{"title":"Funny Valentine'S Shirts","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eExplore our funny valentine's shirts collection at Unethical Threads where inappropriate meets impeccable quality. These funny valentine's shirts are crafted for those who appreciate humor that pushes boundaries. Sizes S-4XL, free shipping on all orders.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-funny-valentines-shirts'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-funny-valentines-shirts\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Funny Valentine'S Shirts Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-t-shirts-for-valentines-day\"\u003eFunny T Shirts For Valentine'S Day\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-t-shirt-website\"\u003eFunny T Shirt Website\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Funny Valentine'S Shirts\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-valentines-shirts\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"get-this-man-behind-the-wheel-tee","title":"Get This Man Behind The Wheel Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Get This Man Behind The Wheel tee from Unethical Threads is for people whose friends should never be trusted with heavy machinery. It says what the group chat is already thinking. Wear it loud, wear it proud, wear it to the bar.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've been that guy, or people who know that guy. So basically everyone at the bar after midnight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt hits hardest when someone reads it out loud three rounds in. It's the uniform for friend groups that communicate exclusively through bad decisions and memes. If you've ever pointed at your buddy and said \"get this man behind the wheel\" while he could barely stand, congratulations, this is your merch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a disposable napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bad ideas come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck, classic cut\u003c\/strong\u003e, nothing weird going on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric so the colors stay locked in longer than your Uber rating\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, which is good because you're going to need that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone who's earned this shirt, you already know exactly who they are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the kind of gift that makes the whole room point at one person. Perfect for birthdays, bachelor parties, or just rewarding your most chaotic friend for being consistently terrible at every decision they've ever made. Pair it with a Lyft gift card if you want to be responsible about it (you won't).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Get This Man Behind The Wheel shirt soft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Heavyweight cotton but comfortable from the first wear. Not stiff, not scratchy, just solid.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs true to size for most people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMinimal shrinkage if you follow the care instructions. Cold wash, tumble dry low.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on your definition of appropriate. We'd wear it anywhere, but we're us.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow long does the print last?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not slapped on top. The colors stay put.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40150853058642,"sku":"Behind-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40150853091410,"sku":"Behind-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40150853124178,"sku":"Behind-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40150853156946,"sku":"Behind-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40150853189714,"sku":"Behind-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40150853222482,"sku":"Behind-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515168370770,"sku":"Behind-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40150853255250,"sku":"Behind-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40150853288018,"sku":"Behind-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40150853320786,"sku":"Behind-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40150853353554,"sku":"Behind-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40150853386322,"sku":"Behind-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40150853419090,"sku":"Behind-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515168403538,"sku":"Behind-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/144d7af79d610c9785c797e7551657bd.jpg?v=1762470224"},{"product_id":"war-profit-israel-palestine-shirt","title":"War Profit Israel Palestine Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe War Profit Israel Palestine shirt from Unethical Threads says what the defense contractors won't. War is good business, and business is booming. This tee puts the quiet part loud on heavyweight cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who read past the headlines.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who noticed the stock tickers going up while everything else went down. You don't need to pick a side to notice that somebody's cashing checks. If that observation makes people uncomfortable, good. That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels substantial, not some tissue-paper fast fashion afterthought\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because political commentary is not size-restricted\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, no weird collar situations\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric, so the colors stay sharp through every wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe kind of shirt you throw on when you want your outfit to do the talking\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this get a reaction?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. That's the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe War Profit Israel Palestine shirt isn't subtle, and it's not trying to be. Some people will nod. Some people will stare. Some people will want to argue with you at the bar. Whether that sounds like a good time is entirely your call.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt pro-Israel or pro-Palestine?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNeither. It's pro-noticing-who-profits. The design is commentary on war profiteering, not a flag for either side.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not some iron-on that peels after three washes. Turn it inside out and wash cold.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDefine appropriate. It's a shirt with a political opinion. You'll be fine at a bar, a protest, or a barbecue. Maybe skip the corporate retreat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow fast does it ship?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost orders are printed and shipped within 3-7 business days. Delivery time depends on your location after that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40609571831890,"sku":"War-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40609571864658,"sku":"War-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40609571897426,"sku":"War-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40609571930194,"sku":"War-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40609571962962,"sku":"War-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40609571995730,"sku":"War-Black-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40609572028498,"sku":"War-Black-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40609572061266,"sku":"War-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40609572094034,"sku":"War-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40609572126802,"sku":"War-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40609572159570,"sku":"War-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40609572192338,"sku":"War-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40609572225106,"sku":"War-White-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40609572257874,"sku":"War-White-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/ea4e04b82f901f952974db5e52f359d0_2.jpg?v=1762475473"},{"product_id":"my-vehicle-my-choice-v2-tee","title":"AAA My Vehicle My Choice V2 Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe My Vehicle My Choice V2 Tee from Unethical Threads slaps a beer bottle and car keys on your chest and lets everyone else fill in the blanks. It's dark, it's inappropriate, and you already know if it's for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think personal freedom extends to questionable decisions. Day drinkers, car meet regulars, the friend who always volunteers to drive and probably shouldn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever cracked a cold one in a parking lot and felt patriotic about it, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can handle whatever you spill on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (bad decisions come in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you're classy like that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay loud even after your 50th wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, so it still fits after you swear you'll stop drinking next month\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. It's a perfect gift for the friend who already has no filter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they laugh, you nailed it. If they don't, you need better friends. The My Vehicle My Choice V2 hits hardest when the person wearing it fully owns the joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt mean what I think it means?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. And if you have to ask, maybe sit this one out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the My Vehicle My Choice V2 Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Throw it in the wash and stop worrying.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not slapped on top. The colors hold up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a car meet?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat's basically what it was made for. You'll fit right in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40655848276050,"sku":"Vehicle2-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40655848308818,"sku":"Vehicle2-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40655848341586,"sku":"Vehicle2-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40655848374354,"sku":"Vehicle2-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40655848407122,"sku":"Vehicle2-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/d7599fc22184cee3a7288dba3353836c.jpg?v=1762475957"},{"product_id":"alpha-male-cat-t-shirt-funny-sarcastic-ironic-kitten-meme-humor-novelty-tee","title":"AAA Alpha Male Cat T Shirt Funny Sarcastic Ironic Kitten Meme Humor Novelty Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Alpha Male Cat tee from Unethical Threads takes the whole \"alpha male\" thing and hands it to a kitten. Because nothing screams dominance like a cat that knocks your water glass off the table at 3 AM. Sarcastic, funny, and the only alpha merch worth owning.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who thinks the alpha male concept peaked when a cat got involved.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever watched someone unironically call themselves an alpha and thought \"my cat has more authority than you,\" this shirt gets it. Cat lovers, meme addicts, people who like their humor dry and their t shirts loud. It works for all of them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like a real shirt, not a disposable napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL (yes, we thought of you)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because some things don't need reinventing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric, so the colors stay put. No cracking, no peeling, no iron-on nightmares\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe kind of shirt you grab first on laundry day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's one of the best gifts you can give someone who's hard to shop for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they love cats, memes, or making fun of alpha male culture (ideally all three), wrap this up and watch them lose it. This is the kind of gift that actually gets worn, not shoved in a drawer next to the novelty socks from 2019.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a unisex relaxed fit, so it runs true. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but most people are happy with their usual.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, so it holds up through the wash. Turn it inside out if you want to baby it, but it's not required.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually soft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton, so it has real substance, but it breaks in fast. After a wash or two it's your favorite shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your job. If your boss laughs at memes, go for it. If your workplace frowns on fun, save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40687191556178,"sku":"AlphaCat-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40687191588946,"sku":"AlphaCat-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40687191621714,"sku":"AlphaCat-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40687191654482,"sku":"AlphaCat-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40687191687250,"sku":"AlphaCat-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/AlphaCat.jpg?v=1762476118"},{"product_id":"love-me-some-road-soda-t-shirt","title":"AAA Love Me Some Road Soda T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Love Me Some Road Soda tee is for people who believe hydration is important, even at 70 mph. 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Nothing fancy, nothing that needs explaining.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors last longer than your designated driver's patience\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because surprises belong at parties, not in the dryer\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you have to ask, you already know the answer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the shirt you get your friend who always has a \"to-go cup\" on road trips. It's the kind of gift that gets an immediate laugh and then gets worn to every barbecue for the next three years. Just don't gift wrap it. Hand it over with a beer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does \"road soda\" mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eA road soda is a drink you bring for the ride. Usually alcoholic. 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It says what everyone's thinking after beer number four, except you're wearing it sober at noon. Requested by popular demand, limited stock.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who love Corona and hate small talk.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe kind of person who walks into a cookout and gets handed a beer before they get handed a plate. You already know if this is your shirt. 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Beer bottles, a terrible request, and the kind of dark humor that makes you the person your friends warn their new boyfriends about. We put it on a shirt because someone had to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think designated drivers are just suggestions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, if your humor has ever made someone at a party go quiet for a second, this is your shirt. 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Trust it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that doesn't go see-through after one wash (you're welcome)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you're not an animal\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay loud even when you shouldn't\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, so it still fits after laundry day... whenever that is\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt might be the best gift you can give someone who loves Busch Apple and has a sense of humor their HR department would flag.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthday, Christmas, \"sorry I said that at Thanksgiving,\" whatever the occasion. If you're second-guessing whether the person can handle it, they probably can't. 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Soft enough to sleep in, sturdy enough to survive a tailgate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40766783520850,"sku":"DApple-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40766783553618,"sku":"DApple-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40766783586386,"sku":"DApple-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40766783619154,"sku":"DApple-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40766783651922,"sku":"DApple-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40766783684690,"sku":"DApple-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40766783717458,"sku":"DApple-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40766783750226,"sku":"DApple-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40766783782994,"sku":"DApple-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40766783815762,"sku":"DApple-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40766783848530,"sku":"DApple-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40766783881298,"sku":"DApple-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40766783914066,"sku":"DApple-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40766783946834,"sku":"DApple-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/68aa5ae3650346f3f69929975e542ff8.jpg?v=1762476976"},{"product_id":"every-cigarette-brings-dale-earnhardt-tee","title":"Every Cigarette Brings Dale Earnhardt Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Every Cigarette Brings Dale Earnhardt Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. Dark, stupid, and the kind of shirt that makes half a tailgate laugh while the other half Googles \"is that real.\" You already know if this is for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think gallows humor and motorsports go together like restrictor plates and controversy. 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Check our return policy page for details.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40805067948114,"sku":"Dale-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40805067980882,"sku":"Dale-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40805068013650,"sku":"Dale-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40805068046418,"sku":"Dale-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40805068079186,"sku":"Dale-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40805068111954,"sku":"Dale-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40805068144722,"sku":"Dale-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/1c09917483017c607c29b40dc83d3ace.jpg?v=1762477057"},{"product_id":"aaa-become-unbearable-t-shirt","title":"AAA Become Unbearable T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Become Unbearable tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like: a bear on a skateboard, beer in hand, giving precisely zero thought to your comfort level. It's a pun, it's a lifestyle, and it's printed on heavyweight cotton that actually holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think puns are an underrated art form. People who've accepted that being likable is overrated and leaned all the way in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou probably already own three graphic tees that make your mom sigh. This is the next one. The Become Unbearable shirt is for the person who saw a bear on a skateboard holding a beer and thought, \"Yeah, that's me.\" No further explanation needed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like it costs more than it does\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (yes, we thought of you)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because V-necks are a choice and this isn't it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't crack, peel, or ghost after the fifth wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with cargo shorts you refuse to give up\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. If you know someone who collects dumb puns and wears them proudly, this is a layup.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt also works for white elephant exchanges where you want to win without trying too hard. 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The I Would Dropkick A Child For A\u0026amp;W Root Beer tee says what the rest of us are thinking but won't put on a shirt. You will.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who have strong opinions about root beer and weak boundaries. A\u0026amp;W fans, soda purists, and anyone whose personality is at least 40% carbonation. If you've ever argued that A\u0026amp;W is the best root beer (it is), this shirt was made for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can handle your root beer spills and your life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because dedication to root beer comes in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck (keeps it simple, the shirt does the talking)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for color that lasts longer than your last relationship\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk so it still fits after your fifth trip to the A\u0026amp;W drive-thru this week\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. If you know someone who loses their mind over A\u0026amp;W Root Beer, this is the gift they didn't know they needed. It's specific, it's ridiculous, and it tells them you actually pay attention to their personality. Way better than another gift card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S through 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. We use DTG (direct-to-garment) printing, so the colors hold up through countless washes. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to be extra careful.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this about actual violence?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's a joke. If you have to ask, this probably isn't your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDo you have other Dropkick shirts?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. The Dropkick series covers everything from fast food to energy drinks. Check the full collection on our site.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40938362208338,"sku":"AWBeer-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40938362241106,"sku":"AWBeer-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40938362273874,"sku":"AWBeer-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40938362306642,"sku":"AWBeer-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40938362339410,"sku":"AWBeer-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40938362372178,"sku":"AWBeer-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40938362404946,"sku":"AWBeer-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40938362437714,"sku":"AWBeer-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40938362470482,"sku":"AWBeer-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40938362503250,"sku":"AWBeer-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40938362536018,"sku":"AWBeer-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40938362568786,"sku":"AWBeer-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40938362601554,"sku":"AWBeer-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40938362634322,"sku":"AWBeer-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/196cbc24fac7b41ab45a7fd94daccd5e.jpg?v=1762477645"},{"product_id":"new-i-would-a-dropkick-a-child-for-a-mug-root-beer-tee","title":"*NEW* I Would A Dropkick A Child For A Mug Root Beer Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eUnethical Threads made a shirt for the person who would absolutely sacrifice a toddler's wellbeing for a cold Mug Root Beer. 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That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (because dropkicking is for every body type)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because we're unhinged but not animals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that holds color wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk so it still fits after your root beer bloat subsides\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Full stop.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has ever uttered the words \"I would do terrible things for a Mug Root Beer,\" you now have a moral obligation to buy this. 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Two internet legends, zero good decisions. You already know if this is for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who grew up on SpongeBob and grew into Twisted Tea. That's the whole demographic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis one came from customer requests, and honestly, the crossover makes more sense than it should. It's the kind of shirt that gets a knowing nod from the right people and total confusion from everyone else. Both reactions are the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a see-through promotional tee from 2009\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Fits like your favorite shirt already does.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic. Nothing weird going on up top.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors are embedded in the fabric, not sitting on top waiting to peel\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to forget you're wearing a meme. Until someone points it out.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you have to explain why this is funny, you're buying it for the wrong person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor everyone else, it's an elite gift. The friend who sends SpongeBob memes at 1am. The one with strong opinions about hard iced tea. White Elephant, birthdays, \"I saw this and thought of you\" moments. If you're buying it for yourself, most people do.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available from S to 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Wash inside out on cold if you want to be extra careful, but it holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an official Twisted Tea or SpongeBob product?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is a parody tee from Unethical Threads. Not affiliated with Twisted Tea or Nickelodeon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow long does shipping take?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost orders ship within 3 to 5 business days. You'll get a tracking number once it's on the way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":41132148097106,"sku":"DoodleT-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":41132148129874,"sku":"DoodleT-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":41132148162642,"sku":"DoodleT-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":41132148195410,"sku":"DoodleT-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":41132148228178,"sku":"DoodleT-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":41132148260946,"sku":"DoodleT-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":41132148293714,"sku":"DoodleT-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/0ed1df3f76ffc8d00a93b6ffd4f96b8c.jpg?v=1762479169"},{"product_id":"new-i-would-dropkick-a-child-for-a-modelo-tee","title":"*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For A Modelo Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Would Dropkick A Child For A Modelo tee from Unethical Threads is for the person in your friend group who says the quiet part loud. 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If you've seen someone wearing one in the wild, you probably became friends on the spot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a print on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because we're not animals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printed so the colors don't bail on you after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIf you're between sizes, go up. Trust us.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift if you know the person well enough to know they won't cry about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Dropkick A Child For A Modelo tee works for birthdays, white elephants, fantasy league punishments, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of someone specific. 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Either way, this shirt lets the world know exactly where you stand, and it's on the wrong side of reasonable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because commitment to Barq's knows no size limit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, nothing weird going on up top\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print so the colors stay locked in, not one of those iron-on nightmares\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, so it fits the same after laundry day as it did when you impulse-bought it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of the best. 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It works from the couch to the cookout to the brewery tour nobody asked for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can handle your life choices and your laundry habits\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL, so there's room for everyone\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, because this shirt already made enough choices for you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for colors that stay locked in, wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOne of those shirts that somehow ends up in the weekly rotation immediately\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this actually make a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt does.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life games, drinks, or exists in the overlap of that Venn diagram (most people), this is the move. 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You'll fit right in with the crowd that treats their dog better than they treat themselves.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck (because V-necks are a choice)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for colors that actually last\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, so it fits the same on Sunday morning as it did Saturday night\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. If someone in your life loves their dog and loves their beer in roughly equal amounts, hand them this shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt works for birthdays, holidays, or just a random Tuesday because you saw it and immediately thought of them. 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You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can survive your worst decisions (and your washer)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, because you're dedicated, not fancy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for color that holds up longer than your last relationship\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk so it still fits after Sunday brunch\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the gift that says \"I see you, I accept you, and I'm enabling you.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for birthdays, bachelor parties, or any occasion where someone needs to be publicly recognized for their dedication. Pair it with a six-pack and you've officially won gift-giving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the It's Not Addiction It's Dedication shirt look like?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTwo hands cheers-ing with the full phrase across the front. Clean graphic, reads well from across the bar.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this beer shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print hold up in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe DTG print holds its color wash after wash. 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The friend who shows up to the barbecue wearing something that requires an explanation they refuse to give.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever looked at your cat and thought \"you'd smoke if you could,\" this one's yours.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't disintegrate after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL (yes, 4XL, because we're not gatekeeping comfort)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because we're unhinged, not avant-garde\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay sharp even after your mom washes it on hot\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it fits the same way every single time\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's one of the best. The It Looks Cooler When You Do It tee works for birthdays, white elephants, or just randomly handing someone a bag and watching their face.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they like animals and questionable life choices, they'll love it. If they don't, you probably need funnier friends.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat animals are on the shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe design is a collage of different animals, including cats, dogs, and birds, all smoking cigarettes with absolutely zero remorse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available from S to 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in wash after wash. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and you're good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gag gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGreat gift for anyone who appreciates animals making terrible life choices. Works for birthdays, holidays, white elephants, or just because.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a classic crew neck and relaxed fit. 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Slap this on at the cookout and let the lie do the heavy lifting. Nobody's buying it, but that's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this hat?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's been cut off at least once and thought it was funny. This is the hat you put on when your track record speaks for itself and you've decided to lean into it instead of fight it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friends will laugh. The bartender might not. Either way, you showed up honest (technically).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front panels\u003c\/strong\u003e that hold their shape, unlike your evening\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e for airflow when things inevitably get heated\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e, one size fits most heads and most bad decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePrinted design that lasts\u003c\/strong\u003e, won't crack, peel, or fade no matter how many brunches you survive\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, because poor impulse control knows no gender\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this hat a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift. 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But at least everyone knows where you stand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42012180545618,"sku":"3543787_15909","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Am_Normal_And_Can_Be_Trusted_With_Alcohol_Funny_Drinking_Trucker_Hat_For_Men.jpg?v=1762481891"},{"product_id":"will-shake-ass-for-tequila-funny-drinking-crazy-hilarious-trucker-hat","title":"Will Shake Ass For Tequila Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Will Shake Ass For Tequila hat from Unethical Threads is a formal declaration of intent. Foam front, mesh back, snapback fit. Put it on and let everyone within earshot know exactly what kind of night this is going to be.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've already proven the statement true at least twice this year. This is the hat for your friend who disappears for 20 minutes and comes back having made best friends with the entire bachelorette party. If you've ever been described as \"a lot\" by someone's mom, congratulations, this is your crown.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStructured foam front panel\u003c\/strong\u003e keeps the message visible even when you can't stand straight\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eBreathable mesh back\u003c\/strong\u003e so your head doesn't overheat while the rest of you makes poor choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdjustable snapback closure\u003c\/strong\u003e because tequila doesn't discriminate by head size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVivid print\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds up through sweat, sun, and questionable life decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex fit\u003c\/strong\u003e because bad ideas are for everyone\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt might be the perfect gift. 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The guy at the tailgate who everyone gravitates toward because he stopped pretending to have it together years ago. 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That's kind of the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Good Bush Bad Bush design is one of those shirts where half the room laughs and the other half pretends they didn't. If you need plausible deniability, just say it's about beer. Technically, it is.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the Good Bush Bad Bush shirt mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a mashup of George W. Bush and Busch Apple beer. If you know, you know. If you don't, this probably isn't your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is baked into the fabric. 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If they've ever forwarded you a meme with zero context, this is their shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42040622383186,"sku":"BapBush-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42040622415954,"sku":"BapBush-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42040622448722,"sku":"BapBush-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42040622481490,"sku":"BapBush-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42040622514258,"sku":"BapBush-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42040622547026,"sku":"BapBush-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42040622579794,"sku":"BapBush-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/0a6da287df11e2e5bd7b2eb8b2f72be7.jpg?v=1762482071"},{"product_id":"new-call-me-the-third-little-piggy-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* Call Me The Third Little Piggy Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Call Me The Third Little Piggy tee from Unethical Threads is what happens when a nursery rhyme meets someone who should not be left unsupervised around nursery rhymes. You already know the punchline. If you don't, this shirt isn't for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually wearing this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in middle school humor and are genuinely proud of it. The kind of person who sends screenshot-worthy texts to the group chat at 2 AM.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt lands hardest at cookouts, bar crawls, and anywhere your mom isn't. Though some of you will absolutely wear it in front of your mom, and honestly, respect.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (yes, the big kids eat too)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck because we're unhinged, not unfashionable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the graphic stays vivid through countless washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to sleep in when you pass out on someone's couch\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a fantastic gift if you want to be the funniest person at the party and also possibly never invited back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for birthdays, white elephants, bachelor parties, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of someone specific. That instinct is correct. Trust it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Third Little Piggy shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSizes S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. The DTG print holds up. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it handles a normal cycle just fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. If your boss laughs at dirty jokes, go for it. If HR sends weekly emails about the dress code, save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the shirt comfortable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eVery. Heavyweight cotton but not stiff. Comfortable from the first wear with no break-in period.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42063142748242,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42063142781010,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42063142813778,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42063142846546,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42063142879314,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42063142912082,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42063142944850,"sku":"CallMePiggy-Black-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Call_Me_The_Third_Lil_Piggy_Cause_I_m_All_Bricked_Up_And_Ready_To_Get_Blown_Funny_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482118"},{"product_id":"new-call-me-goldilocks-three-bears-funny-inappropriate-t-shirt","title":"*NEW* Call Me Goldilocks Three Bears Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Call Me Goldilocks Three Bears Tee from Unethical Threads is a fairy tale retelling your parents definitely didn't read you at bedtime. \"Cause I'm About To Try All 3\" printed across your chest says everything it needs to. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in group chats. The ones whose friends screenshot their texts and send them around.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your humor runs hot enough that you've been asked to \"tone it down\" at a family dinner, this shirt was designed for you. It's the kind of joke that separates the fun table from the kids' table at every gathering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a translucent napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because some things don't need reinventing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the design stays vivid wash after wash, no cracking, no peeling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with poor decisions and good stories\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's an incredible gift if you want to find out how well someone really knows you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSend it to the friend who already gets it and you're a legend. Send it to the wrong person and you might get a concerned text from their mom. Either way, memorable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the Goldilocks shirt actually say?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe full text reads \"Call Me Goldilocks Cause I'm About To Try All 3.\" It's a spin on the fairy tale. You can figure out the rest.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The design is DTG printed directly into the fabric, so it holds up wash after wash without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. If your boss has a sense of humor, maybe. If you work in HR, absolutely not.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMinimal shrinkage with proper care. Cold wash, tumble dry low, and it'll keep its shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42063719923794,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42063719956562,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42063719989330,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42063720022098,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42063720054866,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42063720087634,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42063720120402,"sku":"GoliThree-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Call_Me_Goldilocks_Cause_I_m_About_To_Try_All_Three_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1762482119"},{"product_id":"im-beersexual-funny-beer-drinking-lgbtq-parody-shirt","title":"*NEW* I'm Beersexual Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'm Beersexual tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone who's ever been asked about their type and answered \"cold, domestic, and available.\" It's a drinking shirt, an identity crisis, and a cry for help all on one piece of heavyweight cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone from the guy who brings a cooler to every event to the person whose dating profile says \"IPA personality, Bud Light budget.\" If you've ever described a beer as \"crisp\" with the same reverence other people reserve for their firstborn, this was designed for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt also works if you just think beer reveals are better than gender reveals. No judgment here. Okay, a little judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (yes, the big boys eat too)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because V-necks are for job interviews\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors hold up even after your questionable laundry habits\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, which is more than we can say for your reputation after wearing this\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's either the best gift someone's ever gotten or the reason you get uninvited from the family group chat. There is no middle ground.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf the person on your list has ever shotgunned a beer at an inappropriate time, you're golden. Great for birthdays, bachelor parties, or any event where someone's going to end up on a table.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I'm Beersexual tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works whether you're built like a light beer or a stout.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton holds its shape. Cold wash, tumble dry low, and it'll outlast most of your friendships.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing soaks the ink into the fabric instead of sitting on top. 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