{"title":"Funny Newlywed Shirts","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWelcome to Unethical Threads' funny newlywed shirts collection where humor meets premium craftsmanship. Our funny newlywed shirts feature original designs that refuse to play it safe, guaranteed to spark conversations. Available in sizes S-4XL with fast shipping and a 30-day satisfaction guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-funny-newlywed-shirts'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-funny-newlywed-shirts\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Funny Newlywed Shirts Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-80s-shirts\"\u003eFunny 80S Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-long-sleeve-shirts\"\u003eFunny Long Sleeve Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Funny Newlywed Shirts\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-newlywed-shirts\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"i-dont-need-fun-to-have-alcohol-funny-drinking-beer-trucker-hat","title":"I Don't Need Fun To Have Alcohol Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Don't Need Fun To Have Alcohol Hat from Unethical Threads is a trucker hat for anyone who settled the fun vs. alcohol debate years ago. Alcohol won. This snapback just makes it official.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears a drinking hat unironically?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who stopped pretending they drink for the taste somewhere around their mid-twenties.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the hat you throw on for a barbecue, a tailgate, or your backyard at 2pm on a Tuesday. It tells everyone exactly where you stand without you having to say a word. Honestly, it's doing you a favor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front\u003c\/strong\u003e with cotton twill face, so the print stays crisp even when you don't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e because nobody wants a sweaty head on top of a hangover\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most heads comfortably (yes, even yours)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFull-color print\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds up through regular washes and the occasional spill\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOne size fits most.\u003c\/strong\u003e If your head is truly enormous, that's between you and genetics\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt might be the best gift you buy all year.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis hat is perfect for anyone who's ever said \"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a connoisseur\" with a straight face. Works for birthdays, white elephants, bachelor parties, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of someone specific. That person knows who they are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the print hold up?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Full-color print that holds up through regular washes. Treat it like you'd treat any hat you actually like.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat adjustable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSnapback closure in the back. One size fits most adults comfortably.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. But the kind of person offended by a drinking hat wasn't going to be fun at the party anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends entirely on where you work and how much you value HR's opinion of you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the hat made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStructured foam front with cotton twill and breathable mesh back panels. Comfortable enough to forget you're wearing it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Royal \/ Red","offer_id":42012843704402,"sku":"2397894_15909","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ White \/ Black","offer_id":42012843671634,"sku":"2397894_15908","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black","offer_id":42012843638866,"sku":"2397894_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Don_t_Need_Fun_To_Have_Alcohol_Funny_Drinking_Beer_Trucker_Hat_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481903"},{"product_id":"jesus-is-rizzen-rizz-easter-t-shirt","title":"Jesus Has Rizzen Rizz Easter Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Jesus Has Rizzen tee from Unethical Threads. Because \"He is Risen\" was begging for a Gen Z rebrand. Heavyweight cotton, unisex fit, and the kind of Easter energy your youth pastor wishes they had.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eChurch kids with a sense of humor. Youth pastors trying to stay relevant.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour cousin who posts memes in the family group chat and never apologizes. The friend who shows up to Easter brunch already wearing the joke everyone else was too scared to say out loud. If you've ever sat through a sunrise service thinking \"this needs more rizz,\" congratulations, you found your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a shirt, not a gas station freebie\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic, no surprises\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay locked in wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYes, He looks that good on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone at church?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. But they'll laugh first.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt lives in the sweet spot where irreverent meets reverent. You're not mocking anything. You're just pointing out that the greatest comeback in history deserved better branding. Most people will read it, pause, and then hit you with the slow nod of respect. The rest weren't going to like you anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Jesus Has Rizzen shirt blasphemous?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if you think Jesus wouldn't appreciate a good pun. This tee sits firmly in the \"laughing with Him\" category.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on everybody.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink into the fabric. It holds up through washes without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this just for Easter?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can wear it year-round. Rizz is not seasonal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a relaxed, comfortable fit. No thin, see-through nonsense.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42019992076370,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42019992109138,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42019992141906,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42019992174674,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42019992207442,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42019992240210,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42019992272978,"sku":"JRizzen-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Jesus_Has_Rizzen_Funny_Easter_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481929"},{"product_id":"i-love-miners-t-shirt-funny-minecraft-gen-z-humor-tee","title":"I Love Miners Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Love Miners tee from Unethical Threads takes a perfectly innocent gaming reference and lets your brain do the rest. Pixelated Minecraft design up front, plausible deniability nowhere to be found. You already know if this shirt is for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's Actually Buying This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGamers, degens, and people whose search history would make a therapist quit. This is the shirt you wear when you want to see who in the room is paying attention.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorks great at family gatherings if you hate being invited to family gatherings. Also a certified hit in any group chat screenshot. Wear it to a Minecraft LAN party and become either the hero or the villain, no in-between.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a shirt, not a napkin with a graphic on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e so yes, we got you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic. Nothing weird happening up top (just on the front)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid long after your reputation doesn't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, because surprises are for birthdays, not laundry day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift if your goal is making someone laugh, then immediately look around the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for white elephant exchanges, gamer birthdays, or anyone who thinks \"appropriate\" is more of a spectrum than a rule. Wrap it, hand it over, deny everything.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the I Love Miners shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. Wash it however you want, it'll hold up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about Minecraft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe design is Minecraft-inspired. What you tell people it means is entirely your business.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow should I wash it?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTurn it inside out, cold wash, tumble dry low. The print lasts longer that way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this get me weird looks?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42024746778706,"sku":"LoveMisse-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42024746811474,"sku":"LoveMisse-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42024746844242,"sku":"LoveMisse-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42024746877010,"sku":"LoveMisse-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42024746909778,"sku":"LoveMisse-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42024746942546,"sku":"LoveMisse-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42024746975314,"sku":"LoveMisse-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Love_Miners_T_Shirt_Funny_Offensive_Minecraft_Tee.jpg?v=1762481966"},{"product_id":"i-love-to-blow-bubbles-im-bubbles-funny-couples-shirts","title":"I Love To Blow Bubbles Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Love To Blow Bubbles tee from Unethical Threads is one half of a matching couples set. The other half? The I'm Bubbles tee. If you need that explained, this isn't your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho buys matching couples shirts unironically?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've been together long enough that embarrassing each other in public is its own love language. You wear the I Love To Blow Bubbles tee, your partner wears the I'm Bubbles tee, and the rest of the bar does the math. It's a team sport.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a screen print\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because good jokes come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because obviously\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that holds its color through wash cycles, not just the first three\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk so it still fits after laundry day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. The I Love To Blow Bubbles and I'm Bubbles combo is the kind of gift that gets a reaction at the party and actually gets worn afterward. Anniversary, Valentine's Day, \"just because you think it's funny.\" All valid reasons.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the couples shirt set for people who think matching outfits are cringe unless the outfit is also a dirty joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDo the I Love To Blow Bubbles and I'm Bubbles shirts come as a set?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThey're sold separately so you can pick the right size for each person. Grab both to complete the joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe DTG print holds up through the wash. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it, but it's not fragile.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for family gatherings?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on your family. You know them better than we do.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42025734078546,"sku":"BlowBubbles-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42025734111314,"sku":"BlowBubbles-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42025734144082,"sku":"BlowBubbles-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42025734176850,"sku":"BlowBubbles-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42025734209618,"sku":"BlowBubbles-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42025734242386,"sku":"BlowBubbles-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42025734275154,"sku":"BlowBubbles-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42025734307922,"sku":"BlowBubbles-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42025734340690,"sku":"BlowBubbles-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42025734373458,"sku":"BlowBubbles-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42025734406226,"sku":"BlowBubbles-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42025734438994,"sku":"BlowBubbles-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42025734471762,"sku":"BlowBubbles-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42025734504530,"sku":"BlowBubbles-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Love_To_Blow_Bubbles_I_m_Bubbles_Funny_Couples_Shirt_Black.jpg?v=1762481970"},{"product_id":"i-would-dropkick-a-child-for-a-diet-coke-funny-soda-humor-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For A Diet Coke Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Would Dropkick A Child For A Diet Coke tee is for people whose bloodstream is roughly 40% aspartame and 60% poor impulse control. Unethical Threads made this for the Diet Coke loyalists who don't just prefer it. They'd commit light felonies for it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who have a mini fridge exclusively for Diet Coke. If your coworkers know not to talk to you before the first can is cracked, this is already your personality, you just didn't have the shirt yet. The Dropkick series doesn't mess around, and neither do you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually holds up (not that tissue-thin stuff that goes see-through after one wash)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because Diet Coke addiction doesn't discriminate\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, classic cut\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print, so the colors stay vivid long after your fifth refill of the day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because surprises are for birthday parties, not laundry day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill This Offend Someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. That's sort of the point. If you're buying from Unethical Threads, you already know the assignment. Your aunt at Thanksgiving might have opinions. Your friends who also have a Diet Coke problem will just want one too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit. If you're between sizes, size up for a looser look or stay true for a standard fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually soft or is it stiff?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton, so it has substance. Not flimsy, not cardboard. It softens up after a couple washes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow do I wash this without ruining the print?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCold wash, inside out, tumble dry low. The DTG print holds up well. Don't iron directly on the graphic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this around kids?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can. 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If you saw that story and your first thought was \"I need that on a shirt,\" congratulations, you're our people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who watched the Chewy news segment and immediately sent it to every group chat they're in. The overlap between \"follows local news for the chaos\" and \"owns too many graphic tees\" is a perfect circle, and you're standing in the middle of it. This isn't for people who need the joke explained. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a costume\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL (yes, 4XL, we don't gatekeep)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because we're keeping at least one thing traditional here\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay vivid through every wash, no cracking, no peeling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePreshrunk, so what you order is what you get\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift for the friend who texted you the Chewy story at 2 AM. Birthdays, white elephants, \"I saw this and thought of you\" moments. This is a shirt that says you pay attention to what actually makes someone laugh, not just what's safe. 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Either way, this shirt hits.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL (yes, we accommodate the whole congregation)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because the pope would want it that way\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric, so the colors don't fade when you actually wash it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, meaning your tee won't become a crop top after one spin cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's kind of the whole point of wearing Unethical Threads. The pope is from Chicago, the meme wrote itself, and we just had the good sense to put it on cotton. If someone at brunch clutches their pearls, that sounds like a them problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eRuns true. It's a relaxed unisex fit, so if you're between sizes, either works. Check the size chart to get specific.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not some iron-on from 2004. Colors hold up through the wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually about Pope Leo XIV?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. The first American pope, Robert Prevost, took the name Leo XIV. He's from Chicago. The internet did what it does. 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LGBTQ pride meets French bakery wordplay on a shirt with absolutely no chill. If you need it explained, this probably isn't your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think the intersection of bread puns and queer joy is peak comedy. The kind of person who'd rock this at Pride, at brunch, or at Thanksgiving dinner just to watch an uncle quietly Google something under the table. 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It's the \"I saw this and immediately thought of you\" shirt, and if that sentence doesn't apply, maybe just get them a gift card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does Faguette mean on the shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a mashup of exactly what you think it is. French bread meets queer slang reclamation. If you laughed, you get it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an LGBTQ pride shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes, but with the humor cranked all the way up. It's pride with a side of absurdity, which is honestly the best kind.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit, so it works for basically everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton. Follow the care instructions and it holds up fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends entirely on your workplace. If your HR department has a sense of humor, go for it. If not, save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42055482507346,"sku":"Faguette-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42055482540114,"sku":"Faguette-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42055482572882,"sku":"Faguette-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42055482605650,"sku":"Faguette-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42055482638418,"sku":"Faguette-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42055482671186,"sku":"Faguette-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42055482703954,"sku":"Faguette-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42055482736722,"sku":"Faguette-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42055482769490,"sku":"Faguette-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42055482802258,"sku":"Faguette-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42055482835026,"sku":"Faguette-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42055482867794,"sku":"Faguette-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42055482900562,"sku":"Faguette-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42055482933330,"sku":"Faguette-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Faguette_Baguette_LGBTQ_Meme_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482098"},{"product_id":"new-sid-on-my-face-funny-inappropriate-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* Sid On My Face Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Sid On My Face tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. A childhood movie reference that went somewhere it absolutely should not have gone. If you got it, you're our people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople whose movie taste peaked in childhood and whose humor peaked somewhere worse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe friend who ruins movie night with commentary nobody asked for. The person in your group chat who sends things that make you check over your shoulder. If you read \"Sid On My Face\" and immediately laughed, this was made for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not tissue paper\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL (yes, your big friend is covered too)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, because V-necks are for people who take themselves seriously\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay locked in, not fading out after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because we know you're not reading care labels\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt might be the best gift you've ever given.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNothing says \"I know exactly who you are as a person\" like handing someone a shirt that says Sid On My Face. Perfect for birthdays, white elephants, or just a random Tuesday when you want to remind someone you're thinking of them in the worst way possible. They'll either love it or quietly reevaluate your friendship. Either way, memorable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Sid On My Face tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. The DTG printing keeps colors locked in. Wash it inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it holds up fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. Office job? Probably not. Work from home? Nobody can stop you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton. It's a solid, quality tee, not the thin stuff that falls apart after three wears.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I return it if my friend doesn't get the joke?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eGet a funnier friend. 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You already know the punchline. If you don't, this shirt isn't for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in middle school humor and are genuinely proud of it. The kind of person who sends screenshot-worthy texts to the group chat at 2 AM.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt lands hardest at cookouts, bar crawls, and anywhere your mom isn't. Though some of you will absolutely wear it in front of your mom, and honestly, respect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (yes, the big kids eat too)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck because we're unhinged, not unfashionable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the graphic stays vivid through countless washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to sleep in when you pass out on someone's couch\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a fantastic gift if you want to be the funniest person at the party and also possibly never invited back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for birthdays, white elephants, bachelor parties, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of someone specific. That instinct is correct. Trust it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Third Little Piggy shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSizes S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. The DTG print holds up. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it handles a normal cycle just fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. If your boss laughs at dirty jokes, go for it. If HR sends weekly emails about the dress code, save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the shirt comfortable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eVery. Heavyweight cotton but not stiff. 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If you've been deep in the Labubu meme trenches, this one needs no explanation. If you haven't, honestly, keep scrolling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople whose group chats would get them investigated. The Lajewbu hits hardest with the chronically online crowd who saw the Labubu craze and immediately thought \"this needs to be more offensive.\" You collect niche memes the way normal people collect hobbies, and your wardrobe should reflect that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't feel like a tissue paper freebie from a 5K you didn't run\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because bad taste comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic cut, no surprises\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e for color that outlasts your friendships\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e (your browser history, however, is not)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this get me in trouble?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. That's kind of the whole deal. The Lajewbu isn't for people who play it safe. Wear it around people who get dark humor, or wear it around people who don't and enjoy the chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's not for the easily rattled. If the name alone made you gasp, this probably isn't your brand. We have other shirts. They're also offensive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat is a Labubu?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA collectible doll that took over the internet. If you don't already know, the joke on this shirt loses about 80% of its power. Google it, then come back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMinimal shrinkage if you follow care instructions. Cold wash, tumble dry low. 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Don't gift it to a coworker unless you're fine with an HR meeting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42084250189906,"sku":"Jewbu-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42084250419282,"sku":"Jewbu-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42084250452050,"sku":"Jewbu-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42084250484818,"sku":"Jewbu-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42084250517586,"sku":"Jewbu-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42084250550354,"sku":"Jewbu-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42084250583122,"sku":"Jewbu-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Lajewbu_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482272"},{"product_id":"streets-turned-me-despicable-but-my-money-still-gru-funny-meme-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* Streets Turned Me Despicable Minions Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Streets Turned Me Despicable Minions Tee from Unethical Threads is for people who saw the villain arc and said \"yeah, that tracks.\" Your money still Gru, your patience didn't, and you stopped pretending somewhere around 2019.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've been through it and came out funnier. If your coping mechanism is memes and your whole aesthetic is \"animated supervillain with a point,\" this is the shirt. It hits different when you actually relate to the Gru grind.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like an actual shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because villainy comes in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic, no surprises\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors don't bail after three washes like your ex\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e, because the streets already made you smaller inside\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone who quotes Gru unironically and has opinions about hustle culture, yes. 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If someone gets offended by that, the streets turned them fragile.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42138754482258,"sku":"MoneyRU-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42138754515026,"sku":"MoneyRU-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42138754547794,"sku":"MoneyRU-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42138754580562,"sku":"MoneyRU-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42138754613330,"sku":"MoneyRU-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42138754646098,"sku":"MoneyRU-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42138754678866,"sku":"MoneyRU-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42138754711634,"sku":"MoneyRU-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42138754744402,"sku":"MoneyRU-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42138754777170,"sku":"MoneyRU-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42138754809938,"sku":"MoneyRU-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42138754842706,"sku":"MoneyRU-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42138754875474,"sku":"MoneyRU-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42138754908242,"sku":"MoneyRU-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/The_Streets_Turned_Me_Despicable_But_My_Money_Still_Gru_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1756852511"},{"product_id":"onlyfangs-t-shirt-funny-halloween-parody-tee","title":"Onlyfangs Halloween Parody Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Onlyfangs Halloween Parody Tee from Unethical Threads is for everyone who saw that logo and immediately thought of something with more bite. A vampire-themed parody that lands somewhere between spooky season and \"I can't believe you wore that.\" You already know what it's referencing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in October. The friend who shows up to the Halloween party in something nobody can post on Instagram.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your sense of humor comes with a content warning, the Onlyfangs tee is basically your uniform. It works at costume parties, horror movie nights, or just a regular Tuesday when you want people to give you a wide berth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a blood drive\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because some things don't need reinventing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the design stays sharp and the colors don't bail after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with fake blood and poor life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone whose humor skews \"probably shouldn't post that,\" absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the gift that says \"I get you\" without saying much else. If the recipient clutches pearls at puns, maybe get them a candle instead. The Onlyfangs tee is for people who laugh at the things they probably shouldn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Onlyfangs tee only for Halloween?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically it's a Halloween parody, but nobody's stopping you from wearing it year-round. Vampires don't have a season.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe design is DTG printed directly into the fabric, so it holds up wash after wash without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually funny or just edgy?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBoth. That's the sweet spot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42153643147346,"sku":"OFangs-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42153643180114,"sku":"OFangs-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42153643212882,"sku":"OFangs-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42153643245650,"sku":"OFangs-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42153643278418,"sku":"OFangs-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42153643311186,"sku":"OFangs-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42153643343954,"sku":"OFangs-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Onlyfangs_TShirt_Funny_Halloween_Parody_Tee.jpg?v=1758061140"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/collections\/Funny_Newlywed_Shirts.jpg?v=1761607757","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/collections\/funny-newlywed-shirts.oembed","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}