{"title":"Funny Kids Shirts","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWelcome to Unethical Threads' funny kids shirts collection where humor meets premium craftsmanship. Our funny kids shirts feature original designs that refuse to play it safe, guaranteed to spark conversations. Available in sizes S-4XL with fast shipping and a 30-day satisfaction guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-funny-kids-shirts'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-funny-kids-shirts\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Funny Kids Shirts Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-bartending-shirts\"\u003eFunny Bartending Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-name-shirts\"\u003eFunny Name Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Funny Kids Shirts\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-kids-shirts\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"i-dont-need-fun-to-have-alcohol-funny-drinking-beer-trucker-hat","title":"I Don't Need Fun To Have Alcohol Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Don't Need Fun To Have Alcohol Hat from Unethical Threads is a trucker hat for anyone who settled the fun vs. alcohol debate years ago. Alcohol won. This snapback just makes it official.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears a drinking hat unironically?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who stopped pretending they drink for the taste somewhere around their mid-twenties.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the hat you throw on for a barbecue, a tailgate, or your backyard at 2pm on a Tuesday. It tells everyone exactly where you stand without you having to say a word. Honestly, it's doing you a favor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front\u003c\/strong\u003e with cotton twill face, so the print stays crisp even when you don't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e because nobody wants a sweaty head on top of a hangover\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most heads comfortably (yes, even yours)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFull-color print\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds up through regular washes and the occasional spill\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOne size fits most.\u003c\/strong\u003e If your head is truly enormous, that's between you and genetics\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt might be the best gift you buy all year.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis hat is perfect for anyone who's ever said \"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a connoisseur\" with a straight face. Works for birthdays, white elephants, bachelor parties, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of someone specific. That person knows who they are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the print hold up?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Full-color print that holds up through regular washes. Treat it like you'd treat any hat you actually like.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat adjustable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSnapback closure in the back. One size fits most adults comfortably.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. But the kind of person offended by a drinking hat wasn't going to be fun at the party anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends entirely on where you work and how much you value HR's opinion of you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the hat made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStructured foam front with cotton twill and breathable mesh back panels. Comfortable enough to forget you're wearing it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Royal \/ Red","offer_id":42012843704402,"sku":"2397894_15909","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ White \/ Black","offer_id":42012843671634,"sku":"2397894_15908","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black","offer_id":42012843638866,"sku":"2397894_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Don_t_Need_Fun_To_Have_Alcohol_Funny_Drinking_Beer_Trucker_Hat_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481903"},{"product_id":"blackout-with-your-rack-out-funny-drinking-inappropriate-trucker-hat","title":"Blackout With Your Rack Out Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Blackout With Your Rack Out hat is an Unethical Threads trucker hat for people who treat day drinking like a competitive sport. Structured front, mesh back, and a slogan your mother will pretend she didn't read at Thanksgiving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe person at the tailgate who peaked in confidence three beers ago.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis hat pairs well with bad decisions, boat shoes you've never worn on a boat, and the kind of Sunday that starts at 10 AM and ends with a Lyft ride you don't remember requesting. It's not a cry for help. It's a lifestyle announcement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front panels\u003c\/strong\u003e with classic trucker mesh back. Breathable enough for your hottest takes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most heads, even the swollen ones.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant printed graphic\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't fade after your memory does.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOne size fits most.\u003c\/strong\u003e If it doesn't fit, that's between you and your head.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex design.\u003c\/strong\u003e Bad decisions don't discriminate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the gift that says \"I know you\" without saying \"I respect you.\" Perfect for bachelor parties, birthdays, or anyone who's ever texted \"on my way\" while still in bed. Wrap it or don't. The hat speaks for itself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this hat offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. That's kind of the point. If \"Blackout With Your Rack Out\" makes someone clutch their pearls, they were never your audience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the hat made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStructured foam front panels with breathable mesh back and an adjustable snapback closure. One size fits most.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the print hold up?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. The graphic is printed to last through washes, sweat, and whatever else you put this hat through.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your job. If you work at a brewery, absolutely. If you work at a law firm, maybe on casual Friday when you're quitting anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat unisex?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Bad decisions don't discriminate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black","offer_id":42012846456914,"sku":"4023687_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red","offer_id":42012846489682,"sku":"4023687_15906","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Blackout_With_Your_Rack_Out_Funny_Inappropriate_Drinking_Trucker_Hat_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481907"},{"product_id":"strip-club-veteran-funny-inappropriate-military-gift-hat","title":"Strip Club Veteran Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Strip Club Veteran hat is for the guy who doesn't just have stories, he has a permanent VIP section in his memory. This Unethical Threads trucker hat announces your distinguished service record without saying a word. Well, technically it says the words for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe guys who've earned their stripes. Bachelor party survivors, regulars who know the Tuesday lunch special, and anyone whose friend group has at least one really good lawyer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis hat doesn't need context. If you know, you know. And if you don't, you probably shouldn't ask. It's the kind of headwear that tells a whole story before you even open your mouth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured front panel with mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e for breathability during those long nights out\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most heads (and most egos)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVivid printed design\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't fade, crack, or snitch on you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eComfortable all-day fit\u003c\/strong\u003e whether you're at the barbecue or the after-party\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePairs well\u003c\/strong\u003e with a cold beer and questionable life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift. Specifically for the friend everyone has one of.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know the one. He's got the stories nobody believes until they see the photos. Birthdays, bachelor parties, White Elephant, or just a random Tuesday because you saw it and thought of him. The Strip Club Veteran hat is less of a gift and more of an award ceremony.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat adjustable?\u003c\/strong\u003e Yes. Snapback closure fits most head sizes comfortably.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print hold up?\u003c\/strong\u003e The design is printed to last through washes, sun, and whatever else you put this hat through.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e You can. Whether you should is between you and your sense of shame.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an actual military hat?\u003c\/strong\u003e No. This is a trucker hat for veterans of a very different kind of service.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the return policy?\u003c\/strong\u003e Check our return policy page, but honestly, nobody sends this one back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42012849373266,"sku":"4829162_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Strip_Club_Veteran_Funny_Inappropriate_Trucker_Hat_Military_Gift_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481911"},{"product_id":"cant-breathalyze-meth-t-shirt-funny-offensive-meme-humor-tee","title":"Can't Breathalyze Meth Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Can't Breathalyze Meth Tee from Unethical Threads is for the kind of person who makes a room go quiet before it goes loud. It's unhinged. It's technically correct. And it's on a shirt now because nobody in our lives tells us no.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe same people who send memes in the group chat that get zero replies and one screenshot. Look, if your humor has ever made someone physically leave a conversation, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's not for everybody. That's the whole point. This is the kind of shirt that sorts people into two camps on sight, and you already know which one you're in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay locked in. No cracking, no peeling.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with poor decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this going to offend people?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. If you're the type to worry about that, this probably isn't your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe people who wear Unethical Threads already know the assignment. Everyone else can read it, process their feelings, and move on. You're not here to make friends. You're here to make a point, and the point is hilarious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL. If you're between sizes, go with your usual.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing puts the ink directly into the fabric. The colors hold up, no cracking, no peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends on where you work and how attached you are to your employment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you know someone whose humor could clear a building, yes. If you're not sure they'd laugh, that's your answer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton, crew neck, built like an actual garment. Not a tissue-thin novelty tee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42024354119762,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42024354152530,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42024354185298,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42024354218066,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42024354250834,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42024354283602,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42024354316370,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Can_t_Breathalyze_Meth_Funny_Gen_Z_Humor_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481966"},{"product_id":"im-fucking-stupid-t-shirt-funny-inappropriate-matching-couples-tee","title":"I'm Fucking Stupid Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'm Fucking Stupid tee from Unethical Threads is the other half of the most honest couples shirt set on the internet. One of you wears \"I'm Stupid.\" The other wears this. We both know which one you're buying.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho wears the \"I'm Fucking Stupid\" shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe one who lost the argument. Or the one who knows they're the reason the other person needs therapy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEither way, this is the self-aware pick in the matching set. You and your partner both know the truth. This shirt just makes it public.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can handle your bad decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're classy like that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e for color that won't quit before you do\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable.\u003c\/strong\u003e Unlike your reputation.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good couples gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best couples gift if your relationship runs on roasting each other.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePair it with the \"I'm Stupid\" tee and you've got the most honest matching set at any cookout, bar, or family gathering that's about to get uncomfortable. If your partner can't take the joke, that's a bigger problem than the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this come with the matching \"I'm Stupid\" shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo, this listing is for the \"I'm Fucking Stupid\" tee only. The \"I'm Stupid\" shirt is sold separately.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I'm Fucking Stupid shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. Wash inside out on cold and you're good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this without the matching shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. It works as a solo statement too. 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The matching set just turns it up to eleven.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42025732079698,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42025732112466,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42025732145234,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42025732178002,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42025732210770,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42025732243538,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42025732276306,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42025732309074,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42025732341842,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42025732374610,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42025732407378,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42025732440146,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42025732472914,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42025732505682,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Come_In_Peace_I_m_Peace_Funny_Couples_White_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481969"},{"product_id":"i-would-dropkick-a-child-for-a-dr-pepper-graphic-inappropriate-humor-tee","title":"I Would Dropkick A Child For A Dr Pepper Graphic Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Would Dropkick A Child For A Dr Pepper tee from Unethical Threads is for the people who mean it. 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Stop buying them another case. They already have a fridge full. Give them something they can wear to Thanksgiving dinner that makes at least one relative deeply uncomfortable. It's thoughtful in the most unhinged way possible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt actually say \"dropkick a child\"?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. It says \"I Would Dropkick A Child For A Dr Pepper.\" That is the whole shirt. You've been warned.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for basically everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAlmost certainly. That's not a bug, it's the entire point. 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The internet argued about how many men a gorilla could fight. We heard something different.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe guy at the gym who won't shut up about gorilla grip strength. The friend who makes every group chat worse on purpose.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBasically anyone who saw the gorilla meme and immediately went to the darkest possible place. 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Either way, this shirt hits.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL (yes, we accommodate the whole congregation)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because the pope would want it that way\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric, so the colors don't fade when you actually wash it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, meaning your tee won't become a crop top after one spin cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's kind of the whole point of wearing Unethical Threads. The pope is from Chicago, the meme wrote itself, and we just had the good sense to put it on cotton. If someone at brunch clutches their pearls, that sounds like a them problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eRuns true. It's a relaxed unisex fit, so if you're between sizes, either works. Check the size chart to get specific.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not some iron-on from 2004. Colors hold up through the wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually about Pope Leo XIV?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. The first American pope, Robert Prevost, took the name Leo XIV. He's from Chicago. The internet did what it does. 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LGBTQ pride meets French bakery wordplay on a shirt with absolutely no chill. If you need it explained, this probably isn't your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think the intersection of bread puns and queer joy is peak comedy. The kind of person who'd rock this at Pride, at brunch, or at Thanksgiving dinner just to watch an uncle quietly Google something under the table. It's a personality test printed on cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't feel like a paper napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in S through 4XL, because funny comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, keeping it classic while the graphic handles the chaos\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay locked in (your opinions will fade before this does)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with a strong drink and stronger opinions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if you know the person. This isn't a safe Secret Santa pick. It's the \"I saw this and immediately thought of you\" shirt, and if that sentence doesn't apply, maybe just get them a gift card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does Faguette mean on the shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a mashup of exactly what you think it is. French bread meets queer slang reclamation. If you laughed, you get it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an LGBTQ pride shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes, but with the humor cranked all the way up. It's pride with a side of absurdity, which is honestly the best kind.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit, so it works for basically everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton. 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It's British, it's queer, and it's going to make at least one person at brunch do a double take.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think Pride Month could use a little more nicotine. This tee lands with the LGBTQ crowd that refuses to be precious about language, Gen Z double-entendre collectors, and anyone whose allyship strategy includes making coworkers visibly uncomfortable in June. If your friend group has a group chat that would get you all fired, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a screen print\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck (we know, groundbreaking)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed directly into the fabric, so the colors stay vivid long after your coworkers stop speaking to you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRuns true to size. When in doubt, size up.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this get me in trouble?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's the whole point. Whether your HR department sees the humor is between you and God. 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That's never stopped us before and it's not going to start now.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I give this as a gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if you're confident the recipient won't cry. 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If you know, you know. If you don't, the half-price apps probably hit different for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've seen things at chain restaurants that the health inspector hasn't. The friend in your group chat who always has a story that starts with \"okay so\" and ends with someone getting carried out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou've either lived this energy or you've witnessed it from two booths over. 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This is the gift you give someone when a gift card feels too safe and you actually know the person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorks for birthdays, white elephants, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of them (and that one night at the Applebee's on Route 9).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt get me weird looks?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAlmost certainly. 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Acetaminophen-fueled degeneracy, now available in cotton. You already know if this is your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who take four Tylenol before noon and still have plans after dark. Night shift workers, chronic pain warriors, anyone whose medicine cabinet does more heavy lifting than their gym membership. If your coping mechanisms have coping mechanisms, welcome home.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can survive your lifestyle and your questionable laundry schedule\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL. Every body type that's ever made a regrettable choice is covered.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck. The shirt does enough talking on its own.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print locks the colors in. No cracking, no peeling, no fading into a sad blur.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable. We both know you're not hand-washing anything.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this actually make a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. If someone in your life runs on painkillers and poor decisions, this is their uniform. Birthday, White Elephant, \"sorry about what I said at Thanksgiving,\" whatever works. Just make sure the recipient has a sense of humor. Or don't. We're not your parents.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually soft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's heavyweight cotton, but it breaks in nicely. Comfortable, not cardboard.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in for the long haul. No cracking, no peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLegally, yes. Socially, that's between you and whatever establishment you walk into.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow should I wash this?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low. Turn it inside out if you want to be fancy about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42168227659858,"sku":"TPPM-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42168227692626,"sku":"TPPM-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42168227725394,"sku":"TPPM-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42168227758162,"sku":"TPPM-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42168227790930,"sku":"TPPM-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42168227823698,"sku":"TPPM-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42168227856466,"sku":"TPPM-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/ylenol_Powered_Fuck_Machine_T-Shirt.jpg?v=1759527352"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/collections\/Funny_Kids_Shirts.jpg?v=1761607023","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/collections\/funny-kids-shirts.oembed","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}