{"title":"Funny Side By Side Shirts","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDiscover Unethical Threads' funny side by side shirts collection featuring bold, unapologetically funny designs. Each piece combines quality materials with humor that actually lands. Shop funny side by side shirts with confidence - sizes S-4XL, fast shipping, 30-day guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-funny-side-by-side-shirts'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-funny-side-by-side-shirts\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Funny Side By Side Shirts Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/t-shirt-60-geburtstag-mann-lustig\"\u003eT Shirt 60 Geburtstag Mann Lustig\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-girl-dad-shirts\"\u003eFunny Girl Dad Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Funny Side By Side Shirts\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-side-by-side-shirts\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"barry-mccockiner-2024-tee-black","title":"Barry McCockiner 2024 Tee (Black)","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Barry McCockiner 2024 tee from Unethical Threads is the write-in candidate your wardrobe didn't know it needed. A fake political campaign shirt for anyone who looked at both options and said \"nah.\" Wear it to the cookout, wear it to Thanksgiving, and watch what happens.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's Actually Voting for Barry McCockiner?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone who gave up on real candidates. This shirt hits different in an election year, but honestly, it's funny all year round. It's for the person in your group chat who posts the worst takes and somehow you still agree with half of them. If you've ever thought \"I'd rather write in a name that sounds deeply inappropriate,\" congratulations. You found your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not that see-through tissue-paper stuff\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL (yes, 4XL, because representation matters)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, because we made a choice and we're sticking with it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print for colors that don't fade when you inevitably ignore the care instructions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, so what you order is what shows up\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs the Barry McCockiner Tee a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift for the person who's impossible to shop for. You know the one. Nothing from a normal store works, and a gift card feels lazy. This shirt says \"I know exactly who you are, and I support it.\" Works for birthdays, white elephant, Secret Santa, or a random Tuesday when you want to make someone's day significantly worse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the Barry McCockiner shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. Order your normal size and you're good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. We don't make the rules at your office.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Runs comfy across the board.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow should I wash this shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTurn it inside out, cold wash, tumble dry low. The DTG print holds up if you treat your laundry with basic human decency.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's sort of the whole idea.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40290404859986,"sku":"Barry-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40290404892754,"sku":"Barry-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40290404925522,"sku":"Barry-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40290404958290,"sku":"Barry-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40290404991058,"sku":"Barry-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515144548434,"sku":"Barry-Black-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515144581202,"sku":"Barry-Black-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/23f8d2d37bd391d490b531812658afdb.jpg?v=1762471398"},{"product_id":"yeezy-for-president-tee","title":"Yeezy For President Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Yeezy For President Tee is Unethical Threads' tribute to the campaign that nobody asked for but everyone secretly wanted to see play out. If you watched those press conferences and thought \"this is fine,\" this shirt is your uniform. Democracy was never this entertaining.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who can laugh at politics without crying about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKanye fans who love the man and the meme equally. People who think the electoral process peaked somewhere around \"I'ma let you finish.\" It's the rare shirt that gets a laugh from both sides of the aisle, mostly because neither side wants to claim this one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like you take yourself seriously (even if the shirt says otherwise)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL. Room for every ego.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck. Classic. Presidential, even.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print. Colors stay locked in long after the campaign is over.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. What you order is what you get. No surprises, which is more than you can say for actual elections.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eCan I actually gift this to someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes, and you should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the gift for the friend who has opinions about everything and a sense of humor about all of it. Kanye fans, political junkies, meme collectors, the person at the cookout who always says something they shouldn't. The Yeezy For President Tee lands every time because the joke is bulletproof.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an official Kanye campaign shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is a parody tee from Unethical Threads. We are not affiliated with Kanye West, Yeezy, or any political campaign. We just think it's funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Yeezy For President Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG printing holds up. Wash inside out, cold water, tumble dry low. The print will outlast your interest in politics.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on your Thanksgiving table. Most people laugh. Some people have follow-up questions. Nobody's called the cops yet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40290406367314,"sku":"Yeezy-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40290406400082,"sku":"Yeezy-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40290406432850,"sku":"Yeezy-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40290406465618,"sku":"Yeezy-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40290406498386,"sku":"Yeezy-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515195895890,"sku":"Yeezy-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515195928658,"sku":"Yeezy-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40290406531154,"sku":"Yeezy-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40290406563922,"sku":"Yeezy-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40290406596690,"sku":"Yeezy-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40290406629458,"sku":"Yeezy-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40290406662226,"sku":"Yeezy-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515195961426,"sku":"Yeezy-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515195994194,"sku":"Yeezy-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/4109616d14e8b1174f79d440c0343883.jpg?v=1762471400"},{"product_id":"brent-pederson-2024-presidential-tee","title":"Brent Peterson 2024 Presidential Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Brent Peterson 2024 Presidential Tee from Unethical Threads is your official campaign merch for a candidate who doesn't exist. Well, he might exist. But he's definitely not running for president, and that's exactly why you're wearing this.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho is Brent Peterson and why is he running for president?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHe's not. That's the joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBrent Peterson has the same number of policy positions as he has campaign offices: zero. This shirt is for the people who looked at every actual candidate and thought, \"you know what, I'd rather vote for a guy I just made up.\" It's political satire for anyone who's given up on sincerity and fully embraced the bit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds up better than most campaign promises\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (democracy is for everybody)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're endorsing a fake candidate, not attending a black-tie fundraiser\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors last longer than the average political career\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, which is more than we can say for most candidates' egos\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for someone who hates politics?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift for someone who hates politics. Nothing says \"I see you\" like handing someone a shirt for a presidential candidate that doesn't exist.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt also works for the friend who won't shut up about politics, the coworker who puts bumper stickers on their laptop, or honestly just yourself. No judgment here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs Brent Peterson a real person?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMaybe. But he's not a real presidential candidate. That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex fit, so it works for everyone regardless of political affiliation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. Unlike certain politicians, it won't change shape after you commit to it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for Election Day?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically nothing about it is illegal. Wearing it to an actual polling place is your call and possibly your best decision of the cycle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40301623115858,"sku":"Brent-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40301623181394,"sku":"Brent-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40301623246930,"sku":"Brent-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40301623312466,"sku":"Brent-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40301623378002,"sku":"Brent-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515152216146,"sku":"Brent-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515152314450,"sku":"Brent-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40301623148626,"sku":"Brent-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40301623214162,"sku":"Brent-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40301623279698,"sku":"Brent-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40301623345234,"sku":"Brent-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40301623410770,"sku":"Brent-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515152248914,"sku":"Brent-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515152347218,"sku":"Brent-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/24fafbcb1dc9e39dfa6524fef711b899.png?v=1762471422"},{"product_id":"pussy-builds-strong-bones-tee-black","title":"Pussy Builds Strong Bones Tee (Black)","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Pussy Builds Strong Bones tee is Unethical Threads' public service announcement for anyone who takes their calcium intake personally. Heavyweight cotton, full DTG print, and the kind of nutritional advice you won't find on a cereal box. You already know if this is your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think innuendo is a love language. This is for the person in your friend group who says the thing everyone else was thinking. The one whose texts would get read aloud in court someday. If you've ever made a nurse laugh during a physical, congratulations, you're the target demographic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL, because strong bones come in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, nothing fancy, nothing wrong with that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors stay vivid even after your mom washes it trying to make it disappear\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e, because surprises belong in the joke, not the fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift for someone you actually like. Not your coworker. Not your boss. The friend who sends you memes at 2 AM that you can't open in public. Wrap it or don't. The shirt speaks for itself the second they unfold it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Pussy Builds Strong Bones shirt true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but most people find their usual size works.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The DTG print is made to hold color wash after wash. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it, but it handles regular wear just fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this come in other colors?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis listing is for the black version. Check our store for other colorways and similar designs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on your definition of appropriate. We've seen people wear it to barbecues, bars, and the occasional PTA meeting. Results vary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe can't stop you. But if HR calls, we don't know you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40313315229778,"sku":"Pussy-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40313315262546,"sku":"Pussy-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40313315295314,"sku":"Pussy-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40313315328082,"sku":"Pussy-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40313315360850,"sku":"Pussy-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515190685778,"sku":"Pussy-Black-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515190718546,"sku":"Pussy-Black-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/ee9646654977dbc4bc163757a17f0622.jpg?v=1762471455"},{"product_id":"ronald-ragin-tee","title":"Ronald Ragin' Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Ronald Ragin' Tee from Unethical Threads is Reagan reimagined with the energy of someone three beers deep at a Fourth of July cookout. Political humor for people who don't take politics, or themselves, too seriously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour uncle who won't stop talking about the '80s. The guy at the barbecue who somehow knows every president's middle name but can't remember his own anniversary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, anyone who thinks Reagan's best quality was his meme potential. 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One president in American history has a booking photo, and we slapped \"Legend\" on it. You're welcome.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who saw that mugshot drop and immediately thought \"that's going on a shirt.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend who sends unhinged political memes at 2 AM. The coworker who makes the joke everyone was thinking but nobody said out loud. 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You're inappropriate, not uncivilized.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors outlast your relationships\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e. Your choices are questionable but at least your laundry routine doesn't have to be.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift for someone you actually know well enough to give it to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is not a Secret Santa pick for the coworker you met last Tuesday. This is for your best friend, your partner who gets your humor, or yourself, because you earned it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the Two Seater sweatshirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a relaxed unisex fit. If you want it snug, go with your normal size. 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You're nice to people who deserve it. That's not a character flaw, that's character development.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople with manners and limits. The kind of person who holds the door open but will absolutely tell you about yourself if you skip the thank you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis isn't an attitude problem. It's an attitude solution. You spent years being too agreeable, and now you've recalibrated. 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Because nothing screams dominance like a cat that knocks your water glass off the table at 3 AM. Sarcastic, funny, and the only alpha merch worth owning.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who thinks the alpha male concept peaked when a cat got involved.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever watched someone unironically call themselves an alpha and thought \"my cat has more authority than you,\" this shirt gets it. Cat lovers, meme addicts, people who like their humor dry and their t shirts loud. 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It sits right at the intersection of \"I read books\" and \"I never matured past seventh grade,\" which, honestly, is a great place to be.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because Freud wouldn't gatekeep\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck (Sigmund was a crew neck guy, trust us)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay vivid through your existential crisis and laundry cycles\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable, which is more than we can say for your search history\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the gift for the friend who sends memes in the group chat that nobody responds to but everyone screenshots. 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Unethical Threads took a world leader, stuffed him in a loaf of bread, and printed it on a shirt because obviously that needed to exist. You either get it instantly or you don't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think the intersection of geopolitics and carbohydrates is comedy gold. The kind of person who drops a perfect pun in the group chat and waits for it to land. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis isn't a shirt you wear to blend in. It's the shirt you wear because you think the world is absurd and you've decided to match its energy. 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If someone in your life has a sense of humor that makes your mom nervous, hand them this shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthday, White Elephant, random Thursday because you felt like it. All valid. Just know your audience. We're not fielding calls from your in-laws.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Vladamir Gluten shirt good quality?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Thick, soft, and doesn't turn see-through after three washes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. 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The kid who didn't make the Christmas card, who got blamed first, who mom introduces as \"my other one.\" The Not Mom's Favorite tee from Unethical Threads is for that kid, all grown up and still not sorry about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe second-born. The middle child. The one who showed up to Thanksgiving with a flask.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever heard \"why can't you be more like your sister,\" this shirt was literally made for you. 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If you know someone who's proudly not the favorite, this is the move.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a relaxed, comfortable fit. 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Stocks, slots, crypto, that \"investment property\" your cousin talked you into. If your portfolio looks like a crime scene, at least your outfit can be honest about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDegenerates, day traders, poker night regulars, and anyone whose Robinhood notifications read like a horror novel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the shirt you throw on when your friends ask how your investments are going and you'd rather let your chest do the talking. It's self-deprecating humor for people who've earned it the hard way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can survive more cycles than your portfolio can survive bad trades\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL. Room for everyone.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck. Nothing fancy, just like your returns.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that keeps its color longer than you keep your money\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk so at least something in your life won't lose value\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Without question.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has ever said \"it'll bounce back\" while staring at a red screen, this is their shirt. Works for birthdays, holidays, or as a consolation prize after a particularly rough earnings call. They'll laugh. They might also cry. That's the sweet spot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. Unlike your savings, it holds its shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I Love Losing Money shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in wash after wash. Your money disappears, but the print stays.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone who gambles?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they've ever lost money and laughed about it, yes. It's the perfect gift for anyone with a sense of humor about their finances.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760145772626,"sku":"MFLose-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760145805394,"sku":"MFLose-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760145838162,"sku":"MFLose-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760145870930,"sku":"MFLose-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760145903698,"sku":"MFLose-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/MFLose.jpg?v=1762476819"},{"product_id":"bring-me-my-keys-t-shirt","title":"AAA Bring Me My Keys T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Bring Me My Keys tee from Unethical Threads puts your worst impulse on heavyweight cotton. Beer bottles, a demand instead of a request, and the kind of confidence only four drinks deep can give you. It's not a cry for help. It's a whole lifestyle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've been cut off at least once. The friend everyone loves but nobody trusts with a set of car keys.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever texted \"I'm fine to drive\" and immediately walked into a screen door, this is your uniform. Wear it to the pregame. Wear it to brunch. Wear it to your court-mandated class if you're feeling spicy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can survive whatever you spill on it (and you will spill on it)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bad decisions come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e for when you need to look somewhat human at noon on a Sunday\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e that keeps its color longer than you keep your composure\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e because you're definitely not hand-washing anything\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift for the person your friend group has a side chat about.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know exactly who needs the Bring Me My Keys shirt. The one who always says \"one more round\" three rounds after they should've stopped. The one who pats their pockets for keys that are already in the Uber driver's nightmares. Wrap it up, hand it over, watch them laugh and then completely miss the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about drunk driving?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's about a person who wants their keys. What they do after that is between them and their insurance company.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Bring Me My Keys tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it works on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing soaks the ink into the fabric instead of sitting on top. The colors last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a bar?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can and you should. It practically lives there.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you know someone whose relationship with car keys is, let's say, complicated, yes. 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Beer bottles, a terrible request, and the kind of dark humor that makes you the person your friends warn their new boyfriends about. We put it on a shirt because someone had to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think designated drivers are just suggestions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, if your humor has ever made someone at a party go quiet for a second, this is your shirt. It's the kind of tee that pairs well with a cooler full of bad decisions and zero intent to learn from them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can survive a night you won't remember\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (yes, we got the big boys covered)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because V-necks are for people who make better choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds its color wash after wash, unlike your reputation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePreshrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e so it fits the same whether you're sober or... not\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually about drunk driving?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe're not your mom.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe shirt says Get Me My Keys next to some beers, and you can interpret that however you want. Maybe you just really like keys. Maybe you're a designated driver activist doing deep undercover satire. We don't ask questions and neither should you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e It's preshrunk, so it'll hold its size. Which is more than we can say about your dignity after three drinks.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Get Me My Keys shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so everyone can make questionable fashion choices equally.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e Nope. DTG printing means the design is embedded in the fabric. It'll outlast most of your friendships.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCan I give this as a gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e Absolutely. It's the kind of gift that tells someone you know them, maybe too well. Perfect for birthdays, holidays, or court-mandated apology situations.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760165728338,"sku":"GMMK-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760165761106,"sku":"GMMK-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760165793874,"sku":"GMMK-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760165826642,"sku":"GMMK-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760165859410,"sku":"GMMK-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/GMMK.jpg?v=1762476822"},{"product_id":"hand-me-my-keys-t-shirt","title":"AAA Hand Me My Keys T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Hand Me My Keys tee from Unethical Threads puts your worst bar-closing instinct right on your chest. 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Mostly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that survives a night out and the morning after\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (room for bar snacks)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you're classy like that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay vivid long after your memory of last night fades\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because your decisions shrink enough on their own\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eCan I give this as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf the person laughs, absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they lecture you about it, you just learned something important about that friendship. This lands hardest with the friend who always volunteers to drive and immediately orders a pitcher. 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The DTG print holds up well, but don't treat it like you treat your liver.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSome people, absolutely. Those people were never going to buy it anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760171757650,"sku":"HMMK-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760171790418,"sku":"HMMK-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760171823186,"sku":"HMMK-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760171855954,"sku":"HMMK-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760171888722,"sku":"HMMK-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/HMMK.jpg?v=1762476823"},{"product_id":"bagel-slut-t-shirt","title":"AAA Bagel Slut T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Bagel Slut tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone whose relationship with carbs crossed a line a long time ago. \"Butter Me Up\" isn't a request, it's a lifestyle. This is the shirt your brunch group didn't know they needed until you showed up wearing it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who order everything bagels with extra schmear and no shame.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe type who posts their food before eating it, who argues about the best bagel shop with the intensity of a political debate. If your weekend revolves around a bakery line, this Bagel Slut shirt is just telling the truth about you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because carb love knows no size limit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e for maximum bagel-eating comfort\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e that keeps the color sharp through countless wash cycles\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it still fits after your third everything bagel\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Without question.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone who builds their entire personality around bagels (and you definitely do), this is the move. It's funnier than a gift card and way more personal than whatever generic thing you were going to grab last minute. The Bagel Slut shirt works for birthdays, holidays, or just a casual callout of someone's carb dependency.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Bagel Slut shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The DTG print holds up wash after wash. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it, but it handles regular use just fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. If your office has a sense of humor, go for it. If HR already has a file on you, maybe save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat material is it made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton. 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Because toughness has a shelf life, and it expires the second your stomach starts making threats. A frog in a cowboy hat delivers the hard truth. You're welcome.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly? Anyone who's been personally victimized by their own digestive system.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt hits hardest for people who love the cowboy aesthetic but also know the specific panic of hearing your stomach growl in a quiet room. You don't have to ride horses or chew tobacco. You just have to be a human being with a gut that occasionally turns on you. That's the whole qualification.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds up better than your stomach after Taco Tuesday\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because tummy aches don't discriminate\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e for easy on and off (important when things go south quickly)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the cowboy frog keeps his color wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with antacids and poor life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's an incredible gift. Specifically for the friend who always says \"I'm fine\" while clearly not being fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Even Cowboys Get Tummy Aches shirt works for birthdays, holidays, or as a get-well present for someone recovering from food poisoning. It's also solid for the person in your life who thinks they're tough but absolutely crumbles when their stomach starts acting up. You know who they are. They know who they are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Even Cowboys Get Tummy Aches tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so there's room for you and whatever questionable meal you just ate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMinimal shrinkage if you follow care instructions. Cold wash, tumble dry low. Treat it better than you treat your stomach.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the print quality like?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDTG (direct to garment) printing. The colors hold up through wash after wash. The frog stays crispy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually funny or is it one of those \"you had to be there\" things?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePeople get it instantly. The frog, the cowboy hat, the tummy aches. It's universally relatable and immediately funny. No explanation needed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40760430198866,"sku":"COTummy-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40760430231634,"sku":"COTummy-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40760430264402,"sku":"COTummy-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40760430297170,"sku":"COTummy-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760430329938,"sku":"COTummy-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/COTummy.jpg?v=1762476841"},{"product_id":"i-dont-want-to-cook-anymore-t-shirt","title":"AAA I Don't Want To Cook Anymore T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Don't Want To Cook Anymore shirt from Unethical Threads features everyone's favorite existentially exhausted chef rat saying what you've been screaming internally since Tuesday. It's the dinner-time death wish you can wear in public.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's stood in front of the fridge at 6pm and felt their soul leave their body. Home cooks, takeout loyalists, parents who just made mac and cheese for the fourteenth consecutive night. You don't need to love cooking to wear this. You just need to be done with it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because existential kitchen dread has no size limit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the rat keeps his color no matter how many times you stress-wash this thing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e, because at least something in your life won't let you down\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. If someone in your life has ever texted \"what should we have for dinner\" with visible despair, they need this shirt. It works for birthdays, holidays, or just a random \"I saw this and thought of you.\" The bar is low. The shirt clears it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the I Don't Want To Cook Anymore shirt say exactly?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe full text reads \"I don't want to cook anymore, I want to die\" with a chef rat illustration. It's the meme that took off because everyone related to it a little too hard.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSizes S through 4XL. It's a unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable and slightly roomy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe design is DTG printed, which means it's embedded into the fabric, not sitting on top. Wash inside out on cold and it'll hold up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your workplace. If your coworkers understand meme humor and mild existential dread, you're fine. If HR has feelings about the word \"die\" on clothing, maybe save it for weekends.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760549998674,"sku":"RCook-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760550031442,"sku":"RCook-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760550064210,"sku":"RCook-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760550096978,"sku":"RCook-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760550129746,"sku":"RCook-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/RCook.jpg?v=1762476854"},{"product_id":"master-baiter-t-shirt","title":"AAA Master Baiter T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Master Baiter tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. A fishing shirt for people who've been waiting their whole lives to wear this phrase in public with plausible deniability. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears a Master Baiter shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone who's ever wanted to. Dads, obviously. Fishermen who think they're funnier than they are (they might be right). People who peaked in middle school humor and are thriving there.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the rare shirt that works at a lake, a barbecue, or a family reunion you're trying to get uninvited from. 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Or someone who doesn't fish but gets the joke, which is everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the kind of present that gets unwrapped at a birthday party and makes half the room laugh while the other half pretends they don't get it. Either reaction is a win. Father's Day, white elephant, retirement party for the guy in accounting who won't stop talking about bass. It fits every occasion where taste is optional.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the Master Baiter shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Wash it however you want, it holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Relaxed unisex fit, so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG (direct-to-garment) printing means the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Colors stay put.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I actually wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt says Master Baiter. It's a fishing term. You have complete plausible deniability.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760555307090,"sku":"MMMB-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760555339858,"sku":"MMMB-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760555372626,"sku":"MMMB-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760555405394,"sku":"MMMB-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760555438162,"sku":"MMMB-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40760555470930,"sku":"MMMB-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40760555503698,"sku":"MMMB-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40760555536466,"sku":"MMMB-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40760555569234,"sku":"MMMB-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760555602002,"sku":"MMMB-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/MMMB.jpg?v=1762476854"},{"product_id":"save-the-environment-eat-plastic-t-shirt","title":"AAA Save The Environment Eat Plastic T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Save The Environment Eat Plastic tee is Unethical Threads doing what we do best: taking your anxiety about the planet and turning it into a cat meme. It's absurdist, it's a little unhinged, and it's printed on a shirt you'll actually want to wear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who recycle but also know it's mostly theater. The ones who bring reusable bags to the store and then use them to carry home single-use everything.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever said \"we're all gonna die anyway\" while sorting your compost, this shirt was designed for you. It's not activism. It's not anti-activism. It's the third option nobody asked for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because some things don't need reinventing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay sharp through every wash (the planet won't, but your shirt will)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. This is the gift for the friend who sends you articles about microplastics at 2 AM.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe one who laughs at things they probably shouldn't. Skip the gift card, grab this instead. They'll know you actually pay attention to their sense of humor, which is more than most people can say.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the Save The Environment Eat Plastic shirt look like?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt features a cat meme graphic with the text \"Save The Environment, Eat Plastic.\" DTG printed for sharp detail and colors that last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton holds its shape. Wash cold and tumble dry low.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt going to offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a cat suggesting you eat plastic. If that offends someone, they were looking for a reason.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760614027346,"sku":"EPCE-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760614060114,"sku":"EPCE-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760614092882,"sku":"EPCE-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760614125650,"sku":"EPCE-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760614158418,"sku":"EPCE-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/EPCE.jpg?v=1762476861"},{"product_id":"i-love-it-when-my-wife-lets-me-go-golfing-t-shirt","title":"AAA I Love It When My Wife Lets Me Go Golfing T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe \"I Love It When My Wife Lets Me Go Golfing\" tee from Unethical Threads is for every guy who negotiates tee times like hostage situations. She says yes, you don't ask follow-up questions. You grab your clubs and leave before she changes her mind.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003eGuys who golf. Guys whose wives know they golf too much.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is the shirt that says what you're already thinking every Saturday morning. Your buddies will see it, screenshot it to the group chat, and immediately send it to their own wives as a passive-aggressive hint. Wear it to the course, wear it to the cookout, wear it when she asks why you need another round this week.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a print on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because golf doesn't discriminate by body type\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, clean and simple\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors survive the wash cycle better than your scorecard survives the back nine\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs nicely with cargo shorts and the faint smell of freshly cut fairway\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt's one of the easiest gifts you'll ever buy. Father's Day, birthday, retirement, random Tuesday because you saw it and thought of him.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf the guy golfs and has ever been married (or is currently surviving one), he'll get it instantly. Honestly, half the orders on shirts like this come from wives who think it's funny. The other half come from the husbands themselves, buying it as \"evidence.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually funny or just boomer humor?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's both, and that's the point. The best golf humor hits because it's painfully accurate. If you've ever had to justify a Saturday tee time, this shirt speaks your truth.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but the relaxed cut is forgiving.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton, so follow the care label and you'll be fine. Cold wash, tumble dry low. Don't treat it like a driving range towel.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for a golfer?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOne of the easiest gifts you'll ever buy. If they golf and they're married (or were), they'll get it immediately.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the print hold up?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDTG printing locks the ink into the fabric. The colors hold up wash after wash. Your golf game might fade, but this print won't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760661966930,"sku":"WifeGolf-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760661999698,"sku":"WifeGolf-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760662032466,"sku":"WifeGolf-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760662065234,"sku":"WifeGolf-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760662098002,"sku":"WifeGolf-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/WifeGolf.jpg?v=1762476869"},{"product_id":"i-ll-be-in-the-backyard-t-shirt","title":"AAA I’ll Be In The Backyard T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'll Be In The Backyard tee from Unethical Threads is for the guy who steps outside and doesn't come back until the whiskey's gone. Cigar in hand, glass nearby, people far away. This is not a gardening shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe guy at every cookout who disappears for 45 minutes and comes back smelling like smoke and contentment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your idea of \"outdoor fun\" is a lawn chair, a stiff drink, and the sweet sound of nobody asking you for anything, you already know. This shirt is less of a purchase and more of a uniform. You've earned the backyard. Wear the announcement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin from a fundraiser\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL. Nobody's excluded from backyard exile.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck. Classic. Nothing weird happening up top.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the graphic survives every wash, smoke session, and questionable marinade incident\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with charcoal smoke, brown liquor, and comfortable silence\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a fantastic gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFather's Day, birthdays, retirement parties, or any occasion where the recipient's ideal Saturday involves avoiding the inside of their own house. If they own a smoker or have strong opinions about charcoal vs. propane, stop overthinking it and just buy the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's on the shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"I'll be in the backyard\" text with a cigar and whiskey glass graphic. Clean design, clear message. No one will have to ask what you meant.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes do you carry?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it holds up fine. We're not out here selling tissue paper.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for a family BBQ?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a shirt about whiskey and cigars in the backyard. Your family already knows who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760680185938,"sku":"BWhisk-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760680218706,"sku":"BWhisk-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760680251474,"sku":"BWhisk-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760680284242,"sku":"BWhisk-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760680317010,"sku":"BWhisk-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/BWhisk.jpg?v=1762476871"},{"product_id":"i-am-in-crippling-debt-t-shirt","title":"AAA I Am In Crippling Debt T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Am In Crippling Debt t-shirt from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. A depressed little rat announcing your financial ruin to anyone within reading distance. Wear it to brunch, to the bank, to your third job.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who check their bank account like it's a horror movie. If you've ever laughed to keep from crying at a credit card statement, you're the target audience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis tee is for the financially unwell and emotionally unbothered. The rat gets it. You get it. Your student loans definitely get it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that won't fall apart like your 401(k)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because at least something in your life should feel put-together\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay vivid longer than your credit score\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk and machine washable. The shirt holds up even if you can't.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. If someone in your life is drowning in student loans, a mortgage they can't afford, or just vibes with financial despair, this is the gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt says \"I see you, and I think your suffering is hilarious.\" That's love. Pair it with a $5 gift card for maximum irony.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt soft or is it one of those stiff uncomfortable ones?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton with a relaxed fit. Soft, comfortable, and built for daily wear. Your debt might be uncomfortable, but this shirt isn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. Follow the care label and it'll hold its shape. Unlike your savings account.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I Am In Crippling Debt shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for everyone who's ever looked at their bank balance and just sighed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric. No cracking, no peeling, no fading into obscurity like your financial plans.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760718426194,"sku":"CDebt-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760718458962,"sku":"CDebt-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760718491730,"sku":"CDebt-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760718524498,"sku":"CDebt-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760718557266,"sku":"CDebt-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/CDebt.jpg?v=1762476874"},{"product_id":"miss-me-yet-t-shirt","title":"AAA Miss Me Yet T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Miss Me Yet T Shirt from Unethical Threads is for people who already made up their mind and want everyone at the barbecue to know it. You know exactly who this is about. No explanation needed, no apology coming.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDads. Uncles. That one coworker who keeps their opinions on the outside of their chest.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou'll spot this at tailgates, holiday dinners, and anywhere someone's about to make the group chat interesting. Pairs nicely with a cold beer and a complete unwillingness to read the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue-thin afterthought\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because political opinions come in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck cut. Nothing experimental happening here\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printed, so the colors stay loud even after spite-washing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk fabric, because this shirt should still fit after the dryer does its worst\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's not a defect, that's the product working as designed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you're gifting this, make sure the recipient is the type who laughs at Thanksgiving instead of crying at it. For everyone else, there are candles.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually good quality?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with DTG printing. This isn't a gas station impulse buy. It's built to outlast at least two election cycles.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Miss Me Yet shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. We don't gatekeep political humor by waist size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG printing holds up wash after wash. Follow the care label and it'll still look fresh when the next campaign cycle hits.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your workplace. If your HR department has a sense of humor, go for it. If not, save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone's politics well enough to buy this, absolutely. If you're guessing, a gift card is safer for everyone involved.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40760887574610,"sku":"MissT-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40760887607378,"sku":"MissT-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40760887640146,"sku":"MissT-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40760887672914,"sku":"MissT-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760887705682,"sku":"MissT-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760887738450,"sku":"MissT-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760887771218,"sku":"MissT-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760887803986,"sku":"MissT-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760887836754,"sku":"MissT-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760887869522,"sku":"MissT-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/MissT.jpg?v=1762476894"},{"product_id":"not-bossy-aggressively-helpful-shirt","title":"AAA Not Bossy Aggressively Helpful Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Not Bossy Aggressively Helpful shirt from Unethical Threads is for people who give unsolicited advice as a love language. You know who you are. Your coworkers definitely know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho is this shirt actually for?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's ever been called bossy and took it as a compliment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOldest siblings, group project survivors who did all the work, reply-all enthusiasts with \"helpful suggestions.\" If you've ever started a sentence with \"What you should do is,\" this is your uniform. The \"aggressively helpful\" part is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, but honestly, so are you. In every situation. Whether anyone asked or not.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can handle your intense energy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (because helpfulness comes in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that keeps its color longer than your patience with incompetence\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, so it fits the same after 50 washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this make a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBuy it for the friend who reorganized your kitchen without being asked. The coworker who sends \"just a thought\" emails that are clearly demands. The parent who calls to \"check in\" but actually wants to manage your life. They'll either laugh or feel personally attacked, and both outcomes are correct.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt unisex?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit available in sizes S through 4XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does \"aggressively helpful\" mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt means you help people whether they want it or not. You know the type. You might be the type.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Wash it however you want, it'll hold up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNothing on it is profane. Whether your boss finds it \"appropriate\" depends entirely on how aggressively helpful you've been lately.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40762154516562,"sku":"NBHelp-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40762154549330,"sku":"NBHelp-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40762154582098,"sku":"NBHelp-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40762154614866,"sku":"NBHelp-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40762154647634,"sku":"NBHelp-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/NBHelp.jpg?v=1762476907"},{"product_id":"get-in-loser-t-shirt","title":"AAA Get In Loser T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Get In Loser tee from Unethical Threads takes the most quotable line from Mean Girls and puts Sleepy Joe behind the wheel. It's the political meme shirt you didn't know your closet was missing. Pop culture meets political satire, printed on a tee that actually holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's Actually Buying This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone from the guy who sends too many memes in the group chat to the coworker who treats casual Friday like performance art.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever quoted Mean Girls in a political argument (and meant it), this shirt was made for you. It hits that sweet spot where movie nostalgia and political roasting overlap, which is apparently a very populated Venn diagram.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that doesn't go tissue-thin after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because good jokes come in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay put even when your opinions don't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk fabric, because surprises belong in politics, not your laundry\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill This Offend Someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's kind of the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you're shopping at Unethical Threads expecting wholesome, family-friendly apparel, you may have taken a wrong turn somewhere. This is a meme shirt. It's meant to be funny. If someone can't handle Sleepy Joe getting the Mean Girls treatment, that says more about them than it does about you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt about Biden?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It takes the classic \"Get In Loser\" Mean Girls quote and puts Biden in the driver's seat. You get the reference or you don't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Get In Loser shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it'll stay looking fresh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your workplace. If your office has a sense of humor, go for it. 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Nothing weird going on up top.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the design holds up even after your in-laws see it and lose their minds\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. Fits the same after 50 washes as it did the first time you wore it to Thanksgiving.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this start an argument?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, maybe. That's kind of the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Mean Tweets \u0026amp; Cheap Gas tee lands differently depending on the room. At your buddy's place? High fives. At a dinner party in Brooklyn? Someone's writing a think piece. Either way, you already know which side of the pump you're on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Mean Tweets \u0026amp; Cheap Gas tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it stays looking fresh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about Trump?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's about cheap gas and mean tweets. You can connect whatever dots you want.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends on your workplace. If you work from home, absolutely. 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It's the shirt for people who turned out funny instead of well-adjusted. You already know if this is for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who assembled their own IKEA furniture at age 9. If your childhood gave you a dark sense of humor and an unshakeable ability to read a room, congratulations, you earned this shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's not a cry for help. It's a victory lap for anyone who turned out mostly fine despite the odds. The duck has a knife because the duck gets it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like the stability you never had\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, pre-shrunk so it stays true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for colors that hold up through years of wash cycles and coping mechanisms\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to sleep in when you crash at a friend's place (again)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has ever described their own behavior as \"fatherless,\" this is the gift. No card needed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the kind of present that gets screenshotted and sent to the group chat before it even ships. Just make sure you're close enough to give it, or you'll have a different kind of conversation entirely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Fatherless Behavior shirt offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTo someone, probably. But the people who get it think it's hilarious, and those are the only opinions that matter here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it works on every body type.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing means the design holds up wash after wash. The duck keeps its knife.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's with the duck?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe duck chose violence. 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You're chaotic, you know it, and this shirt makes it everyone else's problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've been described as \"a lot\" and took it as a compliment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your friends would use the words feral or unhinged to describe you unprompted, congratulations, you've found your uniform. Works at brunch, terrible at job interviews, and perfect for making your parents quietly reconsider their life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a 5K\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (chaos comes in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because some things don't need reinventing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the design stays vivid through your washing machine's worst\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so your feral energy isn't compromised by a surprise crop top\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, one of the best.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone who identifies as feral and unhinged (or someone who desperately needs to be told), this is the move. 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Wash on cold, tumble dry low, and it'll stay sharp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they've ever been called feral, unhinged, or \"too much,\" yes. It's basically a personality certificate in shirt form.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight 100% cotton. 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You're not asking permission. You're issuing a statement, and that statement is: things are about to escalate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho wears an \"I'm About To Get Very Silly\" shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've learned that the best apologies start with foreshadowing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the shirt you throw on before a wedding reception open bar, a friend's birthday dinner that's \"definitely just a chill night,\" or literally any Tuesday that feels like it has potential. 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Pure absurdist, grammatically cursed energy on a shirt. You get it or you don't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who still have meme folders organized by year. The friend everyone screenshots but nobody unfollows.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your group chat has ever devolved into nothing but broken English and cursed images for 48 straight hours, this was made for you. It's not trying to be clever. It just is.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not some see-through gas station situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, classic cut\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't bail after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because nobody wants a surprise crop top\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of the best in the store, honestly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the shirt you get for the friend who sends you unhinged memes at 3 AM with no context. The person who quotes things from 15 years ago and expects everyone to keep up. Wrap it, don't wrap it, chuck it at their head. 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Now there's a shirt for it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like it means business, because it does\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're an instigator, not a monster\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e that keeps its color through every wash and every confrontation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it still fits after you run your mouth and someone makes you run for real\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Without question.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone knows an instigator. Your group chat has one. Your family definitely has one. 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If something's wrong with your order, reach out and we'll make it right.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40998104399954,"sku":"Proinsta-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40998104432722,"sku":"Proinsta-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40998104465490,"sku":"Proinsta-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40998104498258,"sku":"Proinsta-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40998104531026,"sku":"Proinsta-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Proinsta.jpg?v=1762478056"},{"product_id":"aaa-leg-rests-arrow-t-shirt","title":"AAA Leg Rests Arrow T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Leg Rests Arrow T Shirt from Unethical Threads is exactly what it looks like. 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Room for everyone.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Simple. No bells, no whistles, no need.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors don't ghost you after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk.\u003c\/strong\u003e What you order is what shows up. Unlike your Tinder dates.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a fantastic gift if your goal is to make someone open a box, pause for exactly two seconds, and then immediately put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBachelor parties, birthdays, White Elephant where you actually want to win. The Leg Rests Arrow shirt does all the heavy lifting. You just hand it over and wait for the reaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Leg Rests Arrow shirt as inappropriate as it looks?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. The arrow does exactly what you think it does. If you had to ask, you already knew the answer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Runs true to size, no need to size up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's DTG printed on heavyweight cotton so the design holds up through the wash cycle. 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Whether you've got sleeves or just one regrettable ankle piece from spring break, if your mom has Opinions about your choices, this shirt was already yours.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't feel like you're wearing a paper towel\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because tattoo regret doesn't discriminate by body type\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e (the only neckline your mom would approve of, so that's something)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e (direct-to-garment) that keeps its color wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it still fits after your mom tries to boil the sin out of it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for someone with tattoos?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's honestly the perfect gift. 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If you don't know them well, this is either going to make you best friends or get you removed from the group chat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Two Seater tee is a litmus test for someone's sense of humor. Give it to the right person and you're a legend. Give it to the wrong person and, well, that's on you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the Two Seater tee run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt runs true in a relaxed, unisex fit. If you're between sizes, stick with your usual. Sizes go from S to 4XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing bonds the ink into the fabric, so there's no cracking or peeling. 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Follow the care label (cold wash, tumble dry low) and it stays sharp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a limited run?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWe print on demand, so it's available as long as it's listed. But popular designs do rotate out, so don't sit on it forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to Thanksgiving dinner?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can. Whether you should depends entirely on which side of the table you want to sit on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":41081708970066,"sku":"MumbleJoe-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":41081709002834,"sku":"MumbleJoe-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":41081709035602,"sku":"MumbleJoe-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":41081709068370,"sku":"MumbleJoe-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":41081709101138,"sku":"MumbleJoe-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":41081709133906,"sku":"MumbleJoe-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":41081709166674,"sku":"MumbleJoe-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":41081709199442,"sku":"MumbleJoe-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":41081709232210,"sku":"MumbleJoe-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":41081709264978,"sku":"MumbleJoe-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":41081709297746,"sku":"MumbleJoe-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":41081709330514,"sku":"MumbleJoe-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":41081709363282,"sku":"MumbleJoe-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":41081709396050,"sku":"MumbleJoe-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/710e986f7cb31183fb3186b7f3b5589e.jpg?v=1762478554"},{"product_id":"new-mii-boxing-presidential-election-2024-tee","title":"*NEW* Mii Boxing Presidential Election Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Mii Boxing Presidential Election Tee from Unethical Threads is what happens when democracy meets the character select screen. 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It's political merch you'll actually want to wear past inauguration day, which is more than most campaign tees can say.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like a real shirt, not something a volunteer handed you at a rally\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in S through 4XL, because democracy is for everybody\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, clean cut, nothing weird going on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors outlast most political promises\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs nicely with voter fatigue and questionable takes at the barbecue\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this make a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. It doesn't pick a side, it picks on all of them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's survived an election season with their sense of humor intact will appreciate this more than another bumper sticker. Great for birthdays, holidays, or pure \"I saw this and thought of you\" energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're on the fence between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMinimal shrinkage. It's heavyweight cotton, not a cheap rally handout.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print on the front or back?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eFront print. The back is blank so people behind you can mind their own business.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow long does shipping take?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMost orders ship within 3 to 7 business days. Faster than Congress gets anything done.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this limited edition?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eLimited stock. When it's gone, it's gone. 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Heavyweight cotton, inappropriate summer energy, and the kind of joke your group chat sends at 2 AM.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who check the weather app and see an opportunity. If your sense of humor runs hot (pun fully intended), this is your summer uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the shirt you throw on when it's 100 degrees and you've decided to make the heat everyone else's problem too. You're not hiding from the sun. You're flirting with it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that won't disintegrate after one wash cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL, because summer doesn't discriminate by body type\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because V-necks are a whole different kind of risky in this heat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for color that actually survives your sweatiest season\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable, which you're going to need\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life complains about the heat while also refusing to stay inside, yes. This is their shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the kind of gift that says \"I know exactly who you are and I'm not sorry about it.\" Works for birthdays, Father's Day, or just because you saw it and thought of someone specific.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Heat Is Stroking People tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable across the board.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on how your brain processes the word \"stroking.\" We're just talking about the weather.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with DTG printing. The colors hold up through washes and the fabric doesn't feel like a tissue.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow long does shipping take?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost orders ship within 3 to 5 business days. We'll send you tracking info so you can refresh it obsessively.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically yes. 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That debate moment where the entire country collectively said \"wait, what?\" is now immortalized on heavyweight cotton. You watched it. You memed it. Now wear it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who watched that debate and immediately texted their group chat. If your first reaction was to laugh (and then check on your neighbor's cat), this is your shirt. It's political humor without picking a side, which is basically impossible these days, and yet here we are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a campaign rally freebie\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S-4XL (political humor has no size limit)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the color outlasts most political careers\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because at least one thing in this country should be reliable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift. Your dad who yells at the TV during debates? Perfect. Your friend who sends you political memes at 2 AM? Even better. This works for birthdays, holidays, or just because you want to watch someone ugly-laugh when they open a package.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. Wash it however you want, it'll hold up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes do you carry?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. That's sort of the point. If you're shopping at Unethical Threads, you already know the deal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink into the fabric. It won't crack, peel, or fade into irrelevance like most debate soundbites.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a real quote?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. This actually happened on live television. We just put it on a shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":41189300011090,"sku":"EatDogCat-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":41189300043858,"sku":"EatDogCat-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":41189300076626,"sku":"EatDogCat-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":41189300109394,"sku":"EatDogCat-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":41189300142162,"sku":"EatDogCat-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":41189300174930,"sku":"EatDogCat-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":41189300207698,"sku":"EatDogCat-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":41189300240466,"sku":"EatDogCat-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":41189300273234,"sku":"EatDogCat-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":41189300306002,"sku":"EatDogCat-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":41189300371538,"sku":"EatDogCat-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":41189300404306,"sku":"EatDogCat-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":41189300437074,"sku":"EatDogCat-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":41189300469842,"sku":"EatDogCat-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/715fc3060229c73a44bd668c7646b19f.jpg?v=1762479418"},{"product_id":"new-mac-daddy-tee","title":"*NEW* Mac Daddy Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Mac Daddy tee from Unethical Threads immortalizes the single greatest fast food photo op in American political history. 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Buy it for your MAGA uncle, your politically confused coworker, or the friend who won't stop talking about the election.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey'll either love it or you'll learn something interesting about them. Either way, you win.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMinimal shrinkage if you follow care instructions. Cold wash, tumble dry low. Don't overthink it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Daddy's Home Trump shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print good quality?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG (direct to garment) printing. Colors stay locked in. 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Whether you should depends on how much you enjoy watching your aunt's face do that thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":41266233278546,"sku":"DHomme-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":41266233311314,"sku":"DHomme-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":41266233344082,"sku":"DHomme-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":41266233376850,"sku":"DHomme-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":41266233409618,"sku":"DHomme-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":41266233442386,"sku":"DHomme-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":41266233475154,"sku":"DHomme-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":41266233507922,"sku":"DHomme-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":41266233540690,"sku":"DHomme-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":41266233573458,"sku":"DHomme-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":41266233606226,"sku":"DHomme-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":41266233638994,"sku":"DHomme-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":41266233671762,"sku":"DHomme-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":41266233704530,"sku":"DHomme-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/f77fe7a91c5eb095d9b2b277e9332398_64c5dca1-781b-4f22-81ef-b1e0ccad9064.jpg?v=1762480112"},{"product_id":"back-to-the-kitchen-kamala-hilary-political-humor-t-shirt","title":"Back To The Kitchen Kamala Hilary Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Back To The Kitchen Kamala Hilary Tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone who watched two presidential campaigns crash and burn and thought the same thing. Political humor that doesn't care about your feelings. Just heavyweight cotton and a punchline that wrote itself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's Actually Wearing This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think \"bipartisan\" means roasting both sides equally. If you watched Kamala and Hilary's campaigns implode and your first thought was a kitchen joke, you're the target demo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis one hits a nerve with the crowd that lives for election night meltdowns and hasn't apologized for a joke since middle school. Pair it with cargo shorts and complete confidence, or dress it up with a blazer if you want to really confuse people at the office holiday party.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a shirt, not a tissue paper giveaway\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because political humor has no size limit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Nothing fancy. The design does the talking.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e for color that stays put through every wash and every argument at the cookout\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs nicely with Thanksgiving dinner and a complete lack of filter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift for the right person and a horrible gift for the wrong one. You already know which category your recipient falls into.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they sent you a meme about the election results before the concession speech was even over, wrap it up. If they cried during the concession speech, maybe get them a candle instead.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. That's the point. If you need permission to wear it, this probably isn't your brand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Runs true to size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the print hold up in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG printing locks the color in. Follow the care instructions and it'll outlast at least one more election cycle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends entirely on your HR department's sense of humor. 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Presidential humor meets anatomy humor. You already know which one you noticed first.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think presidential humor peaked somewhere between hanging chads and \"Mission Accomplished.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis hat works at barbecues, tailgates, dive bars, and anywhere a crowd can handle a joke that operates on two levels. If someone around you doesn't get it, that's honestly funnier than the hat itself. You'll spot the exact moment it clicks for them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured cotton front panel\u003c\/strong\u003e with full-color print that won't crack or fade on you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e so your head stays cool while your humor stays questionable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most head sizes (even the ones full of bad ideas)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic curved bill trucker silhouette\u003c\/strong\u003e because flat brims are a choice, and not the right one\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size fits most\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for the friend who has strong opinions about both politics and personal grooming. 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If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who know every word to Mr. Brightside and also sat through enough Sunday school to catch the reference immediately. It's the overlap of 2000s karaoke energy and childhood religious education. The kind of person who shows up to Easter brunch looking for a reaction. If your family group chat has ever gone silent because of something you wore, this one's for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (Judas-level betrayal comes in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for color that doesn't fade or crack, which is more than you can say for most friendships\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePreshrunk, so it fits the same on Easter and every Sunday after\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly, and that's kind of the point. Look, if someone at your Easter gathering can't handle a Mr. Brightside and Bible crossover, they were going to find something to be upset about anyway. This shirt doesn't punch down. 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Follow the care instructions and it'll hold up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone who loves memes?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf they've ever sent a Mr. Brightside meme or made a Judas joke, yes. 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Jesus, emerging from the tomb, set to the most dramatic lyrics of the 2000s. It's the crossover nobody asked for and everybody needed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's ever heard Mr. Brightside at a party and immediately thought about the resurrection. So, a very specific and deeply unwell group of people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your sense of humor lives at the intersection of church camp and indie rock, this shirt was made for you. It plays just as well at Easter brunch as it does at a concert where you're three beers deep and feeling spiritual.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that won't disintegrate after three washes like that shirt you got at a youth group retreat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because not everything needs to be complicated\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay locked in even after your mom insists on washing it in hot\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with cargo shorts, communion wine, and poor life decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually offensive?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNot really. It's more \"confuse your pastor\" than \"get kicked out of church.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe beauty of Coming Out Of My Cave is that it works on multiple levels. Music fans get the Mr. Brightside reference. Church people get the Easter bit. And the people who get both? Those are your people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt just for Easter?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. The resurrection is eternal and so is Mr. Brightside. Wear it year-round.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Coming Out Of My Cave tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not slapped on top. 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One of you wears \"I'm Stupid.\" The other wears this. We both know which one you're buying.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho wears the \"I'm Fucking Stupid\" shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe one who lost the argument. Or the one who knows they're the reason the other person needs therapy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEither way, this is the self-aware pick in the matching set. You and your partner both know the truth. This shirt just makes it public.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can handle your bad decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're classy like that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e for color that won't quit before you do\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable.\u003c\/strong\u003e Unlike your reputation.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good couples gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best couples gift if your relationship runs on roasting each other.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePair it with the \"I'm Stupid\" tee and you've got the most honest matching set at any cookout, bar, or family gathering that's about to get uncomfortable. If your partner can't take the joke, that's a bigger problem than the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this come with the matching \"I'm Stupid\" shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo, this listing is for the \"I'm Fucking Stupid\" tee only. The \"I'm Stupid\" shirt is sold separately.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I'm Fucking Stupid shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. Wash inside out on cold and you're good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this without the matching shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. It works as a solo statement too. 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The other half? The I'm Bubbles tee. If you need that explained, this isn't your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho buys matching couples shirts unironically?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've been together long enough that embarrassing each other in public is its own love language. You wear the I Love To Blow Bubbles tee, your partner wears the I'm Bubbles tee, and the rest of the bar does the math. It's a team sport.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a screen print\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because good jokes come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because obviously\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that holds its color through wash cycles, not just the first three\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk so it still fits after laundry day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. The I Love To Blow Bubbles and I'm Bubbles combo is the kind of gift that gets a reaction at the party and actually gets worn afterward. Anniversary, Valentine's Day, \"just because you think it's funny.\" All valid reasons.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the couples shirt set for people who think matching outfits are cringe unless the outfit is also a dirty joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDo the I Love To Blow Bubbles and I'm Bubbles shirts come as a set?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThey're sold separately so you can pick the right size for each person. Grab both to complete the joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe DTG print holds up through the wash. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it, but it's not fragile.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for family gatherings?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on your family. 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