{"title":"Humorous Clever Funny T Shirt","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnethical Threads presents our humorous clever funny t shirt collection - where offensive meets fashionable. Each design delivers laughs and premium comfort. Shop humorous clever funny t shirt today - sizes S-4XL, 30-day satisfaction guarantee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Free Shipping On All Orders\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ 30-Day Guarantee\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Sizes S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-humorous-clever-funny-t-shirt'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Show Less ▲' : 'Read More ▼';\"\u003eRead More ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-humorous-clever-funny-t-shirt\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAbout Our Humorous Clever Funny T Shirt Collection\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePremium Quality \u0026amp; Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerfect Occasions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhy Choose Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRelated Collections:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eComplete Funny Shirts Collection\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/clever-funny-t-shirts\"\u003eClever Funny T Shirts\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-humorous-t-shirt\"\u003eFunny Humorous T Shirt\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Humorous Clever Funny T Shirt\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/humorous-clever-funny-t-shirt\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"penguin-fight-or-flight-tee","title":"AAA Penguin Fight or Flight Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Penguin Fight or Flight Tee from Unethical Threads is a nature documentary that took a hard left. This penguin made its choice, and flight was never on the table. Heavyweight cotton, DTG print, unisex fit S through 4XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who root for the penguin.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know who you are. If you've ever watched a nature doc and thought \"that prey animal needs to start carrying,\" this is your uniform. Also popular with people who think the \"flight\" response is for quitters.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like it could take a punch (because thematically, it should)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because a penguin in a V-neck would be weird\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay vivid long after your sense of decency fades\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. Surprises are for birthdays, not laundry day.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Penguin Fight or Flight Tee is the kind of present that says \"I know exactly who you are and I'm not sorry about it.\" Perfect for the friend who sends you unhinged animal memes at 2 AM. Also works for white elephant if you want to actually win for once.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S through 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric, not sitting on top. Your penguin stays crisp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a penguin with a knife. If that offends someone, they're going to have a rough time on the internet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Soft but substantial. The kind of shirt that feels like it actually exists when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40614305398866,"sku":"Penguin-White-S","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40614305431634,"sku":"Penguin-White-M","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40614305464402,"sku":"Penguin-White-L","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Xl","offer_id":40614305497170,"sku":"Penguin-White-XL","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40614305529938,"sku":"Penguin-White-2XL","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40614305562706,"sku":"Penguin-Black-S","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40614305595474,"sku":"Penguin-Black-M","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40614305628242,"sku":"Penguin-Black-L","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Xl","offer_id":40614305661010,"sku":"Penguin-Black-XL","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40614305693778,"sku":"Penguin-Black-2XL","price":28.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/d41fd6665f2b550fef705732112c8ee0.jpg?v=1762475485"},{"product_id":"back-and-body-hurts-tee","title":"AAA Back and Body Hurts Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Back and Body Hurts tee from Unethical Threads is a parody shirt for people who threw out their back doing absolutely nothing impressive. If your body sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies every morning, this one's yours.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone over 25 whose body has started filing formal complaints.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMillennials who identify more with ibuprofen than Instagram trends. Your coworker who won't stop talking about their chiropractor. If you've ever said \"I slept wrong\" as a full explanation for why you can't turn your head, the Back and Body Hurts tee was made for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're not a V-neck person and we both know it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors outlast your good posture\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, which matters because you're not hand-washing anything, let's be real\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of the best, actually.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has turned back pain into a personality trait, this is the shirt they didn't know they needed. Works for birthdays, holidays, or a random Tuesday when you want to remind someone you get them. It beats another heating pad.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat is the Back and Body Hurts shirt a parody of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a parody of Bath and Body Works. Same font energy, very different product.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on basically everybody.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Follow the care label and it'll hold its shape. We can't say the same about your spine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone with back pain?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift for anyone who groans when they stand up. Past 30, that's most people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40638303895634,"sku":"Back-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40638303928402,"sku":"Back-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40638303961170,"sku":"Back-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40638303993938,"sku":"Back-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40638304026706,"sku":"Back-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40638304059474,"sku":"Back-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40638304092242,"sku":"Back-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40638304125010,"sku":"Back-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40638304157778,"sku":"Back-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40638304190546,"sku":"Back-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/764bc134e6acd6ed8784d90553a60f8e.jpg?v=1762475816"},{"product_id":"youve-yeed-your-last-haw-tee","title":"AAA You've Yeed Your Last Haw Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe You've Yeed Your Last Haw tee from Unethical Threads is a raccoon in a cowboy hat delivering the only threat that matters. Western humor for people who've never been on a horse but have very strong opinions about saloon doors.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who quote Tombstone at parties. People who unironically say \"howdy.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your entire personality is one chaotic raccoon away from a wanted poster, congratulations, you found your uniform. It pairs well with boots, but honestly, Crocs work too. Nobody wearing this shirt is worried about looking put-together.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that could survive a dust storm (or your washing machine, same energy)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL, because cowboys come in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because a V-neck would be too civilized for this raccoon\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay put longer than your last relationship\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. It won't betray you after the first wash.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the gift you give when a gift card feels lazy but you still want to be funny about it. Works for birthdays, white elephants, or any occasion where you want someone to open a box and immediately say \"what the hell.\" If they don't laugh, you now know something important about them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available from S to 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but it runs true.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, meaning the ink is embedded directly into the fabric. It holds up through washes without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends entirely on your workplace. If your coworkers can handle a raccoon issuing cowboy threats, you're golden. If HR has feelings about graphic tees, maybe save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes do you carry?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, and 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit across the board.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40642666987602,"sku":"Haw-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40642667020370,"sku":"Haw-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40642667053138,"sku":"Haw-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40642667085906,"sku":"Haw-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40642667118674,"sku":"Haw-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/fd35010d6a11502c8be8c250877054c0.jpg?v=1762475860"},{"product_id":"drunkle-tee","title":"Drunkle Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Drunkle Tee from Unethical Threads is for every family's favorite liability. You know the one. He shows up 20 minutes late with a 12-pack, tells the story your mom specifically asked him not to tell, and somehow everyone still loves him. This shirt is his uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears the Drunkle Tee?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEvery family has one. Some families have three.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you're reading this and thinking \"that's not me,\" it's definitely you. This is the shirt for the uncle who peaked at beer pong and never looked back, the nephew already training for the role, or anyone whose family group chat has a warning system for holidays.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can handle whatever you spill on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL (because drunkles come in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you're not that fancy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors survive as many washes as your reputation survives family dinners\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to pass out on the couch in\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs the Drunkle Tee a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. This is the gift that says \"I see you, and I accept you.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWay better than another tie or a gift card he'll lose in his junk drawer. If your uncle has ever fallen asleep in a lawn chair before the food was ready, this is his shirt. He knows what he is. Let him wear it with pride.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the Drunkle Tee run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a relaxed unisex fit available from S to 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually good quality?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton, DTG printed. It's not a gas station impulse buy. The print holds up wash after wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend my family?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your family can't handle the word \"Drunkle,\" they definitely can't handle the actual drunkle. The shirt is the least of your problems.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to Thanksgiving?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can and you should. Pair it with cargo shorts and a cooler full of questionable beer choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good Father's Day gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if the dad in question is also an uncle. And if he is, this might be the most honest gift he's ever gotten.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40642669150290,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40642669183058,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40642669215826,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40642669248594,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40642669281362,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/e5e0c5037618d572dff76280c946d5a3.jpg?v=1762475862"},{"product_id":"goose-bump-tee","title":"AAA Goose Bump Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Goose Bump Tee from Unethical Threads puts two geese fist-bumping on your chest. That's the joke. It's a visual pun, it's beautifully dumb, and it has no business being this good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think puns are a legitimate art form and aren't afraid to prove it. The type who sends memes before 7 AM and makes the whole group chat groan. Your coworker who has strong opinions about waterfowl. You, probably, since you're still reading this.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a free conference handout\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Room for literally everyone.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic. Timeless. Not up for debate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay locked in. No fading, no cracking, no excuses.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYes, the fist bump is anatomically questionable. No, we will not be taking feedback.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf the person you're buying for has ever texted you a pun unprompted, this is the move. If they haven't, buy it for yourself and find funnier friends.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's on the Goose Bump Tee?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTwo geese giving each other a fist bump. It's a literal, visual take on \"goose bumps,\" and it hits harder than it has any right to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does it come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's DTG printed, so the colors hold up through every wash. No cracking, no peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually funny or just weird?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBoth. 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This shirt is just the uniform they've been waiting for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like something, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL (silly geese come in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because this goose keeps it classic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't crack, peel, or fade out on you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, so it fits the same on day one and day one hundred\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life radiates chaotic energy and you need a birthday present by Thursday, this is the move. It's the kind of gift that makes someone say \"you get me\" without either of you having to be sincere about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a relaxed unisex fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but most people go with their usual.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG (direct-to-garment) printing bonds the ink into the fabric. The design holds up through regular washing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eWhat's the fabric like?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton. It has real weight to it, not flimsy or see-through. 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Both reactions are entertaining.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a screen print on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (yes, big dogs welcome)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck because we're unhinged, not experimental\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the graphic stays crisp no matter how many times you wash it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. We already took that L so you don't have to.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you have to ask, probably not for that person. But for the right friend? This is a top-tier \"I saw this and thought of you\" purchase.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know the friend. The one who screenshots things that would get most people fired. The one whose search history could be used as evidence. Buy it. 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The DTG print holds up, but treat it right and it'll last even longer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. 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If you understand why a jug of chocolate milk belongs in a gym bag, this shirt is yours. If you don't, keep scrolling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've watched a 21-year-old drink a half gallon of chocolate milk and thought \"yeah, that tracks.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGym bros, permabulkers, and anyone who's replaced their pre-workout with dairy. This is the shirt you wear when your meal prep is a gas station run and you somehow still have better lifts than everyone else in the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't disintegrate after three washes like your discount gym stringer\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bulk season has no ceiling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic cut, nothing weird going on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e for color that actually lasts (unlike your cut phase)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, obviously, we're not monsters\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for someone who lifts?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they know the reference, absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the kind of shirt that gets a knowing nod at the squat rack. 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Thick enough to hide whatever your bulk season did to you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40653199474770,"sku":"Sulek-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40653199507538,"sku":"Sulek-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40653199540306,"sku":"Sulek-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40653199573074,"sku":"Sulek-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40653199605842,"sku":"Sulek-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/255f226ef07df1f8e732fe3aa852b437.jpg?v=1762475947"},{"product_id":"dont-trust-kia-soul-drivers-tee","title":"I Don't Trust Kia Soul Drivers Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Don't Trust Kia Soul Drivers tee is an Unethical Threads original for anyone who's had that very specific gut feeling in traffic. You know the one. This isn't a car debate, it's a public service announcement printed on heavyweight cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople with eyes and a highway commute.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever watched a Kia Soul drift between three lanes at 47 mph with no signal, you don't need this shirt explained to you. You lived it. You earned it. This is the tee for people who've been quietly keeping score in parking lots and finally want the world to know where they stand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a screen print on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because trust issues come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, nothing weird going on structurally\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the message stays crisp and legible for the long haul\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e. We're not monsters.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eCan I give this as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the gift for the friend who rants about Kia Souls every single time you're in the car together.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey exist. You know one. Honestly, you might be one. The I Don't Trust Kia Soul Drivers tee tells that person you were actually listening all those times, and that you agree. It also works for Secret Santa if you want to be the person who won the gift exchange.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt meant to be taken seriously?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a t-shirt, not a thesis. Take it exactly as seriously as you take Kia Soul drivers, which is to say, not very.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I Don't Trust Kia Soul Drivers tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eSmall through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it works on basically everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDTG printing holds color through the long haul. The distrust is permanent.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this only for car enthusiasts?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNot even a little. You don't need to know what a camshaft is. 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This shirt just makes it official.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because trash pandas come in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay vivid through every questionable life choice you wash out of it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because we respect your commitment to doing the bare minimum with laundry\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has ever unironically called a raccoon their spirit animal, this is the gift. It's also perfect for the friend who always suggests the worst idea at the bar and then does it anyway. They'll love it. 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You just haven't paid for it yet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't go see-through after three washes (looking at you, cheap tees)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Your body, your patriotic confusion.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Nothing weird going on up top.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay put, not printed on top like a bumper sticker from 2004.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to sleep in, sturdy enough to start an international incident at a Canadian gas station.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of the easiest gifts you'll ever buy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they've ever said \"why can't the rest of the world just use miles\" without a hint of irony, wrap it up. 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That's kind of the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40688140189778,"sku":"Kilo-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40688140222546,"sku":"Kilo-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40688140255314,"sku":"Kilo-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40688140288082,"sku":"Kilo-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40688140320850,"sku":"Kilo-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Kilo.jpg?v=1762476129"},{"product_id":"rat-is-short-for-ratthew-t-shirt","title":"AAA Rat Is Short For Ratthew T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Rat Is Short For Ratthew tee from Unethical Threads is for people who think the funniest thing about rats is that their full name is Ratthew. 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This shirt just makes it official.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't feel like a napkin someone ironed flat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (Ratthew is inclusive)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because v-necks are for people who take themselves seriously\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors don't bail after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it still fits after the dryer does its worst\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift for anyone who has ever sent you a rat meme at 2 AM.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a terrible gift for your boss. Know your audience, read the room, and then ignore the room entirely because the Rat Is Short For Ratthew shirt is objectively funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but it fits like a normal t-shirt that doesn't hate your body.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric. It holds up through washes without peeling, cracking, or looking sad.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. If your office has a fun shirt Friday, Ratthew is your guy. 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The Non Bidenary tee is for the person in the room who says what everyone else is thinking, except they put it on a shirt and walked outside.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because bad opinions come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck, classic cut\u003c\/strong\u003e so it looks normal until people read it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e for color that survives the wash cycle and the discourse cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with cargo shorts and poor impulse control\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you already know someone who'd wear it, yes. 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We'd say go for it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40688211165266,"sku":"Bidenary-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40688211198034,"sku":"Bidenary-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40688211230802,"sku":"Bidenary-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40688211263570,"sku":"Bidenary-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40688211296338,"sku":"Bidenary-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Bidenary.jpg?v=1762476146"},{"product_id":"pink-freud-the-dark-side-of-your-mom-t-shirt","title":"Pink Freud The Dark Side Of Your Mom Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Pink Freud The Dark Side Of Your Mom tee is what happens when psychoanalysis meets classic rock meets a your mom joke. Three layers of funny, one shirt. Only from Unethical Threads, because nobody else would make this.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho is this shirt actually for?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who has ever said \"that's what she said\" at a dinner party and meant it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you studied psychology, play air guitar, or just really love a good your mom joke, this is your shirt. Bonus points if you've done all three at the same time. It sits right at the intersection of \"I read books\" and \"I never matured past seventh grade,\" which, honestly, is a great place to be.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because Freud wouldn't gatekeep\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck (Sigmund was a crew neck guy, trust us)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay vivid through your existential crisis and laundry cycles\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable, which is more than we can say for your search history\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the gift for the friend who sends memes in the group chat that nobody responds to but everyone screenshots. Psychology majors, Pink Floyd fans, people who peaked in humor around age 14 and never looked back. If you know someone like that, you probably are someone like that. Get two.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a relaxed unisex fit. If you're between sizes, size up for the cozy Freudian couch vibe, size down if you want it fitted.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. It's DTG printed (direct to garment), so the colors hold up through repeated washing. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt going to offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. That's kind of the point. It's a your mom joke wrapped in a classic rock reference filtered through psychoanalysis. Someone will be offended, and that someone is not fun at parties.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the design actually look like?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a riff on the iconic Dark Side of the Moon prism artwork, but Freud-ified. The product photos show exactly what you're getting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDo you ship internationally?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes, we ship worldwide. Freud was Austrian, so it feels right.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40688216539218,"sku":"BPink-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40688216571986,"sku":"BPink-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40688216604754,"sku":"BPink-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40688216637522,"sku":"BPink-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40688216670290,"sku":"BPink-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/BPink.jpg?v=1762476148"},{"product_id":"lil-diabeetus-t-shirt","title":"AAA Lil Diabeetus T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Lil Diabeetus T Shirt from Unethical Threads takes your favorite childhood snack cake mascot and gives her a blood sugar problem. Part nostalgia, part health scare, all funny. If you grew up on Oatmeal Creme Pies and questionable life choices, this one's yours.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think Wilford Brimley saying \"diabeetus\" is one of the greatest moments in television history. That's it. That's the demographic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou probably ate an entire box of Swiss Rolls in one sitting at some point and don't regret it. You send memes in group chats that make people go quiet for a second before they laugh. You're not trying to be edgy, you just think snack cake parodies are inherently hilarious. You're correct.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like it costs more than your co-pay\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (yes, even after all those Oatmeal Creme Pies)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because some things should stay classic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors outlast your pancreas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, unlike your arteries\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift for anyone who laughs at stuff they probably shouldn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend with the dark sense of humor? They'll wear this to Thanksgiving. Your coworker who keeps snack cakes in their desk drawer? They need this. Just maybe don't give it to your endocrinologist. Or do. We don't know your relationship with your doctor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt actually have anything to do with Lil Debbie?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a parody. We love Lil Debbie. This is an homage wrapped in a blood sugar joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Lil Diabeetus shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAlmost certainly. That's kind of the whole point of shopping here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack and peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric. It won't crack, peel, or fade on you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a doctor's appointment?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can. Should you? That depends on how much you enjoy making nurses uncomfortable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40688218996818,"sku":"FDia-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40688219029586,"sku":"FDia-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40688219062354,"sku":"FDia-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40688219095122,"sku":"FDia-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40688219127890,"sku":"FDia-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40688219160658,"sku":"FDia-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40688219193426,"sku":"FDia-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40688219226194,"sku":"FDia-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40688219258962,"sku":"FDia-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40688219291730,"sku":"FDia-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/FDia.jpg?v=1762476149"},{"product_id":"ok-stupid-ass-t-shirt","title":"AAA Ok Stupid Ass T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Ok Stupid Ass tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like: a donkey, being called out. 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It works at barbecues, it works in group chats, and it definitely works on that one coworker who keeps replying-all to emails that have nothing to do with them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a shirt, not a tissue paper handout from a 5K you didn't finish\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL, so literally nobody has an excuse\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're not that fancy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds its color wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e, so your poor planning doesn't become our problem\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's one of the best gifts you can give someone you love enough to insult.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthdays, white elephants, Secret Santa where you drew the person you can't stand. 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If your humor runs dry, dark, and slightly unhinged, congratulations, you found your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually has substance, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because we have some standards\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the dictator bread stays crisp wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDoes not grant diplomatic immunity (we checked)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eCan I Give This as a Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the gift that separates the legends from the people who buy candles. If someone in your life has a sense of humor that makes your mom nervous, hand them this shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthday, White Elephant, random Thursday because you felt like it. All valid. Just know your audience. We're not fielding calls from your in-laws.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Vladamir Gluten shirt good quality?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Thick, soft, and doesn't turn see-through after three washes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric, so the design holds up wash after wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt going to offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on your relationship with gluten, world leaders, and bread. Probably yes. 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Either you get it or you scroll past.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper stuff\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, so everyone's covered\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck because we're not reinventing the wheel here\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors hold up even after your washing machine does its worst\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYes, the frog is armed. No, we will not be taking questions.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's one of the best \"I know exactly what kind of person you are\" gifts you can give.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life would see this design and immediately want it on their body, you already know what to do. 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It's also the shirt that broadcasts \"I'm fun\" without you having to say a single word.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can handle a tailgate and the morning after\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in S through 4XL, so everybody eats\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because V-necks peaked in 2011\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e for color that lasts longer than your New Year's resolutions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e so it still fits after you ignore every care instruction\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this actually work as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. This is a top-tier gift for anyone who has ever said \"bro, hand me a Twisted Tea\" with genuine enthusiasm.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthdays, White Elephant, \"I saw this and thought of you\" energy. It works for all of those. It's specific enough to feel personal and funny enough that they'll actually wear it instead of burying it in the back of a drawer. If they love Twisted Tea and dumb history jokes, you basically can't miss.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S through 4XL. If you're between sizes, size up for a looser feel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. DTG printing locks the ink into the fabric so the design stays sharp. 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A D.A.R.E parody for people who survived the program and came out with opinions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who sat through every D.A.R.E presentation and still turned out exactly how they wanted.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever said \"I turned out fine\" while doing something your mother wouldn't approve of, this shirt was designed with you in mind. It's the kind of tee that gets a knowing nod from the right people and total silence from the wrong ones. Both reactions are correct.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like it costs more than your habits\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because bad decisions come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, no weird collar situations\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e (direct-to-garment) for color that doesn't fade, even if your memory does\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e so it fits the same on Sunday morning as it did Friday night\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift for anyone who gets the joke without needing it explained.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend who peaked at D.A.R.E graduation. Your cousin who has \"theories\" about gateway substances. The coworker who always makes the HR rep nervous at happy hour. You know exactly who this is for, and you probably already know their size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt actually say \"I'm Addicted To Drugs\" on it?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. The design parodies the classic D.A.R.E logo with \"D.A.R.N\" and the full phrase. It's satire, not a confession.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the D.A.R.N shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex S through 4XL in a relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt get me in trouble?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on where you wear it. Office holiday party? Maybe read the room. Weekend barbecue? You'll be fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow should I wash this?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTurn it inside out, cold wash, tumble dry low. The DTG print holds up, just don't iron directly over the design.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40758001434706,"sku":"DARNA-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40758001467474,"sku":"DARNA-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40758001500242,"sku":"DARNA-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40758001533010,"sku":"DARNA-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40758001565778,"sku":"DARNA-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/DARNA.jpg?v=1762476799"},{"product_id":"are-you-a-smart-fella-or-fart-smella-t-shirt","title":"AAA Are You A Smart Fella Or Fart Smella T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Are You A Smart Fella Or Fart Smella t-shirt from Unethical Threads is the spoonerism that separates the intellectuals from the... well, you know. A panda asks the question you've been too scared to ask yourself. Heavyweight cotton, printed to last, sizes S through 4XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever said \"smart fella\" out loud and watched someone's brain do the swap in real time, this shirt is for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's for the person who peaked in wordplay sometime around middle school and never looked back. You wear this to the cookout and suddenly everyone's trying to say it fast without messing up. It's a whole thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a neck hole\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (no one's getting left out)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because we're not animals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay put wash after wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYes, there's a panda on it. No, we won't explain why. It works.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, it might be the best gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a personality test disguised as a t-shirt. You hand this to someone and within three seconds you know exactly what kind of person they are based on which phrase they read first. Birthdays, White Elephant, \"just because I saw this and thought of you.\" All valid.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Smart Fella or Fart Smella shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt runs S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print good quality or will it crack and peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printing. The design is printed directly into the fabric, not slapped on top. It holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy is there a panda on the shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBecause a panda asking if you're a smart fella or a fart smella is funnier than just text. Trust the process.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWash cold, tumble dry low, and you're good. Heavyweight cotton holds its shape better than the thin stuff.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends on your job. If your boss has a sense of humor, absolutely. 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It's a hit with poker night regulars, fantasy league degenerates, and anyone whose relationship with risk could generously be called \"complicated.\" You know exactly who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that survives a night out (and the morning-after regret)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bad decisions come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay sharp long after your luck runs out\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds its shape better than your bankroll\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for a gambler?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift. Cheaper than a casino marker and infinitely more useful.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGive it to the friend who always wants to \"put a little something on the game.\" The coworker running the office pool. The family member whose hot streak stories always end with \"but then...\" They'll love it. Their spouse might not.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePre-shrunk, so no. Unlike your bankroll, this one holds its shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Keep Gambling shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit that works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, meaning the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Holds up wash after wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I actually wear this to a casino?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can and you should. Just don't blame us for what happens after that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40758015656018,"sku":"KGamble-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40758015688786,"sku":"KGamble-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40758015721554,"sku":"KGamble-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40758015787090,"sku":"KGamble-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40758015819858,"sku":"KGamble-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/KGamble.jpg?v=1762476806"},{"product_id":"my-vehicle-my-choice-t-shirt","title":"AAA My Vehicle My Choice T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe My Vehicle My Choice tee from Unethical Threads slaps personal freedom rhetoric onto beer bottles and calls it fashion. Zero subtlety, maximum commitment. This is the shirt for people who think bumper stickers don't go far enough.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've made peace with being the worst person at the party.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend group has a designated chaos agent. If you're reading this, it's probably you. 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It's here to make your coworker do a double take in the break room and then pretend they didn't see it. If you need plausible deniability, this one isn't it. If you need a shirt that tells on you before you even open your mouth, welcome home.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the My Vehicle My Choice shirt meant to be offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's meant to be funny. If it's also offensive, that's a bonus.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on basically everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG printing holds up over time. Follow the care label and the colors stay put.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your workplace. Work from home, absolutely. Work in HR, probably not.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if you know the person well enough that they won't stop talking to you. Great for your best friend. Risky for your mother-in-law.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760149311570,"sku":"MYMYT-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760149344338,"sku":"MYMYT-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760149377106,"sku":"MYMYT-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760149409874,"sku":"MYMYT-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760149442642,"sku":"MYMYT-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/MYMYT.jpg?v=1762476820"},{"product_id":"bring-me-my-keys-t-shirt","title":"AAA Bring Me My Keys T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Bring Me My Keys tee from Unethical Threads puts your worst impulse on heavyweight cotton. Beer bottles, a demand instead of a request, and the kind of confidence only four drinks deep can give you. It's not a cry for help. It's a whole lifestyle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've been cut off at least once. The friend everyone loves but nobody trusts with a set of car keys.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever texted \"I'm fine to drive\" and immediately walked into a screen door, this is your uniform. Wear it to the pregame. Wear it to brunch. 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The one who always says \"one more round\" three rounds after they should've stopped. The one who pats their pockets for keys that are already in the Uber driver's nightmares. Wrap it up, hand it over, watch them laugh and then completely miss the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about drunk driving?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's about a person who wants their keys. What they do after that is between them and their insurance company.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Bring Me My Keys tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit so it works on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing soaks the ink into the fabric instead of sitting on top. The colors last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a bar?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can and you should. It practically lives there.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you know someone whose relationship with car keys is, let's say, complicated, yes. 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Beer bottles, a terrible request, and the kind of dark humor that makes you the person your friends warn their new boyfriends about. We put it on a shirt because someone had to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think designated drivers are just suggestions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, if your humor has ever made someone at a party go quiet for a second, this is your shirt. It's the kind of tee that pairs well with a cooler full of bad decisions and zero intent to learn from them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can survive a night you won't remember\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (yes, we got the big boys covered)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because V-necks are for people who make better choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds its color wash after wash, unlike your reputation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePreshrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e so it fits the same whether you're sober or... not\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually about drunk driving?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe're not your mom.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe shirt says Get Me My Keys next to some beers, and you can interpret that however you want. 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It's the kind of gift that tells someone you know them, maybe too well. 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Mostly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that survives a night out and the morning after\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (room for bar snacks)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you're classy like that\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay vivid long after your memory of last night fades\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because your decisions shrink enough on their own\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eCan I give this as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf the person laughs, absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they lecture you about it, you just learned something important about that friendship. This lands hardest with the friend who always volunteers to drive and immediately orders a pitcher. Perfect for birthdays, white elephants, or just because you want to watch someone open a package and say \"oh no\" while grinning.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt promote drunk driving?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It promotes having a sense of humor about bad ideas. If you need a t-shirt to tell you not to drink and drive, you have bigger problems than your wardrobe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Hand Me My Keys shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Runs true to size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow should I wash this?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eInside out, cold wash, tumble dry low. 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It filters out the boring people fast.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a sad napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because dark humor comes in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic cut, nothing weird going on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the graphic stays crisp and doesn't crack after three washes like some gas station iron-on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable. We're not animals.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this going to offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. 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You hear the name, you think the food, you wear the joke. Heavyweight cotton, DTG printed, sizes S to 4XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who can't hear a celebrity name without immediately turning it into a food pun. If your group chat is 40% memes and 60% unhinged word associations, you're the target demo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt doesn't try hard. It just landed perfectly and everyone in the room knows it. It's the kind of thing where someone glances at your chest, pauses, and then either laughs or silently respects you. 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Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it keeps its shape and color.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for a Lana Del Rey fan?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they have a sense of humor, absolutely. 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You know the type. You might be the type.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who don't need to explain themselves. The person at the party who says the least and gets quoted the most.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou either have Big Deck Energy or you're working on it. Either way, the shirt helps. Heavyweight cotton, because flimsy fabric can't contain this much energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels substantial, not some tissue-paper fast fashion situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Big Deck Energy comes in all sizes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic. No notes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the design stays crisp and vivid through countless washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSoft enough to sleep in\u003c\/strong\u003e but you won't, because you have places to be\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift. Get it for the friend who already radiates that energy and just needs the shirt to match.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlso great for the friend who could use a confidence boost. Sometimes you gotta manifest the deck energy before you actually have it. No shame in that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does Big Deck Energy mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know, you know. And if you don't, wearing the shirt is a great way to find out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMinimal shrinkage. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and your fit stays locked in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Big Deck Energy shirt offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly to people with small deck energy. Everyone else gets it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so there's room for everyone and their deck.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760512577618,"sku":"EDeck-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760512610386,"sku":"EDeck-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760512643154,"sku":"EDeck-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760512675922,"sku":"EDeck-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760512708690,"sku":"EDeck-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/EDeck.jpg?v=1762476851"},{"product_id":"hard-dickens-cider-t-shirt","title":"AAA Hard Dickens Cider T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Hard Dickens Cider t-shirt from Unethical Threads is the kind of shirt that does your dirty work for you. A time-tested phonetic masterpiece on heavyweight cotton for anyone who peaked in humor at exactly the right time. You already know if this is your shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who treat \"inappropriate\" as a lifestyle, not just a label.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Hard Dickens Cider tee shows up at tailgates, dive bars, bachelor parties, and any family gathering where your reputation is already a lost cause. You'll get a knowing nod from the right people and a horrified pause from everyone else. Both reactions are the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that holds up like an actual garment, not a gas station freebie\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because poor judgment spans all body types\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because we're inappropriate, not monsters\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printing that keeps color locked in, not just through the first few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk fabric, so it still fits after the dryer incident\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt might be the best gift you ever give.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorks for birthdays, white elephants, bachelor parties, or those \"I saw this and immediately thought of you\" moments that define real friendship. If they get it, you're a legend. If they don't, well. 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If the person you're buying for gets it, you win gift-giving permanently.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40760611799122,"sku":"CHDick-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40760611831890,"sku":"CHDick-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40760611864658,"sku":"CHDick-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40760611897426,"sku":"CHDick-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40760611930194,"sku":"CHDick-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/CHDick.jpg?v=1762476860"},{"product_id":"the-horror-persists-but-so-do-i-t-shirt","title":"AAA The Horror Persists But So Do I T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Horror Persists But So Do I is an Unethical Threads tee for anyone who's still here out of pure spite. 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Redirect all complaints to the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that's thicker than your denial about what dairy does to you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL, because bloating is unpredictable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic, comfortable, no surprises (unlike that latte you ordered with real milk)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors outlast your ability to digest a milkshake\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, which is good, because you'll be wearing this a lot\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this actually make a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. If you know someone who orders oat milk at coffee shops but then eats an entire block of cheddar at 2 AM, this is their shirt. It costs less than a gastroenterologist visit and gets the point across faster.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt also works for the person who just thinks the phrase is funny. Not everything has to be autobiographical.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt only for people who are lactose intolerant?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's for anyone who thinks the phrase is funny, which is most people. Lactose intolerance is optional but enhances the experience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable. 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Nothing weird going on up top.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the design holds up even after your in-laws see it and lose their minds\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. Fits the same after 50 washes as it did the first time you wore it to Thanksgiving.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this start an argument?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, maybe. That's kind of the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Mean Tweets \u0026amp; Cheap Gas tee lands differently depending on the room. At your buddy's place? High fives. At a dinner party in Brooklyn? Someone's writing a think piece. Either way, you already know which side of the pump you're on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Mean Tweets \u0026amp; Cheap Gas tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it stays looking fresh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about Trump?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's about cheap gas and mean tweets. You can connect whatever dots you want.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends on your workplace. If you work from home, absolutely. If you work in HR, maybe keep a jacket handy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40762186498130,"sku":"CGas-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40762186530898,"sku":"CGas-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40762186563666,"sku":"CGas-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40762186596434,"sku":"CGas-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40762186629202,"sku":"CGas-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40762186661970,"sku":"CGas-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40762186694738,"sku":"CGas-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40762186727506,"sku":"CGas-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40762186760274,"sku":"CGas-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40762186793042,"sku":"CGas-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/CGas.jpg?v=1762476924"},{"product_id":"dont-care-bear-t-shirt","title":"AAA Dont Care Bear T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Don't Care Bear shirt from Unethical Threads is what happens when childhood nostalgia meets adult apathy. A Care Bears parody for people whose belly symbol would just be a middle finger.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who answer \"how are you?\" with \"present.\" If you've ever looked a motivational poster in the eye and felt nothing, you already know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorks anywhere you want people to understand your emotional bandwidth without having to explain it. House parties, grocery runs, family gatherings where you've already run out of small talk.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because apathy has no size limit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because it's a t-shirt, not a personality test\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay locked in and the bear keeps not caring\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, because the only thing shrinking should be your patience\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift. If you know someone whose emotional support system is sarcasm, this is the move.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt says \"I see you, I accept you, and I also think you're kind of terrible.\" Way more honest than a candle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. The bear's enthusiasm was the first thing to go, not the fabric.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Don't Care Bear shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Not caring is universal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing means the colors hold up. The bear's indifference is permanent.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your workplace and your HR department's sense of humor. We believe in you, but we also believe in plausible deniability.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this an official Care Bears product?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is a parody tee. The actual Care Bears would never endorse this level of emotional unavailability.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40762191446098,"sku":"DCB-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40762191478866,"sku":"DCB-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40762191511634,"sku":"DCB-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40762191544402,"sku":"DCB-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40762191577170,"sku":"DCB-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/DCB.jpg?v=1762476927"},{"product_id":"casino-is-my-happy-place-t-shirt","title":"AAA Casino Is My Happy Place T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Casino Is My Happy Place tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone who finds more peace at a blackjack table than a yoga retreat. If your idea of self-care involves comp drinks and penny slots, just put it on your chest already.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears a Casino Is My Happy Place shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've made peace with the fact that their happiest memories involve fluorescent lighting and free buffets. Weekend warriors, birthday trip regulars, and anyone who's ever described a Tuesday afternoon at the slots as \"me time.\" If you've ever felt genuine calm watching a roulette wheel spin, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can survive a weekend in Vegas (or at least the buffet line)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL, because gambling doesn't discriminate\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, nothing fancy, just like your betting strategy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that holds color wash after wash, unlike your poker face\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk so it still fits after the all-you-can-eat crab legs\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for a gambler?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift. Better than a scratch-off and way better than an intervention. If someone in your life lights up when they hear slot machine sounds, hand them this Casino Is My Happy Place tee and watch them tear up a little. Birthday, Christmas, bachelor party, random Tuesday because you lost a bet (fitting, really). Works every time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Casino Is My Happy Place shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for everyone from penny slot players to high rollers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Wash it, dry it, repeat. It'll hold up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow is the design printed?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printing. The colors stay put through wash after wash, no cracking or fading.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to an actual casino?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou'd better. That's the whole point. Pair it with your lucky socks and go.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40762197737554,"sku":"CasP-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40762197770322,"sku":"CasP-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40762197803090,"sku":"CasP-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40762197835858,"sku":"CasP-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40762197868626,"sku":"CasP-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/CasP.jpg?v=1762476930"},{"product_id":"my-apolocheese-t-shirt","title":"AAA My Apolocheese T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe My Apolocheese tee from Unethical Threads pairs a certain animated rat with a block of cheese on your chest. It's the shirt you wear when you're not actually sorry and you want everyone to know it. A food pun with just the right amount of unearned confidence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this just a dad joke on a shirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically, yes. But it's a dad joke that committed to the bit, got a graphic designer involved, and showed up on heavyweight cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost dad jokes die in the group chat. This one made it to your closet. That's called ambition, and honestly, you should reward it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because cheese is for everybody\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay locked in every wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with wine, crackers, and poor life decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this actually work as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's practically designed for it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life loves puns, cheese, animated rats, or all three, this is the easiest win you'll find. Way better than a gift card, and they can't return it without feeling guilty. That's strategic gifting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does \"My Apolocheese\" mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's a pun on \"my apologies\" but with cheese. If you needed that explained, this shirt might not be for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric. No cracking, no fading, just a rat and some cheese looking crisp every time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt comfortable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a relaxed fit. It's the kind of shirt you forget you're wearing until someone compliments it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWho is the rat on the shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou know exactly who it is. Let's just say he's a culinary enthusiast with a complicated relationship to kitchens and hygiene standards.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40762224738386,"sku":"Apoc-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40762224771154,"sku":"Apoc-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40762224803922,"sku":"Apoc-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40762224836690,"sku":"Apoc-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40762224869458,"sku":"Apoc-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Apoc.jpg?v=1762476943"},{"product_id":"aaa-im-a-huge-metal-fan-t-shirt","title":"AAA I'm A Huge Metal Fan T Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'm A Huge Metal Fan shirt from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. A literal fan. Made of metal. If you were expecting Slayer, that's on you. This is a visual pun on heavyweight cotton, and it's one of the best-selling joke tees we make.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMetalheads who can laugh at themselves. People who own way too many black t-shirts and need one that's actually funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour uncle who thinks he's hilarious (he might be right this time). It plays both sides perfectly: music nerds get the wink, everyone else just sees a ridiculous appliance on a shirt and keeps walking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that doesn't feel like a paper-thin afterthought\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because good jokes come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, no surprises\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the fan stays crisp and doesn't crack after 50 washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. Nobody wants a surprise crop top.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for a metalhead?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Immediately yes. If they have any sense of humor at all, this lands.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt works for birthdays, holidays, or just because you saw it and thought of them. The joke is clean enough for family gatherings but clever enough that they'll actually wear it. Also a solid move for Secret Santa when you don't want to spend 30 minutes overthinking it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt have anything to do with metal music?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSort of. The joke is the double meaning. You're getting a literal metal fan, not a Metallica reference. But metalheads love it anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the I'm A Huge Metal Fan shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is absorbed into the fabric. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it holds up fine either way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends where you work. If your office has a sense of humor, go for it. If HR already has a file on you, maybe save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40925873995858,"sku":"HUGEFan-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40925874028626,"sku":"HUGEFan-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40925874061394,"sku":"HUGEFan-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40925874094162,"sku":"HUGEFan-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40925874126930,"sku":"HUGEFan-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/HUGEFan_a6ccecb3-3af4-4804-a6f1-135a477677ee.jpg?v=1762477554"},{"product_id":"new-i-got-no-soul-kia-soul-halloween-tee","title":"*NEW* I Got No Soul Kia Soul Halloween Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe \u003cstrong\u003e*NEW* I Got No Soul Kia Soul Halloween Tee\u003c\/strong\u003e from Unethical Threads is for anyone who's made peace with the void behind the wheel. A Kia Soul. A missing soul. The overlap was always inevitable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKia Soul drivers with a sense of humor. Halloween people who refuse to wear a full costume. Car meet regulars who'd rather be funny than fast.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, it hits for anyone who's ever gestured at their car and said \"this is me now.\" You don't need to own a Kia Soul to feel the emptiness. But it helps.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a thin afterthought\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't ghost you after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with existential dread, October, and questionable life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this work as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. If someone in your life drives a Kia Soul, this is the only gift that matters.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt also works for the friend who says \"I have no soul\" at least once a week. You know the one. Give them the shirt, let them own it. Birthdays, Halloween, random Tuesdays when you just want to be a legend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex relaxed fit, available S through 4XL. If you're between sizes, go up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good Halloween costume?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's better than a Halloween costume. It's a Halloween personality. Throw it on with jeans and you're done, no face paint required.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG (direct to garment) printing keeps the colors locked in. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it stays looking sharp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this only for Kia Soul owners?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNot even close. Anyone who's ever felt a little dead inside on the drive to work will get it. 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Either way, they're the fun one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a collar\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because V-necks are for job interviews\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay put through your questionable life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to sleep in (we won't ask where)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift if you want to find out where your friendship actually stands.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSend it to your drinking buddy, your fantasy league's last-place finisher, or that one friend who has genuinely earned the title. If they laugh, you've got a friend for life. If they don't, you probably needed to know that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eUnisex relaxed fit that runs pretty standard. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink into the cotton fibers, not on top of them. Colors stay locked in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat material is the shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Feels substantial, not like a cheap giveaway tee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a family event?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can wear it anywhere you're comfortable reading it out loud. That's the test.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":41286306562130,"sku":"AlcBeing-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":41286306594898,"sku":"AlcBeing-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":41286306627666,"sku":"AlcBeing-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":41286306660434,"sku":"AlcBeing-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":41286306693202,"sku":"AlcBeing-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":41286306725970,"sku":"AlcBeing-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":41286306758738,"sku":"AlcBeing-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":41286306791506,"sku":"AlcBeing-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":41286306824274,"sku":"AlcBeing-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":41286306857042,"sku":"AlcBeing-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":41286306889810,"sku":"AlcBeing-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":41286306922578,"sku":"AlcBeing-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":41286306955346,"sku":"AlcBeing-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":41286306988114,"sku":"AlcBeing-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/14e895d9ad8966f5d9b022c18a4b2ffe_51ce15c3-4400-4f7a-b22b-1f2bd72b4b15.jpg?v=1762480553"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/collections\/Humorous_Clever_Funny_T_Shirt.jpg?v=1761608083","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/collections\/humorous-clever-funny-t-shirt.oembed?page=2","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}