tee at their birthday party in front of their parents.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is a gag gift that people actually wear, which is the highest compliment a funny shirt can get. Perfect for white elephants, bachelor parties, or anyone on your list who you'd describe as \"a lot.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about legalizing cocaine?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a parody. You're wearing a joke, not running for office.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Legalize Cocaine 25' Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSizes S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Runs comfortable, not boxy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a DTG print on heavyweight cotton. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and the colors stay put.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eLegally, yes. Socially, that's between you and whatever room you're walking into.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gag gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOnly if you want them to either become your best friend or never speak to you again. High risk, high reward.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42019167371346,"sku":"Cocacoca-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42019167404114,"sku":"Cocacoca-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42019167436882,"sku":"Cocacoca-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42019167469650,"sku":"Cocacoca-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42019167502418,"sku":"Cocacoca-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42019167535186,"sku":"Cocacoca-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42019167567954,"sku":"Cocacoca-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42019167600722,"sku":"Cocacoca-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42019167633490,"sku":"Cocacoca-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42019167666258,"sku":"Cocacoca-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42019167699026,"sku":"Cocacoca-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42019167731794,"sku":"Cocacoca-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42019167764562,"sku":"Cocacoca-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42019167797330,"sku":"Cocacoca-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Legalize_Cocaine_25_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481928"},{"product_id":"lesbians-eat-what-t-shirt-funny-inappropriate-cat-tee","title":"Lesbians Eat What V2 Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Lesbians Eat What V2 Tee from Unethical Threads is the scared cat meme your group chat wore out, now on a shirt that can actually take a beating. The cat heard something. You heard it too. We just had the nerve to print it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly? Everyone. Couples love it, which tracks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's one of our top gag gifts right behind the Han Job tee, because nothing says \"I was thinking of you\" like a horrified cat and a double entendre. Also huge with the crowd that needs their shirt to do the talking so they don't have to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Not that see-through stuff you got at a fun run in 2019.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because this shirt has enough going on without a V-neck.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print that keeps the color locked in wash after wash.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. Order your normal size and move on with your life.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's kind of the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Lesbians Eat What tee isn't subtle and it's not trying to be. Wear it to a cookout and watch the room sort itself. The people who laugh are your people. The people who don't were never going to be.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL. Order your normal size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing keeps the color solid wash after wash. Wash cold and inside out if you want to be extra careful.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Lesbians Eat What shirt offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on the room you're in. We'd call it aggressively funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does V2 mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSecond version of the design. Same joke, updated graphic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to Thanksgiving?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe're not your family therapist. But it would be memorable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42022966034514,"sku":"TheyWhatV2-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42022966067282,"sku":"TheyWhatV2-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42022966100050,"sku":"TheyWhatV2-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42022966132818,"sku":"TheyWhatV2-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42022966165586,"sku":"TheyWhatV2-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42022966198354,"sku":"TheyWhatV2-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42022966231122,"sku":"TheyWhatV2-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Lesbians_Eat_What_Funny_Inappropriate_Scared_Cat_Graphic_Tee.jpg?v=1762481932"},{"product_id":"i-would-dropkick-a-child-for-a-diet-coke-funny-soda-humor-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For A Diet Coke Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Would Dropkick A Child For A Diet Coke tee is for people whose bloodstream is roughly 40% aspartame and 60% poor impulse control. Unethical Threads made this for the Diet Coke loyalists who don't just prefer it. They'd commit light felonies for it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who have a mini fridge exclusively for Diet Coke. If your coworkers know not to talk to you before the first can is cracked, this is already your personality, you just didn't have the shirt yet. The Dropkick series doesn't mess around, and neither do you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually holds up (not that tissue-thin stuff that goes see-through after one wash)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because Diet Coke addiction doesn't discriminate\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, classic cut\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print, so the colors stay vivid long after your fifth refill of the day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because surprises are for birthday parties, not laundry day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill This Offend Someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. That's sort of the point. If you're buying from Unethical Threads, you already know the assignment. Your aunt at Thanksgiving might have opinions. Your friends who also have a Diet Coke problem will just want one too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit. If you're between sizes, size up for a looser look or stay true for a standard fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually soft or is it stiff?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton, so it has substance. Not flimsy, not cardboard. It softens up after a couple washes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow do I wash this without ruining the print?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCold wash, inside out, tumble dry low. The DTG print holds up well. Don't iron directly on the graphic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this around kids?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can. Whether you should is a personal decision we're not qualified to make.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for a Diet Coke addict?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's basically a love letter to their addiction. So yes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42039148249170,"sku":"KickDi-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42039148281938,"sku":"KickDi-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42039148314706,"sku":"KickDi-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42039148347474,"sku":"KickDi-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42039148380242,"sku":"KickDi-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42039148413010,"sku":"KickDi-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42039148445778,"sku":"KickDi-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Would_Dropkick_A_Child_For_A_Diet_Coke_Funny_Meme_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482069"},{"product_id":"im-not-a-gorilla-but-i-can-beat-off-100-men-shirt","title":"I'm Not A Gorilla But I Can Beat Off 100 Men Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'm Not A Gorilla But I Can Beat Off 100 Men shirt is Unethical Threads doing what we do best: taking something viral and making it so much worse. The internet argued about how many men a gorilla could fight. We heard something different.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe guy at the gym who won't shut up about gorilla grip strength. The friend who makes every group chat worse on purpose.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBasically anyone who saw the gorilla meme and immediately went to the darkest possible place. This shirt is for people who treat \"inappropriate\" as a personality trait, not a warning label.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that survives leg day and your mother's disappointment\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in S through 4XL, because poor decisions come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid wash after wash (the joke, unfortunately, also doesn't fade)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e so it fits the same whether you're bulking or coping\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift if you want to be remembered forever. This is what you give when a gift card feels too safe and you want to see genuine shock on someone's face.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIdeal for gym rats, meme addicts, or anyone whose sense of humor peaked in a group chat at 2 AM. Fair warning: they will wear it everywhere.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S through 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The design is DTG printed directly into the fabric, so colors hold up wash after wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on how fast people read it. Most will do a double take. Some will laugh. A few will never speak to you again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to the gym?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can and you should. Heavyweight cotton holds up to a full session, and the shirt basically guarantees nobody asks to work in with you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow long does shipping take?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost orders ship within 3 to 5 business days. You'll get a tracking email once it's on the way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42039149854802,"sku":"GorBeato-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42039149887570,"sku":"GorBeato-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42039149920338,"sku":"GorBeato-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42039149953106,"sku":"GorBeato-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42039149985874,"sku":"GorBeato-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42039150018642,"sku":"GorBeato-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42039150051410,"sku":"GorBeato-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42039150084178,"sku":"GorBeato-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42039150116946,"sku":"GorBeato-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42039150149714,"sku":"GorBeato-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42039150182482,"sku":"GorBeato-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42039150215250,"sku":"GorBeato-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42039150248018,"sku":"GorBeato-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42039150280786,"sku":"GorBeato-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_m_Not_A_Gorila_But_I_Can_Beat_Off_A_Hundred_Men_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482071"},{"product_id":"new-i-got-narcanned-at-taco-bell-funny-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* I Got Narcanned At Taco Bell Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Got Narcanned At Taco Bell tee from Unethical Threads is oddly specific, deeply inappropriate, and definitely based on someone's real worst night. You're either laughing already or you're not our target audience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think dark humor is a love language. The friend in your group chat who always has a story that shouldn't be told in public.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the kind of shirt you wear to brunch and watch people read it twice. It hits that sweet spot between \"that's horrible\" and \"where did you get that.\" If your humor needs a disclaimer, welcome home.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can take a beating (and so can your reputation)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you've already stuck yours out far enough\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that holds color through countless washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with bad decisions and a Baja Blast\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the right person, this is the funniest gift they'll get all year. For the wrong person, it's a cry for help they didn't ask for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know which friend this is for. The one with the mugshot story, the one who's been banned from at least one establishment. Buy it before you overthink it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. The DTG print holds its color through countless washes. The shirt will outlast whatever decisions led you to need it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAbsolutely not. That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a crew neck. Comfortable, durable, and morally questionable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to Taco Bell?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can. Whether you should is between you and whatever higher power you believe in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42148614242386,"sku":"GNarcans-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42148614275154,"sku":"GNarcans-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42148614307922,"sku":"GNarcans-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42148614340690,"sku":"GNarcans-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42148614373458,"sku":"GNarcans-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42148614406226,"sku":"GNarcans-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42148614438994,"sku":"GNarcans-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42148614471762,"sku":"GNarcans-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42148614504530,"sku":"GNarcans-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42148614537298,"sku":"GNarcans-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42148614570066,"sku":"GNarcans-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42148614602834,"sku":"GNarcans-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42148614635602,"sku":"GNarcans-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42148614668370,"sku":"GNarcans-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Got_Narcanned_At_Taco_Bell_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1757803880"},{"product_id":"onlyfangs-t-shirt-funny-halloween-parody-tee","title":"Onlyfangs Halloween Parody Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Onlyfangs Halloween Parody Tee from Unethical Threads is for everyone who saw that logo and immediately thought of something with more bite. A vampire-themed parody that lands somewhere between spooky season and \"I can't believe you wore that.\" You already know what it's referencing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in October. The friend who shows up to the Halloween party in something nobody can post on Instagram.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your sense of humor comes with a content warning, the Onlyfangs tee is basically your uniform. It works at costume parties, horror movie nights, or just a regular Tuesday when you want people to give you a wide berth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a blood drive\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because some things don't need reinventing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the design stays sharp and the colors don't bail after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with fake blood and poor life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone whose humor skews \"probably shouldn't post that,\" absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the gift that says \"I get you\" without saying much else. If the recipient clutches pearls at puns, maybe get them a candle instead. The Onlyfangs tee is for people who laugh at the things they probably shouldn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Onlyfangs tee only for Halloween?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically it's a Halloween parody, but nobody's stopping you from wearing it year-round. Vampires don't have a season.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe design is DTG printed directly into the fabric, so it holds up wash after wash without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually funny or just edgy?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBoth. That's the sweet spot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42153643147346,"sku":"OFangs-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42153643180114,"sku":"OFangs-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42153643212882,"sku":"OFangs-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42153643245650,"sku":"OFangs-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42153643278418,"sku":"OFangs-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42153643311186,"sku":"OFangs-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42153643343954,"sku":"OFangs-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Onlyfangs_TShirt_Funny_Halloween_Parody_Tee.jpg?v=1758061140"},{"product_id":"spread-cheeks-not-hate-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* Spread Cheeks Not Hate V2 Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Spread Cheeks Not Hate V2 Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly as unhinged as it sounds. A rallying cry for anyone who believes world peace starts below the waist. If you need the joke explained, this one's not for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who make their friends choke on their drinks at brunch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt isn't for the person nervously scanning the room before they laugh. It's for the one who shows up, gets a standing ovation from the degenerates at the table, and becomes everyone's favorite person by dessert. The V2 refresh keeps the same chaotic energy with a cleaner design that somehow makes the whole thing even more confrontational.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL, because cheek-spreading is for everybody\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e that sits right without strangling you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid long after your reputation doesn't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e, because at least one thing in your life should be predictable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat's the whole pitch. Spread Cheeks Not Hate is a philosophy, really. A lifestyle. You're not being crude, you're being inclusive. And if someone at the cookout disagrees, that's a them problem. Wear it to the grocery store, the gym, your nephew's soccer game. The shirt doesn't care about your comfort zone, and honestly, neither should you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Spread Cheeks Not Hate V2 Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric, so it holds up without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually comfortable or just funny?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBoth. It's heavyweight cotton with a relaxed fit, so it feels solid without being stiff or boxy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can wear it anywhere you want. Whether you should is between you and your personal risk tolerance.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42160635740242,"sku":"SCNHate-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42160635773010,"sku":"SCNHate-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42160635805778,"sku":"SCNHate-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42160635838546,"sku":"SCNHate-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42160635871314,"sku":"SCNHate-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42160635904082,"sku":"SCNHate-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42160635936850,"sku":"SCNHate-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42160635969618,"sku":"SCNHate-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42160636002386,"sku":"SCNHate-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42160636035154,"sku":"SCNHate-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42160636067922,"sku":"SCNHate-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42160636100690,"sku":"SCNHate-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42160636133458,"sku":"SCNHate-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42160636166226,"sku":"SCNHate-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Spread_Cheeks_Not_Hate_Black_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1758824186"},{"product_id":"i-got-narcanned-at-applebees-shirt","title":"I Got Narcanned At Applebees Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Got Narcanned At Applebees tee is Unethical Threads at peak specificity. If you know, you know. If you don't, the half-price apps probably hit different for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've seen things at chain restaurants that the health inspector hasn't. The friend in your group chat who always has a story that starts with \"okay so\" and ends with someone getting carried out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou've either lived this energy or you've witnessed it from two booths over. Either way, you earned this shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can take a beating (and a half-price marg spill)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're classy like that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay loud even after your reputation doesn't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it still fits after the bloat from those boneless wings\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. This is the gift you give someone when a gift card feels too safe and you actually know the person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorks for birthdays, white elephants, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of them (and that one night at the Applebee's on Route 9).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt get me weird looks?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAlmost certainly. That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in wash after wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs Applebees going to sue you?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThey have bigger problems right now. We think we're fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt material?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Thick enough to feel substantial, not so thick you're sweating through half-price app hour.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42166702014546,"sku":"Narcbe-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42166702047314,"sku":"Narcbe-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42166702080082,"sku":"Narcbe-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42166702112850,"sku":"Narcbe-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42166702145618,"sku":"Narcbe-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42166702178386,"sku":"Narcbe-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42166702211154,"sku":"Narcbe-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/0c3231d49e4c355af9eab1572ddf783e.jpg?v=1759338762"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/collections\/Funny_Jimmy_Buffett_Shirts.jpg?v=1761607883","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/collections\/funny-jimmy-buffett-shirts.oembed","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}