{"title":"Funny Succulent Shirts","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDiscover Unethical Threads' funny succulent shirts collection featuring bold, unapologetically funny designs. Each piece combines quality materials with humor that actually lands. Shop funny succulent shirts with confidence - sizes S-4XL, fast shipping, 30-day guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-funny-succulent-shirts'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-funny-succulent-shirts\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Funny Succulent Shirts Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-team-shirts\"\u003eFunny Team Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-matching-family-christmas-shirts\"\u003eFunny Matching Family Christmas Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Funny Succulent Shirts\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-succulent-shirts\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"bigfoot-is-real-and-he-tried-to-eat-my-ass-funny-inappropriate-trucker-hat","title":"Bigfoot Is Real And He Tried To Eat My Ass Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis is the Bigfoot Is Real And He Tried To Eat My Ass trucker hat from Unethical Threads. It says exactly what happened out there in those woods, and you survived, so you might as well accessorize.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who go camping and come back different. The guy at the cookout who has a story that starts with \"okay, so I was alone in the woods\" and ends with everyone quietly putting down their plates.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever watched Finding Bigfoot and thought the show was holding something back, this hat is your sworn testimony in foam and mesh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front panel\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds its shape better than your story about that night in the woods\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e so your head stays cool while you share your truth\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSnapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e fits most head sizes, no excuses\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVivid front print\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds color wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOne size fits most\u003c\/strong\u003e because Bigfoot doesn't discriminate and neither do we\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the ideal gift for the friend who won't stop talking about cryptids. Or the one who tells weirdly specific stories about their camping trips.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWrap it, hand it over, and watch them finally feel understood. Also works as an apology gift, a birthday gift, or a \"sorry I told everyone about your Bigfoot encounter\" gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat adjustable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. The snapback closure adjusts to fit most head sizes comfortably.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the hat made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eStructured foam and cotton front panel with a breathable polyester mesh back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. The print holds up through regular washing and wear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hat unisex?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Bigfoot does not care about your gender and neither does this hat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTechnically, yes. Whether you should is between you and the other people at Walmart.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42012845473874,"sku":"4063455_15904","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Bigfoot_Is_Real_And_He_Tried_To_Eat_My_Ass_Funny_Inappropriate_Trucker_Hat_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481906"},{"product_id":"im-paint-i-love-to-finger-paint-t-shirt","title":"I'm Paint Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'm Paint tee from Unethical Threads is one half of our most unhinged couples set. You wear this. Your person wears \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/i-love-finger-painting-im-paint-inappropriate-couples-shirt\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"I Love To Finger Paint Shirt\"\u003eI Love To Finger Paint\u003c\/a\u003e. Together you walk into brunch and let the room figure it out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's Wearing This One?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe one who's Paint, obviously. This is the other half of the set, paired with our I Love To Finger Paint tee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of you is the artist, one of you is the canvas. We're not here to judge who's who. Wear them to a party, a cookout, or your in-laws' anniversary dinner if you're feeling particularly brave.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a free promo tee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't bail after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs with our I Love To Finger Paint tee (sold separately, relationships also sold separately)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This Actually a Good Couples Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. It's the kind of gift that says \"I know exactly what we are and I'm not sorry about it.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWay better than matching pajamas. Way more memorable than a candle. If your relationship can't handle this shirt, that's a different conversation entirely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt come as a set with the Finger Paint tee?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo, each shirt is sold separately. Grab the I Love To Finger Paint tee too if you want the full effect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I'm Paint tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing means the design is part of the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Wash normally and skip the dryer abuse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this by itself or does it only work as a pair?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt works solo if you want people spending all day trying to figure out what \"I'm Paint\" means. Which, honestly, is also pretty funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42013158834258,"sku":"Painter-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42013158867026,"sku":"Painter-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42013158899794,"sku":"Painter-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42013158932562,"sku":"Painter-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42013158965330,"sku":"Painter-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42013158998098,"sku":"Painter-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42013159030866,"sku":"Painter-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42013159063634,"sku":"Painter-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42013159096402,"sku":"Painter-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42013159129170,"sku":"Painter-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42013159161938,"sku":"Painter-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42013159194706,"sku":"Painter-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42013159227474,"sku":"Painter-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42013159260242,"sku":"Painter-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_m_Paint_I_Love_To_Finger_Paint_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481916"},{"product_id":"cant-breathalyze-meth-t-shirt-funny-offensive-meme-humor-tee","title":"Can't Breathalyze Meth Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Can't Breathalyze Meth Tee from Unethical Threads is for the kind of person who makes a room go quiet before it goes loud. It's unhinged. It's technically correct. And it's on a shirt now because nobody in our lives tells us no.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe same people who send memes in the group chat that get zero replies and one screenshot. Look, if your humor has ever made someone physically leave a conversation, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's not for everybody. That's the whole point. This is the kind of shirt that sorts people into two camps on sight, and you already know which one you're in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay locked in. No cracking, no peeling.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with poor decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this going to offend people?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. If you're the type to worry about that, this probably isn't your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe people who wear Unethical Threads already know the assignment. Everyone else can read it, process their feelings, and move on. You're not here to make friends. You're here to make a point, and the point is hilarious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL. If you're between sizes, go with your usual.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing puts the ink directly into the fabric. The colors hold up, no cracking, no peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends on where you work and how attached you are to your employment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you know someone whose humor could clear a building, yes. If you're not sure they'd laugh, that's your answer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton, crew neck, built like an actual garment. Not a tissue-thin novelty tee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42024354119762,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42024354152530,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42024354185298,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42024354218066,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42024354250834,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42024354283602,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42024354316370,"sku":"NoMetoo-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Can_t_Breathalyze_Meth_Funny_Gen_Z_Humor_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481966"},{"product_id":"i-come-in-peace-t-shirt-funny-matching-couples-im-tee","title":"I Come In Peace Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Come In Peace tee from Unethical Threads is one half of the least subtle couples set on the internet. You wear this. Your person wears the I'm Peace tee. The joke lands before you even sit down.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes it come with the matching shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. The I Come In Peace tee and the I'm Peace tee are sold separately.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGrab both, hand one to your partner, and let the joke do its thing. It's the kind of matching outfit that says \"we're fun\" instead of \"we share a login to everything.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL (yes, 4XL, because everyone deserves to make bad jokes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the graphic won't crack, peel, or ghost after washing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs with the I'm Peace tee, sold separately, because we're not running a charity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good couples gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know the couple, absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBuy both tees, throw them in a gift bag, and become the most legendary gift-giver at any shower, anniversary, or random Tuesday. Just make sure the recipients can take a joke. Actually, make sure their parents can take a joke too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the I Come In Peace shirt come with the I'm Peace shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo, they're sold separately. Grab both for the full effect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe graphic is DTG printed directly into the fabric, so it won't crack, peel, or fade into a sad ghost of itself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this without the matching shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOf course. It's still a funny shirt on its own. The matching set just turns it up to eleven.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42025732079698,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42025732112466,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42025732145234,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42025732178002,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42025732210770,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42025732243538,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42025732276306,"sku":"ComePeace1-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42025732309074,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42025732341842,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42025732374610,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42025732407378,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42025732440146,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42025732472914,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42025732505682,"sku":"ComePeace1-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Come_In_Peace_I_m_Peace_Funny_Couples_White_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481969"},{"product_id":"horny-hungry-hopeless-new-york-yankees-logo-t-shirt-funny-new-york-yankees-meme-tee","title":"Horny Hungry Hopeless New York Yankees Logo Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Horny Hungry Hopeless New York Yankees Logo Tee from Unethical Threads is three moods, one logo, and zero coping mechanisms. The Yankees NY sits right inside \"Horny\" where, let's be honest, it was always meant to be.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYankees fans who've accepted that the team is a lifestyle and not a healthy one. Anyone who's described their entire personality as \"horny, hungry, and hopeless\" and meant all three at the same time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis isn't ironic. It's a confession on cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't feel like a napkin after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL (yes, 4XL, we see you)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because V-necks are for job interviews\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors don't bail after the first spin cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePreshrunk.\u003c\/strong\u003e Your commitment issues are your problem, not the shirt's.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for a Yankees fan?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. For the Yankees fan in your life who has no filter and fewer boundaries. The friend who texts \"horny, hungry, and hopeless\" at 2 AM like it's a weather report.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWrap it in tissue paper or don't. The shirt does the talking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the shirt actually have the Yankees logo on it?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe design uses a stylized NY that references the iconic Yankees look. It's a parody, not officially licensed MLB merch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Horny Hungry Hopeless tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's preshrunk heavyweight cotton. Follow the care instructions and it holds its shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an official Yankees product?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is an Unethical Threads original. Parody, not endorsed by MLB or the New York Yankees.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow should I wash it?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTurn it inside out, cold wash, tumble dry low. 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Wear it like you mean it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who don't need the meme explained to them. If you've ever typed \"protect them at all costs\" in a group chat, congratulations, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt hits different at pride, at brunch, at the grocery store when you just need the world to know where you stand. The kind of shirt that finds its people without trying. You'll lock eyes with a stranger across the bar and just nod. That's the whole interaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a gas station tissue\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because gatekeeping sizes is embarrassing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e for that \"I woke up like this\" energy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors don't quietly abandon you after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSoft enough to sleep in\u003c\/strong\u003e (we won't judge)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. If someone in your life has strong opinions about Pedro Pascal, trans rights, or both, you just found their next favorite shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the kind of gift that makes someone say \"you actually get me.\" Works for birthdays, pride, or just a random Tuesday when you want to be someone's favorite person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Protect The Dolls tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. DTG (direct to garment) printing keeps the colors locked in. No fading, no cracking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about Pedro Pascal?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you know, you know. It's about protecting who needs protecting. Pedro just happens to be the patron saint of that energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a crew neck. Comfortable enough for all day, sturdy enough that it won't fall apart on you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends on your workplace. If your HR department has a sense of humor, go for it. If not, save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42029904035922,"sku":"ProDolls-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42029904068690,"sku":"ProDolls-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42029904101458,"sku":"ProDolls-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42029904134226,"sku":"ProDolls-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42029904166994,"sku":"ProDolls-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42029904199762,"sku":"ProDolls-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42029904232530,"sku":"ProDolls-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Protect_The_Dolls_Pedro_Pascal_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762481982"},{"product_id":"choke-me-like-bundy-eat-me-like-dahmer-dark-humor-funny-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* Choke Me Like Bundy Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Choke Me Like Bundy tee from Unethical Threads is for the kind of person whose true crime obsession doubles as a personality trait. Heavyweight cotton, unhinged energy, and the sort of joke that makes half the room laugh and the other half quietly Google your name.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who binged every serial killer documentary before it was trendy. The ones whose group chat would describe this shirt as \"tasteful.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou'll get looks at the grocery store. Some of them might even be approving. Pair it with a straight face for maximum effect, or own it with the grin of someone who knows exactly what they're doing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a gas station souvenir\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because dark humor comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, classic cut\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the design stays vivid long after your friends stop inviting you to brunch\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because at least something in your life should be predictable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. That's the whole thesis.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis isn't a shirt for people who run their outfit choices through a focus group. It's for people who've already accepted that their sense of humor is a character flaw they're not working on. If your coworkers already know what you're about, this just makes it official.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually comfortable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's heavyweight cotton with a relaxed fit. Soft, not stiff. You'll forget you're wearing something offensive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Choke Me Like Bundy tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing locks the design in. Wash it normally and it holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically, yes. Socially, that depends on your tolerance for strangers reading your chest and making eye contact.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to Thanksgiving dinner?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can wear it anywhere. Whether you get invited back is a different question.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42042766721106,"sku":"ChoBundy-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42042766753874,"sku":"ChoBundy-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42042766786642,"sku":"ChoBundy-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42042766819410,"sku":"ChoBundy-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42042766852178,"sku":"ChoBundy-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42042766884946,"sku":"ChoBundy-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42042766917714,"sku":"ChoBundy-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Choke_Me_Like_Bundy_And_Eat_Me_Like_Dahmer_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482093"},{"product_id":"nothing-about-me-is-flat-earth-society-funny-boob-meme-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* Nothing About Me Is Flat Earth Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Nothing About Me Is Flat Earth tee from Unethical Threads takes two things the internet can't shut up about and smashes them together. Flat earthers get trolled. Curves get acknowledged. Everyone else just reads it twice and snorts.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think the earth is round but their chest isn't. The overlap between conspiracy meme lovers and people with a sense of humor about their own body is larger than you'd think, and this shirt lives right in the center of that Venn diagram. It's a hit with women who like to make a point (two of them, actually) and the partners brave enough to buy it for them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't bail after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough that you'll forget you're wearing something this inappropriate\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. Flat earthers will be mad you're mocking their movement, prudes will clutch pearls at the implication, and HR will have thoughts. But the people whose opinions you actually value (your real friends, your group chat, that one bartender) will think it's the funniest thing you own.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt about flat earth or boobs?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Nothing About Me Is Flat Earth tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, so the design holds up through every wash without cracking, peeling, or fading.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf the person you're buying for has a sense of humor and a chest, you're golden. If they have neither, maybe grab a gift card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42059247943762,"sku":"NothingFlat-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42059247976530,"sku":"NothingFlat-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42059248009298,"sku":"NothingFlat-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42059248042066,"sku":"NothingFlat-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42059248074834,"sku":"NothingFlat-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42059248107602,"sku":"NothingFlat-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42059248140370,"sku":"NothingFlat-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42059248173138,"sku":"NothingFlat-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42059248205906,"sku":"NothingFlat-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42059248238674,"sku":"NothingFlat-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42059248271442,"sku":"NothingFlat-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42059248304210,"sku":"NothingFlat-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42059248336978,"sku":"NothingFlat-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42059248369746,"sku":"NothingFlat-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Nothing_About_Me_Is_Flat_Earth_Society_Meme_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482106"},{"product_id":"sir-racha-sriracha-medieval-meme-graphic-joke-tee","title":"*NEW* Sir Racha Sriracha Medieval Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Sir Racha Sriracha Medieval Tee from Unethical Threads puts your favorite hot sauce in full plate armor. It's the dumbest, most historically inaccurate crossover nobody asked for, and you're going to wear the hell out of it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying a shirt about medieval hot sauce?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople with taste, and by taste we mean the kind that gets you weird looks at family dinner. You're in good company.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Sir Racha tee lands with the person at the cookout who won't shut up about heat levels and also knows way too much about the Crusades. Sriracha fans, history nerds, pun enthusiasts, general chaos agents. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a promotional giveaway\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL, because knights come in all builds\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, as the king intended\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay locked in, not peeling off after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs nicely with actual sriracha stains (not a guarantee, just an observation)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this work as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. If someone in your life puts sriracha on everything and thinks they're funny, this is the move.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's specific enough to feel personal and weird enough that nobody else is getting them the same thing. That's the sweet spot for a gift. They'll know you actually thought about it, even if \"thinking about it\" took you thirty seconds on this page.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Sir Racha tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, so the design holds up through regular washing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt affiliated with Sriracha the brand?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. Sir Racha is our own parody, a ridiculous medieval twist on the hot sauce aesthetic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a crew neck. 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No judgment here. Okay, a little judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (yes, the big boys eat too)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because V-necks are for job interviews\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors hold up even after your questionable laundry habits\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, which is more than we can say for your reputation after wearing this\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's either the best gift someone's ever gotten or the reason you get uninvited from the family group chat. There is no middle ground.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf the person on your list has ever shotgunned a beer at an inappropriate time, you're golden. Great for birthdays, bachelor parties, or any event where someone's going to end up on a table.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I'm Beersexual tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works whether you're built like a light beer or a stout.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton holds its shape. Cold wash, tumble dry low, and it'll outlast most of your friendships.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing soaks the ink into the fabric instead of sitting on top. It holds up through washes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends where you work. Brewery, absolutely. Church, maybe just casual Friday. HR department, probably not but honestly who cares.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a beer joke. 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