{"title":"Maglietta Uomo Divertente","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.collection-intro {margin: 0 0 15px 0;}\n.collection-intro p {margin: 0 0 15px 0; line-height: 1.6;}\n.trust-signals {background: #e8f5e9; padding: 12px; border-radius: 6px; text-align: center; font-size: 13px; margin: 10px 0 15px 0;}\n.desc-collapsed {max-height: 0; overflow: hidden; transition: max-height 0.3s ease;}\n.desc-expanded {max-height: 5000px;}\n.read-more-btn {background: #3498db; color: white; border: none; padding: 10px 20px; border-radius: 5px; cursor: pointer; font-size: 14px; margin: 10px 0 20px 0; font-weight: 600;}\n.read-more-btn:hover {background: #2980b9;}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"collection-intro\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEsplora la nostra collezione maglietta uomo divertente su Unethical Threads dove l'inappropriato incontra la qualità impeccabile. Questi maglietta uomo divertente sono realizzati per coloro che apprezzano l'umorismo che spinge i confini. Taglie S-4XL, spedizione gratuita su tutti gli ordini\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"trust-signals\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e✓ Spedizione Gratuita Su Tutti Gli Ordini\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Garanzia 30 Giorni\u003c\/strong\u003e | \u003cstrong\u003e✓ Taglie S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cbutton class=\"read-more-btn\" onclick=\"var desc = document.getElementById('collection-desc-maglietta-uomo-divertente'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-collapsed'); desc.classList.toggle('desc-expanded'); this.textContent = desc.classList.contains('desc-expanded') ? 'Mostra Meno ▲' : 'Leggi di Più ▼';\"\u003eLeggi di Più ▼\u003c\/button\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv id=\"collection-desc-maglietta-uomo-divertente\" class=\"desc-collapsed\"\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eInformazioni Sulla Nostra Collezione Maglietta Uomo Divertente\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eChe tu stia cercando i migliori maglietta uomo divertente online o cercando maglietta uomo divertente che facciano davvero ridere le persone, hai trovato il posto giusto. Unethical Threads è specializzato nella creazione di maglietta uomo divertente che combinano umorismo inappropriato con materiali di qualità premium.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eQualità Premium e Caratteristiche\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🎨 \u003cstrong\u003eDesign Originali\u003c\/strong\u003e - maglietta uomo divertente esclusivi che non troverai da nessun'altra parte.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e👕 \u003cstrong\u003eTessuto Premium\u003c\/strong\u003e - Cotone ring-spun morbido, traspirante e durevole.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e📏 \u003cstrong\u003eVestibilità Perfetta\u003c\/strong\u003e - Disponibile nelle taglie S-4XL con cuciture rinforzate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🎯 \u003cstrong\u003eGrafiche Audaci\u003c\/strong\u003e - Stampa di alta qualità che non si crepa, sbiadisce o si stacca.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eOccasioni Perfette\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eQuesti maglietta uomo divertente eccellono in riunioni informali dove vuoi fare colpo. Perfetti per BBQ, feste, venerdì casual, avventure del fine settimana o ogni volta che vuoi mostrare il tuo unico senso dell'umorismo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003ePerché Scegliere Unethical Threads\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbbiamo passato anni a creare maglietta uomo divertente che offrono costantemente. Migliaia di clienti soddisfatti apprezzano la nostra qualità e il nostro umorismo. Spedizione veloce, servizio clienti reattivo e garanzia di soddisfazione di 30 giorni.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eDomande Frequenti\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eQuali taglie?\u003c\/strong\u003e S-4XL, taglie fedeli con vestibilità comoda.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTempo di spedizione?\u003c\/strong\u003e Spedizione entro 1-2 giorni lavorativi, arrivo in 3-7 giorni.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSbiadirà?\u003c\/strong\u003e No! La stampa DTG di alta qualità mantiene colori vivaci.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eResi?\u003c\/strong\u003e Garanzia di soddisfazione di 30 giorni.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCollezioni Correlate:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/funny-shirts\"\u003eCollezione Completa Magliette Divertenti\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/maglietta-uomo-divertenti\"\u003eMaglietta Uomo Divertenti\u003c\/a\u003e | \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/maglietta-divertente-donna\"\u003eMaglietta Divertente Donna\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003cscript type=\"application\/ld+json\"\u003e\n{\n  \"@context\": \"https:\/\/schema.org\",\n  \"@type\": \"CollectionPage\",\n  \"name\": \"Maglietta Uomo Divertente\",\n  \"url\": \"https:\/\/UnethicalThreads.com\/collections\/maglietta-uomo-divertente\"\n}\n\u003c\/script\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"brent-pederson-2024-presidential-tee","title":"Brent Peterson 2024 Presidential Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Brent Peterson 2024 Presidential Tee from Unethical Threads is your official campaign merch for a candidate who doesn't exist. Well, he might exist. But he's definitely not running for president, and that's exactly why you're wearing this.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho is Brent Peterson and why is he running for president?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHe's not. That's the joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBrent Peterson has the same number of policy positions as he has campaign offices: zero. This shirt is for the people who looked at every actual candidate and thought, \"you know what, I'd rather vote for a guy I just made up.\" It's political satire for anyone who's given up on sincerity and fully embraced the bit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that holds up better than most campaign promises\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (democracy is for everybody)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're endorsing a fake candidate, not attending a black-tie fundraiser\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors last longer than the average political career\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, which is more than we can say for most candidates' egos\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for someone who hates politics?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift for someone who hates politics. Nothing says \"I see you\" like handing someone a shirt for a presidential candidate that doesn't exist.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt also works for the friend who won't shut up about politics, the coworker who puts bumper stickers on their laptop, or honestly just yourself. No judgment here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs Brent Peterson a real person?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMaybe. But he's not a real presidential candidate. That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex fit, so it works for everyone regardless of political affiliation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. Unlike certain politicians, it won't change shape after you commit to it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for Election Day?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically nothing about it is illegal. Wearing it to an actual polling place is your call and possibly your best decision of the cycle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40301623115858,"sku":"Brent-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40301623181394,"sku":"Brent-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40301623246930,"sku":"Brent-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40301623312466,"sku":"Brent-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40301623378002,"sku":"Brent-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515152216146,"sku":"Brent-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515152314450,"sku":"Brent-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40301623148626,"sku":"Brent-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40301623214162,"sku":"Brent-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40301623279698,"sku":"Brent-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40301623345234,"sku":"Brent-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40301623410770,"sku":"Brent-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515152248914,"sku":"Brent-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515152347218,"sku":"Brent-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/products\/24fafbcb1dc9e39dfa6524fef711b899.png?v=1762471422"},{"product_id":"oceangate-tee","title":"Oceangate Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Oceangate Tee from Unethical Threads is for everyone who watched a CEO skip safety inspections and pilot a submarine with a game controller. Your sympathy goes to the victims. This shirt goes after the company.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWait, is this making fun of the people who died?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. All the heat is aimed at OceanGate the corporation, not the passengers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey skipped independent safety reviews. They used off-the-shelf parts for a vessel diving to 12,500 feet. They charged $250,000 per seat and told concerned engineers to relax. The people on board trusted them, and that trust was catastrophically misplaced. This shirt holds the company responsible, not the people they failed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that handles more pressure than a Titan viewport\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck (the kind with actual structural integrity)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors don't implode after a few washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable, because unlike some vessels, this thing comes back every time\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eCan I give this as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes, and you should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone who doom-scrolled the OceanGate coverage for a solid week, this is their shirt. It's the kind of gift that says \"I know exactly who you are and I'm not judging.\" Great for birthdays, holidays, or any time you want to remind a friend that you both process tragedy through humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt making fun of the victims?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The joke targets OceanGate the company and their approach to safety, not the people who lost their lives.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Oceangate Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not slapped on top. The colors stay put.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the material thick or thin?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThick. Heavyweight cotton, not some see-through fast fashion situation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill people get offended if I wear this?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSome might. But anyone who actually followed the OceanGate story will get it immediately. The shirt punches up at corporate negligence, not down at tragedy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Royal Blue \/ Small","offer_id":40466213077074,"sku":"Oceangate-Blue-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal Blue \/ Medium","offer_id":40466213109842,"sku":"Oceangate-Blue-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal Blue \/ Large","offer_id":40466213142610,"sku":"Oceangate-Blue-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal Blue \/ XL","offer_id":40466213175378,"sku":"Oceangate-Blue-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":40466213208146,"sku":"Oceangate-Blue-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515188654162,"sku":"Oceangate-Blue-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Royal Blue \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515188686930,"sku":"Oceangate-Blue-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40466213240914,"sku":"Oceangate-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40466213273682,"sku":"Oceangate-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40466213306450,"sku":"Oceangate-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40466213339218,"sku":"Oceangate-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40466213371986,"sku":"Oceangate-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515188719698,"sku":"Oceangate-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515188752466,"sku":"Oceangate-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40466213404754,"sku":"Oceangate-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40466213437522,"sku":"Oceangate-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40466213470290,"sku":"Oceangate-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40466213503058,"sku":"Oceangate-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40466213535826,"sku":"Oceangate-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40515188785234,"sku":"Oceangate-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40515188818002,"sku":"Oceangate-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/7bc448dba8146f7a0e44bb49f288bc02.jpg?v=1762473671"},{"product_id":"gaslighting-isnt-real-youre-just-crazy-tee","title":"Gaslighting Isn't Real You're Just Crazy Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Gaslighting Isn't Real You're Just Crazy tee is Unethical Threads doing what we do best: putting the thing everyone's thinking on a shirt. If you've ever been told you're \"crazy\" by someone who definitely did the thing they said they didn't do, this one's yours.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've survived a relationship where \"I never said that\" was a daily mantra. Also people who are the problem. We don't judge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis tee hits different whether you're the gaslight-ee reclaiming the narrative or the gaslight-er who thinks self-awareness counts as personal growth. Either way, you're wearing it to brunch and nobody's going to ask you to explain yourself. They already know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like real clothing, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printed, so the colors stay sharp through every wash and every argument you deny starting\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRuns true to size, so no need to gaslight yourself about the size chart\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift for someone who needs to be called out, or someone who already knows they're guilty.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSend it to your ex. Send it to your best friend who rewrites history every weekend. Send it to yourself, because honestly, we've all done it at least once. Nothing says \"I see you\" like a shirt that literally says you're crazy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if the truth offends you. It's a joke about gaslighting, and if someone can't laugh at it, that says more about them than the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Gaslighting Isn't Real tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. 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Wear it to brunch, wear it to therapy, wear it to both on the same day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like it cost money\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL (gaslighting is inclusive)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck pullover\u003c\/strong\u003e, because V-necks are for people who play by the rules\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors stay vivid even after your 30th \"I never said that\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable.\u003c\/strong\u003e Your conscience isn't, but the hoodie is.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of the best, honestly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGive it to the friend who could convince you the sky is green. Give it to your partner who \"doesn't remember\" agreeing to clean the kitchen. It's the kind of gift that says \"I see exactly what you're doing\" in the most affectionate way possible. If they get offended, just tell them that never happened.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the G is for Gaslight Hoodie run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a relaxed unisex fit. Go with your usual size for a comfortable fit, or size up one if you want that oversized look.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat is the hoodie printed on?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a DTG (direct-to-garment) print. The colors stay vivid and the fabric doesn't feel cheap. Crew neck pullover, available in S through 4XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this hoodie offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. Unethical Threads isn't for everyone, and we're completely fine with that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow do I wash it?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low. Turn it inside out if you want to baby the print, but DTG holds up well either way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they gaslight as a hobby, yes. If they don't get the joke, you might want to rethink the friendship.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40560604807250,"sku":"GaslightH-White-S","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40560604840018,"sku":"GaslightH-White-M","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40560604872786,"sku":"GaslightH-White-L","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40560604905554,"sku":"GaslightH-White-2XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40560604938322,"sku":"GaslightH-White-3XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40560604971090,"sku":"GaslightH-White-4XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/397edad1c691c766e267aff6aa29fe5a.jpg?v=1762475014"},{"product_id":"anal-bead-tug-of-war-champion-hoodie","title":"Anal Bead Tug Of War Champion Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Anal Bead Tug Of War Champion hoodie from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. You either earned the title or you're manifesting it. Either way, it's printed on heavyweight cotton that's as committed as you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in ways that don't go on a resume.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend group has one. Might be you, might be someone you're buying this for. Either way, someone's opening this at a party, and the group chat will never be the same.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that won't tap out after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL (champions come in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you're not a monster\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print for color that outlasts your dignity\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable, unlike your reputation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift if you actually know the person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the hoodie you give someone when a gift card feels too impersonal and you want genuine shock on their face. Baby showers, white elephant, Secret Santa. The worse the occasion, the better it lands.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this hoodie shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. The only thing shrinking is your coworker's will to make eye contact.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does it come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Every champion deserves a proper fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink into the fabric fibers. This design will outlast most of your friendships.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gag gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gag gift. Nothing says \"I know exactly who you are\" like handing someone this hoodie at a party.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow do I wash it?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low. Turn it inside out if you want to baby the print, but DTG can handle it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40560661954642,"sku":"AnalH-White-S","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40560661987410,"sku":"AnalH-White-M","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40560662020178,"sku":"AnalH-White-L","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40560662052946,"sku":"AnalH-White-XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40560662085714,"sku":"AnalH-White-2XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40560662118482,"sku":"AnalH-White-3XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40560662151250,"sku":"AnalH-White-4XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/dc0db75beafd9fc46f1286a5ceea2fc7.jpg?v=1762475017"},{"product_id":"armed-and-hammered-1969-hoodie","title":"Armed and Hammered 1969 Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Armed and Hammered 1969 Hoodie from Unethical Threads is for the person who treats the gym and the bar with equal dedication. Half fitness, half bad decisions, all printed on a hoodie thick enough to hide the shame. If you were born in '69, this one was literally made for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who can bench their body weight and then immediately undo all that progress at happy hour.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Armed and Hammered crowd isn't choosing between leg day and a cold one. They're doing both, probably poorly, and looking great while they do it. This hoodie is basically a personality test you wear on your chest.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like quality, not a gas station impulse buy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because gains come in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you're not that fancy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print that keeps color through countless washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYes, you can wear it to the gym. No, your trainer won't approve.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone born in 1969 who thinks bicep curls and beer are equally important food groups, this is the gift. It's specific enough to feel personal and funny enough that they'll actually wear it instead of burying it in a drawer. For everyone else, it's still a solid hoodie with a joke that lands every time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does Armed and Hammered 1969 mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a gym and drinking mashup with 1969 as the birth year. If you have to ask, this probably isn't your hoodie.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this hoodie come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable whether you're built like a tank or still working on it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's DTG printed, meaning the ink bonds directly into the fabric. Cold wash, tumble dry low, and the print holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hoodie actually warm?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton. This is a real hoodie, not some paper-thin fashion piece you'd freeze in at a tailgate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone born in 1969?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they have a sense of humor and functioning arms, yes. It's specific enough to feel personal and funny enough that they'll actually wear it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40560697278546,"sku":"ArmedH-Black-S","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40560697409618,"sku":"ArmedH-Black-M","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40560697475154,"sku":"ArmedH-Black-L","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40560697507922,"sku":"ArmedH-Black-XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40560697540690,"sku":"ArmedH-Black-2XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40560697606226,"sku":"ArmedH-Black-3XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40560697638994,"sku":"ArmedH-Black-4XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40560697671762,"sku":"ArmedH-White-S","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40560697704530,"sku":"ArmedH-White-M","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40560697737298,"sku":"ArmedH-White-L","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40560697770066,"sku":"ArmedH-White-XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40560697802834,"sku":"ArmedH-White-2XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40560697835602,"sku":"ArmedH-White-3XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40560697868370,"sku":"ArmedH-White-4XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/5aba8be55ea52cda655345ab2c4a942a.jpg?v=1762475021"},{"product_id":"proud-hater-tee","title":"Proud Hater Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Proud Hater Hoodie from Unethical Threads is for people who stopped pretending they like everything a long time ago. Heavyweight, DTG printed, and comfortable enough to hate in all day. Some people are lovers. You're not one of them, and this hoodie makes that perfectly clear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople with taste. Specifically, people who've realized that not everything deserves enthusiasm and have made peace with it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou've sat through enough bad movies, small talk, and group projects to know that hating is a skill. And you're good at it. This hoodie just makes it official.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like something, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL, because hating comes in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck cut, nothing weird going on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay sharp through your spite-fueled laundry cycles\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because life has enough unpleasant surprises\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs the Proud Hater Hoodie a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift for the friend who's always first to say what everyone else is thinking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know the one. They don't sugarcoat, they don't pretend to like your ex's new partner, and they've never once said \"good vibes only.\" Hand it over and watch them finally feel seen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the Proud Hater Hoodie run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S through 4XL. If you're between sizes, size up. No weird sizing games here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this hoodie shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Wash it however you want. It can take it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this hoodie actually warm?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton with a lined hood. It'll keep you warm while you silently judge people from across the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill wearing this offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. If someone can't handle the word \"hater\" on a hoodie, they were never going to be your friend anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40560708354130,"sku":"ProudH-Black-S","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40560708517970,"sku":"ProudH-Black-M","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40560708550738,"sku":"ProudH-Black-L","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40560708583506,"sku":"ProudH-Black-XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40560708616274,"sku":"ProudH-Black-2XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40560708649042,"sku":"ProudH-Black-3XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40560708681810,"sku":"ProudH-Black-4XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40560708714578,"sku":"ProudH-White-S","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40560708747346,"sku":"ProudH-White-M","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40560708780114,"sku":"ProudH-White-L","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40560708812882,"sku":"ProudH-White-XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40560708845650,"sku":"ProudH-White-2XL","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40560708878418,"sku":"ProudH-White-3XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40560708911186,"sku":"ProudH-White-4XL","price":46.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/8f118317d7cca47145811c5b2272c4d7.jpg?v=1762475023"},{"product_id":"everything-i-love-to-do-is-illegal-tee","title":"Everything I Love To Do Is Illegal Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Everything I Love To Do Is Illegal tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone whose hobbies require a lawyer. It's the quiet confession printed on heavyweight cotton, DTG printed, and available in S through 4XL because bad decisions come in every size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've said \"it's not illegal if you don't get caught\" at least once this week.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend who always gets the side-eye at family dinners. The one at the party who's either the most fun or the most dangerous, depending on your personal risk tolerance. If you've ever had to clarify \"I was joking\" to a cop, this tee was made for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Not the see-through stuff. Actual fabric.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit in S through 4XL, because crime doesn't discriminate by body type.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck. Low maintenance, like you claim to be.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) printed, so the graphic stays sharp wash after wash.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes, an excellent one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the gift you get when a gift card feels lazy but you want the person to know you truly get them. Works for birthdays, white elephants, or any occasion where you want to win gift-giving. Fair warning: the recipient's mom might have opinions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a relaxed unisex fit. If you're between sizes, go with your usual. Size chart is on the page.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not slapped on top. Colors hold up through the wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. Office job with HR? Probably not. Your buddy's tattoo shop? You'll fit right in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this through airport security?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically yes. Whether TSA finds it funny is a different question entirely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40569463177298,"sku":"Illegal-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40569463210066,"sku":"Illegal-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40569463242834,"sku":"Illegal-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40569463275602,"sku":"Illegal-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40569463308370,"sku":"Illegal-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40569463341138,"sku":"Illegal-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40569463373906,"sku":"Illegal-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Front.png?v=1762475091"},{"product_id":"run-from-the-irs-tee","title":"Run From The IRS Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Run From The IRS Marathon tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone whose preferred form of exercise is avoiding federal agents. Heavyweight cotton, sharp DTG print, and the kind of energy that says you filed an extension and you're not sorry about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think April 15th is a horror movie. Your libertarian uncle, your crypto buddy who \"forgot\" about capital gains, and honestly, anyone who's ever Googled \"is bartering taxable.\" If you've ever described the IRS as \"basically a subscription I didn't sign up for,\" this shirt was made for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like quality, not like a disposable campaign tee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (tax evasion doesn't discriminate by body type)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e classic cut\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay put longer than your tax refund\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, because the only thing shrinking should be the government\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for someone who hates taxes?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat's literally everyone, so yes. Works for birthdays, holidays, or as a passive-aggressive care package during tax season. Pair it with a bottle of something strong and a blank 1040 form for the full experience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt going to get me audited?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo, but it might get you a knowing nod from your accountant. The IRS has bigger fish to fry than your t-shirt collection.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Run From The IRS tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex fit, so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. This shirt will outlast your patience with the tax code.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually about tax evasion?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a joke on a t-shirt, not a financial strategy. Please file your taxes. Or don't. We're not your parents.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40569485361234,"sku":"RunIRS-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40569485394002,"sku":"RunIRS-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40569485426770,"sku":"RunIRS-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40569485459538,"sku":"RunIRS-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40569485492306,"sku":"RunIRS-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40569485525074,"sku":"RunIRS-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40569485557842,"sku":"RunIRS-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40569485590610,"sku":"RunIRS-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40569485623378,"sku":"RunIRS-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40569485656146,"sku":"RunIRS-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40569485688914,"sku":"RunIRS-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40569485721682,"sku":"RunIRS-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40569485754450,"sku":"RunIRS-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40569485787218,"sku":"RunIRS-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/63166f0b53b3af5c1108f63637cbb57f.jpg?v=1762475092"},{"product_id":"team-win-k-ll-myself-tee","title":"Team Win K*ll Myself Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Team Win K*ll Myself Tee from Unethical Threads says what every diehard fan is already thinking during a losing streak. \"If My Team Doesn't Win I'll Kill Myself\" printed on heavyweight cotton, because emotional stability and sports fandom have never coexisted.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've put their entire emotional wellbeing in the hands of a franchise that hasn't won anything meaningful since before they were born.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFantasy league degenerates. The friend in the group chat who posts 47 messages during a single quarter. The one who has to leave the room during a replay challenge. You already know if this is you, and you're not even a little bit sorry about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can absorb tears, beer, and the crushing weight of another 4th quarter collapse\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (despair comes in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're unhinged, not a monster\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e for color that holds up longer than your team's playoff hopes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it still fits after stress eating through overtime\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually about suicide?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's about being so emotionally destroyed by a sports team that you say things you absolutely do not mean to a room full of people in matching jerseys. The humor is the absurdity of caring that much about grown adults chasing a ball. Everyone who's ever watched their team blow a 20-point lead understands this shirt on a spiritual level.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat said, this is purely satirical. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to the \u003cstrong\u003e988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline\u003c\/strong\u003e by calling or texting 988.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt promoting suicide?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is satire about being an unreasonably passionate sports fan. The joke is the exaggeration. If you or someone you know needs help, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Team Win K*ll Myself Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG printing keeps the colors locked in. Turn it inside out and cold wash if you want to baby it, but it handles regular laundry just fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a game?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat's literally the point. Wear it to the stadium, the sports bar, or your couch where you watch alone because your friends can't handle your energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for a sports fan?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they take their team's losses as a personal attack on their character, yes. Perfect gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40569492537426,"sku":"Team-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40569492570194,"sku":"Team-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40569492602962,"sku":"Team-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40569492635730,"sku":"Team-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40569492668498,"sku":"Team-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40569492701266,"sku":"Team-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40569492734034,"sku":"Team-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40569492766802,"sku":"Team-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40569492799570,"sku":"Team-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40569492832338,"sku":"Team-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40569492865106,"sku":"Team-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40569492897874,"sku":"Team-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40569492930642,"sku":"Team-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40569492963410,"sku":"Team-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/22fcc30fbf429e4112495cc76085cb36.jpg?v=1762475092"},{"product_id":"drunk-cigs-dont-count-tee","title":"Drunk Cigs Don't Count Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Drunk Cigs Don't Count tee by Unethical Threads is for everyone who becomes a casual smoker after their third drink. You know who you are. Heavyweight cotton, DTG printed, and honestly a more accurate personality descriptor than your dating profile.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's ever said \"I only smoke when I drink\" for the fifth weekend in a row.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eParty smokers, social puffers, and people who keep a pack in their jacket \"just in case.\" If you've ever bummed a cigarette from a stranger outside a bar at 1 AM, this shirt already belongs to you. It's not a lifestyle. It's a tradition.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that can handle smoke breaks and spilled drinks\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (yes, your buddy who \"quit\" can wear it too)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because apparently that matters to some of you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric, so the colors outlast your willpower\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, so it still fits after your Sunday morning shame spiral\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for a smoker?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift for the friend who \"quit smoking\" three months ago but somehow always has a lighter on them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorks for birthdays, White Elephant, or just calling someone out. They'll laugh. They'll also probably step outside for a cigarette right after opening it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk. It'll fit the same after washing as it did when you impulse-bought it at 2 AM.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Drunk Cigs Don't Count tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. We don't gatekeep bad decisions by size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not some iron-on from a flea market. It holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually comfortable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton, relaxed fit, crew neck. It feels like a real shirt, not a costume. You could sleep in it. You probably will.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this around my parents?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can. Whether you should is between you and your family's sense of humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40576164134994,"sku":"DrunkCig-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40576164167762,"sku":"DrunkCig-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40576164200530,"sku":"DrunkCig-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40576164233298,"sku":"DrunkCig-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40576164266066,"sku":"DrunkCig-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40576164298834,"sku":"DrunkCig-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40576164331602,"sku":"DrunkCig-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40576164364370,"sku":"DrunkCig-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40576164397138,"sku":"DrunkCig-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40576164429906,"sku":"DrunkCig-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40576164462674,"sku":"DrunkCig-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40576164495442,"sku":"DrunkCig-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40576164528210,"sku":"DrunkCig-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40576164560978,"sku":"DrunkCig-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Front_1.png?v=1762475125"},{"product_id":"commit-tax-fraud-barney-tee","title":"Commit Tax Fraud Barney Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eUnethical Threads presents your favorite purple dinosaur doing what he does best: encouraging federal crimes. The Commit Tax Fraud Barney Tee takes the childhood icon you trusted and puts him exactly where he belongs, whispering terrible financial advice on your chest.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked during the Barney era and never emotionally recovered. If you've ever filled out a 1040 and thought \"what if I just didn't,\" this shirt already belongs to you. Strong choice for burnt-out accountants, libertarians with a sense of humor, and anyone whose retirement plan is \"vibes.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't fall apart after three washes (unlike your tax return integrity)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Tax fraud is for every body.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e You're committing crimes, not fashion crimes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid through the audit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk.\u003c\/strong\u003e It'll fit exactly how you expect, unlike your refund.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt might be the best gift. This is the shirt that says \"I know you, and I know you're a little unhinged.\" Perfect for birthdays, white elephants, tax season, or just because your friend won't stop talking about deductions. Wrap it or hand it over in the bag. Either way, they're wearing it to Thanksgiving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt actually encourage tax fraud?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's a joke. Please file your taxes. We are not financial advisors and Barney is not a CPA.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Commit Tax Fraud Barney Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs a little roomy. Size down if you want it fitted.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNope. DTG printing means the ink is embedded in the fabric, not sitting on top. Your print stays sharp through every wash cycle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDepends entirely on where you work. IRS office? Probably not. Anywhere with a sense of humor? 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If you've ever described your sense of humor as \"a lot,\" this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bad taste comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because we're unhinged, not animals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors stay loud even after you've washed away the shame\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, so it fits the same on day one and day one hundred\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's kind of the whole thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you're buying shirts from a brand called Unethical Threads and expecting safe, you might be lost. This Dog Bounty Hunter Taylor Swift Tee lives in the sweet spot where people either immediately get it or stare at you trying to figure out what they're looking at. Either reaction is correct.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt soft or is it one of those scratchy ones?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton, but soft. Built to hold up without feeling like you're wearing a paper bag.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Dog Bounty Hunter Taylor Swift tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. 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If you've ever seen someone touch the hot stove after you told them not to, and your only reaction was to sip your coffee, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't turn into a see-through napkin after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the graph stays sharp while the people around you keep making poor decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bad decisions come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, because surprises belong in the \"find out\" column, not your laundry\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has ever said \"play stupid games, win stupid prizes\" with a completely straight face, hand them this shirt. 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It's also for anyone who appreciates a good conspiracy joke and wants to wear something funnier than whatever Target is selling this week.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (room for everyone at this table)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, because we're here to make jokes, not reinvent necklines\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print so the colors stay vivid even after your washing machine tries to destroy the evidence\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. It won't betray you like your local Pizza Hut franchise did.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnreasonably good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has ever said \"I could make better pizza than Pizza Hut\" (so, literally everyone), this is their shirt. It's the kind of gift that gets a real laugh, not the polite kind where they immediately check for a gift receipt. Works for birthdays, holidays, or as a subtle warning to franchise owners in your area.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the I Out Pizza'd The Hut shirt say?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe full text reads \"I out pizza'd the hut and now the CIA is trying to assassinate me.\" It's a riff on Pizza Hut's \"No one out-pizzas the Hut\" slogan, taken to its logical, paranoid conclusion.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. 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Everyone else will just think it's funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40609567539282,"sku":"Pizza-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40609567572050,"sku":"Pizza-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40609567604818,"sku":"Pizza-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40609567637586,"sku":"Pizza-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40609567670354,"sku":"Pizza-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40609567703122,"sku":"Pizza-White-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40609567735890,"sku":"Pizza-White-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40609567768658,"sku":"Pizza-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40609567801426,"sku":"Pizza-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40609567834194,"sku":"Pizza-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40609567866962,"sku":"Pizza-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40609567899730,"sku":"Pizza-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40609567932498,"sku":"Pizza-Black-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40609567965266,"sku":"Pizza-Black-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/8790f63d30997ee906865111d7915730_1.jpg?v=1762475472"},{"product_id":"hasbulla-tee-1","title":"Hasbulla Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Hasbulla Tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone who watched a 3-foot legend go viral and thought \"yeah, that's my energy.\" Part meme tribute, part hustle anthem. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who don't need the joke explained.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've watched Hasbulla slap someone twice his size and felt genuine inspiration, congratulations, this is your shirt. The overlap between MMA fans, meme connoisseurs, and people who peaked emotionally in middle school is bigger than you'd think. This tee sits right in the center of that Venn diagram.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that won't disintegrate after three washes like that thing you bought off an Instagram ad\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL. Hasbulla is inclusive even if his right hook isn't.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck. Classic. Nothing fancy, nothing needed.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay loud long after the meme cycle moves on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk so your Hasbulla doesn't become Hasbulla Jr. after laundry day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift. Possibly the best gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has ever sent you a Hasbulla clip at 2 AM with absolutely no context, you already know what to get them. Birthday, holiday, random Tuesday. This tee works for anyone who treats internet culture as a core personality trait and refuses to apologize for it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Hasbulla Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG printing keeps the colors locked in. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it holds up either way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your workplace. If your boss knows who Hasbulla is, you're probably fine. Corporate office? Read the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow should I style this?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eJeans. Shorts. Joggers. It's a graphic tee, not a riddle. 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That's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels substantial, not some tissue-paper fast fashion afterthought\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because political commentary is not size-restricted\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, no weird collar situations\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric, so the colors stay sharp through every wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe kind of shirt you throw on when you want your outfit to do the talking\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWill this get a reaction?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. That's the point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe War Profit Israel Palestine shirt isn't subtle, and it's not trying to be. Some people will nod. 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Turn it inside out and wash cold.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate to wear in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDefine appropriate. It's a shirt with a political opinion. You'll be fine at a bar, a protest, or a barbecue. Maybe skip the corporate retreat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow fast does it ship?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost orders are printed and shipped within 3-7 business days. 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Surprises are for birthdays, not laundry day.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Penguin Fight or Flight Tee is the kind of present that says \"I know exactly who you are and I'm not sorry about it.\" Perfect for the friend who sends you unhinged animal memes at 2 AM. Also works for white elephant if you want to actually win for once.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S through 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric, not sitting on top. Your penguin stays crisp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a penguin with a knife. If that offends someone, they're going to have a rough time on the internet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt made of?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Soft but substantial. 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The friend who still talks about their appendectomy like it was a war story. Honestly, anyone who walks past a Claire's in the mall and thinks \"what if they offered more procedures.\" The Appendix Tee hits different when you've actually been under the knife, but it's funny either way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that handles actual life, not just photo ops\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit in S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck (the only procedure here that doesn't require anesthesia)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for colors that don't bail after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. 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You know the drill: two drinks in, someone lights up, and suddenly your willpower evaporates. This sweatshirt does the heavy lifting your self-control won't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually needs this sweatshirt?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's ever bummed \"just one\" cigarette and then chain-smoked half a pack on someone's porch at 2 AM.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your friends have to physically slap cigarettes out of your hand, this is the polite version of that. It's a cry for help you can wear to brunch. 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Then some stranger at a bar will actually respect the request, and you'll have done more than a box of Nicorette ever could.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this sweatshirt actually stop people from giving you cigarettes?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSurprisingly, yes. Most people read your chest before offering you a smoke. It's not foolproof (drunk people can't read), but it's more effective than your willpower.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Do Not Give Me A Cigarette sweatshirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on everyone regardless of how many quit-smoking snacks you've been housing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade or crack after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. 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You earned the title, now wear it. Heavyweight cotton, relaxed fit, and zero ambiguity about where your talents lie.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou already know. It's for the person at the party who says the thing everyone was thinking but nobody had the nerve to say out loud. The one whose dating profile should probably come with a warning label.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf \"Certified Munch\" makes you laugh instead of blush, this is your sweatshirt. Simple as that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels substantial, not some see-through fast fashion situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because talent comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic and clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors hold up through every laundry cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you already committed to the bit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of the best, honestly. It's the kind of gift that tells someone you really know them. Or the kind that gets you blocked. There's no middle ground, and that's the whole point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for birthdays, White Elephant, or just letting someone know you see them. You know what you did.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does Certified Munch mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you have to ask, you might not be ready for this sweatshirt. It's viral slang that blew up in pop culture. Google it, but maybe not at work.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this sweatshirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a relaxed unisex fit, so it runs pretty standard. Check the size chart if you're between sizes. Available S through 4XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. 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You're inappropriate, not uncivilized.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors outlast your relationships\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e. Your choices are questionable but at least your laundry routine doesn't have to be.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift for someone you actually know well enough to give it to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is not a Secret Santa pick for the coworker you met last Tuesday. This is for your best friend, your partner who gets your humor, or yourself, because you earned it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the Two Seater sweatshirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a relaxed unisex fit. If you want it snug, go with your normal size. 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You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels substantial, not some paper-thin afterthought\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL (champions come in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck for maximum trophy-ceremony readiness\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the graphic stays sharp and vivid through every wash cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to recover in after you've defended your title\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift. Nothing says \"I know exactly who you are and I'm not sorry\" like handing someone an Anal Bead Tug O War Champion sweatshirt at a birthday party. 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Champions come in every size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric, so it stays smooth and won't crack or fade like cheap screen prints.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I return it if someone gets offended?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCheck our return policy, but someone getting offended is kind of the point. That's a feature, not a bug.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40617575743570,"sku":"AnalS-White-S","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40617575776338,"sku":"AnalS-White-M","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40617575809106,"sku":"AnalS-White-L","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40617575841874,"sku":"AnalS-White-XL","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40617575874642,"sku":"AnalS-White-2XL","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40617575907410,"sku":"AnalS-White-3XL","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/02dc8f7a3e8fecf520f2fad637ac804e.jpg?v=1762475531"},{"product_id":"shaquille-otmeal-sweatshirt","title":"Shaquille O'TMeal Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Shaquille O'TMeal sweatshirt from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like: Shaq, but oatmeal. 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It pairs well with sweatpants, questionable decisions, and a bowl of actual oatmeal if you're feeling on-brand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that doesn't feel like a paper bag from a gas station\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (Shaq himself would need a custom order, but you're probably fine)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because this isn't a henley situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay put even after you inevitably spill oatmeal on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, because surprises belong in cereal boxes, not your dryer\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift for someone who appreciates a pun that absolutely did not need to exist.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthday, Christmas, random Tuesday because you saw it and thought of them. The bar for funny gifts is low and this clears it. Just don't pair it with a box of oatmeal unless you want them to think you're making a lifestyle suggestion.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this sweatshirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes, but it runs true.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG (direct-to-garment) printed, so the colors hold up. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to be extra careful.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this officially licensed by Shaq?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. This is a parody design. We're not affiliated with Shaquille O'Neal, the NBA, or any oatmeal brands.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I return it if it doesn't fit?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Check our return policy page for details on exchanges and returns.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40617579184210,"sku":"ShaqS-Black-S","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40617579249746,"sku":"ShaqS-Black-M","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40617579282514,"sku":"ShaqS-Black-L","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40617579315282,"sku":"ShaqS-Black-XL","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40617579348050,"sku":"ShaqS-Black-2XL","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40617579380818,"sku":"ShaqS-Black-3XL","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40617579413586,"sku":"ShaqS-White-S","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40617579446354,"sku":"ShaqS-White-M","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40617579479122,"sku":"ShaqS-White-L","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40617579511890,"sku":"ShaqS-White-XL","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40617579544658,"sku":"ShaqS-White-2XL","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40617579577426,"sku":"ShaqS-White-3XL","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/88ea1613eee21e175e94578b739400b4.jpg?v=1762475531"},{"product_id":"i-would-dropkick-a-child-newport-sweatshirt","title":"I Would Dropkick A Child For A Newport Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe \"I Would Dropkick A Child For A Newport\" sweatshirt from Unethical Threads is for people whose cigarette loyalty borders on felony territory. If you've ever seriously considered violence over a menthol, congratulations, this is your uniform. Heavyweight, cozy, and morally bankrupt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe person in your friend group who everyone is slightly afraid of. You know exactly who.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the sweatshirt for anyone whose Newport devotion transcends reason. It's for smoke break philosophers, gas station regulars, and people who've said \"I'd kill for a cigarette\" and meant it a little too literally. If you saw the words \"I Would Dropkick A Child For A Newport\" and thought \"finally, someone gets me,\" you're home.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense from brands that don't respect you\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Newport loyalty has no size limit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic. Like your addiction\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e directly into the fabric so the colors stay loud even after you've washed the smoke smell out (you won't)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the gift that says \"I pay attention to your worst qualities and I celebrate them.\" Everyone has that one friend who would see this and immediately feel understood. Buy it for them. Or buy it for yourself and pretend someone thoughtful gave it to you. We won't tell.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this sweatshirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a relaxed unisex fit. Go up one for oversized, stick with your usual for standard.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's the whole point. If your circle can't handle it, get a better circle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print going to crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, not some iron-on that peels after three washes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can wear it anywhere you're comfortable being the most unhinged person in the room. So yes, everywhere.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDo I have to smoke Newports to wear this?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo, but it helps. Non-smokers can wear it ironically. Newport diehards wear it as a statement of fact.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40617580068946,"sku":"NewportS-White-S","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40617580101714,"sku":"NewportS-White-M","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40617580134482,"sku":"NewportS-White-L","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40617580167250,"sku":"NewportS-White-XL","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40617580200018,"sku":"NewportS-White-2XL","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40617580232786,"sku":"NewportS-White-3XL","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/9f965c9c30b2e2cd7020dd3cd7c2560f.jpg?v=1762475532"},{"product_id":"rehab-is-for-quitters-sweatshirt","title":"Rehab Is For Quitters Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Rehab Is For Quitters sweatshirt from Unethical Threads is for people who looked at self-improvement and said \"nah.\" Heavyweight, soft, and printed to last longer than your New Year's resolutions. If you're going to commit to something, might as well be bad decisions in comfortable clothing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've accepted that their coping mechanisms are also their hobbies.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend who brings a flask to brunch. The person at the party who's somehow always the last one standing and the first one down. If you saw the phrase \"Rehab Is For Quitters\" and thought \"finally, a sweatshirt that gets me,\" you're exactly the target audience. No judgment here. That's literally the whole brand.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like something. Not that tissue-paper garbage.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Room for everyone (and everything you ate last night).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic. Not trying to reinvent the wheel here.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay put. Unlike your dignity after an open bar.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk.\u003c\/strong\u003e Because life comes at you fast enough already.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely, for the right person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they laugh at things they probably shouldn't and own it, this is the move. If they send you motivational quotes at 7 a.m., maybe try a candle. The Rehab Is For Quitters sweatshirt hits hardest when the person wearing it is completely self-aware about their life choices. So, you know. Most of our customers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Rehab Is For Quitters sweatshirt actually soft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Heavyweight cotton that feels broken-in from the first wear. Cozy enough for the couch, sturdy enough for questionable decisions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL. Check the size chart, but when in doubt, size up. Nobody ever regretted a little extra room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink or fade in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe DTG print holds its color and the fabric keeps its shape. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it'll outlast your liver.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift for someone who drinks a lot?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they'd laugh at it, yes. If you're not sure whether they'd laugh at it, you already know the answer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40617580757074,"sku":"RehabS-White-S","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40617580789842,"sku":"RehabS-White-M","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40617580822610,"sku":"RehabS-White-L","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40617580855378,"sku":"RehabS-White-XL","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40617580888146,"sku":"RehabS-White-2XL","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40617580920914,"sku":"RehabS-White-3XL","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/483e544c65e53a43d22df017b9cde80b.jpg?v=1762475532"},{"product_id":"g-is-for-gaslight-sweatshirt","title":"G Is For Gaslight Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe G Is For Gaslight Sweatshirt from Unethical Threads is the alphabet lesson your therapist warned you about. If you know the difference between gaslighting and \"just remembering things differently,\" this one's for you. Heavyweight cotton, unisex fit, and absolutely no accountability included.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've been lovingly accused of gaslighting at least once this week. Your friend who wins every argument by making you question your own memory. The person in the group chat everyone's a little afraid of. If you've ever said \"I never said that\" while knowing full well you said exactly that, congratulations, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real commitment (unlike you)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S-4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because we're gaslighters, not monsters\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay vivid through every wash cycle and every denial\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, so at least something in your life is predictable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. It's the perfect gift for someone who insists they never said that thing you both know they said. Also great for birthdays, holidays, or passive-aggressive Secret Santa exchanges. If you're worried about offending the recipient, they're probably not your target audience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this sweatshirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a relaxed unisex fit. Most people go with their usual size. Between sizes? Size up for a comfier fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. No cracking, no peeling, no fading.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually about gaslighting?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a funny alphabet joke on a sweatshirt. If someone reads deeper into it, that sounds like their problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your HR department's sense of humor. If they have one, go for it. If not, save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40617582657618,"sku":"KevS-White-S","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40617582690386,"sku":"KevS-White-M","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40617582723154,"sku":"KevS-White-L","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40617582755922,"sku":"KevS-White-XL","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40617582788690,"sku":"KevS-White-2XL","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40617582821458,"sku":"KevS-White-3XL","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/c827542a69ab1cf6dabee90af23fa887.jpg?v=1762475534"},{"product_id":"camel-towing-pull-out-tee","title":"AAA Camel Towing Pull Out Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe AAA Camel Towing Pull Out Tee from Unethical Threads is a shirt about a very reputable towing company. They specialize in pulling out. That's it, that's the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who peaked in humor around middle school and never looked back. This is the shirt you wear to the barbecue when you want your father-in-law to finally stop inviting you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt pairs well with cargo shorts, a cooler full of something cheap, and the confidence of someone who truly does not care what anyone thinks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like it costs more than the joke deserves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because bad taste comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you're not that fancy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the colors stay loud even after your dignity fades\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, your reputation is not\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the perfect gift for someone you like but don't respect. Works for birthdays, white elephants, Father's Day if you're feeling brave.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they laugh, you've found your people. If they don't, that's useful information too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. The DTG print holds up wash after wash. The joke will outlast the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about towing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOfficially, yes. It's about a very professional camel towing service. We stand by that.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's kind of the point. Know your audience, or don't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":40619254579282,"sku":"Camel-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40619254612050,"sku":"Camel-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40619254644818,"sku":"Camel-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":40619254677586,"sku":"Camel-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40619254710354,"sku":"Camel-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Front_4_1.png?v=1762475658"},{"product_id":"happy-easter-sleepy-joe-biden-xmas-tee","title":"Happy Easter Sleepy Joe Biden Xmas Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Happy Easter Sleepy Joe Biden Xmas Tee is Unethical Threads' tribute to a man who never quite knew what day it was. A Christmas shirt that wishes you Happy Easter, because presidential confusion is a bipartisan spectator sport. Wear it in December. Wear it in April. Joe wouldn't know the difference.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho wears a Christmas shirt that says Happy Easter?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who watched a sitting president muddle his holidays on live television and thought, \"yeah, that needs to be on a shirt.\" If you've ever laughed at C-SPAN, this is your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Sleepy Joe era gave us a lot of material, and this tee captures the exact energy of shouting Happy Easter into a camera surrounded by Christmas trees. It's political humor without the essay. Just the punchline.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that won't fall apart after three washes like a press conference answer\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Fits your conspiracy uncle and your apolitical cousin who just thinks it's funny\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic. Not reinventing anything here\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors last longer than a campaign promise\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable.\u003c\/strong\u003e Unlike certain political legacies, this actually holds up\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this going to cause problems at the holiday dinner?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. That's half the reason you're buying it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your family survived election season, they can survive this tee. Worst case, you become the main character at dinner for ten minutes. Best case, you find out which relatives are actually funny. Either way, you're wearing the best shirt in the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about Joe Biden?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nYes. It's a jab at the Sleepy Joe mix-up moments that became internet legend. If you followed the Biden presidency, you already get the joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nNo. DTG printing locks the colors in. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it holds up fine either way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a Christmas shirt or an Easter shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nYes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I give this as a gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nIt's one of the best political humor gifts you can hand someone. Just maybe don't give it to your boss.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40624719659090,"sku":"JoeC-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40624719691858,"sku":"JoeC-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40624719724626,"sku":"JoeC-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40624719757394,"sku":"JoeC-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40624719790162,"sku":"JoeC-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40624719822930,"sku":"JoeC-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40624719855698,"sku":"JoeC-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40624719888466,"sku":"JoeC-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40624719921234,"sku":"JoeC-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40624719954002,"sku":"JoeC-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40624719986770,"sku":"JoeC-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40624720019538,"sku":"JoeC-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40624720052306,"sku":"JoeC-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40624720085074,"sku":"JoeC-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/4b047f5b7e19d6165fc1e4d55ed83570.jpg?v=1762475699"},{"product_id":"santas-coal-club-tee","title":"Santa's Coal Club Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eSanta's Coal Club tee by Unethical Threads. For everyone who's been on the naughty list so long it's basically a lifestyle. This is your membership card, printed on heavyweight cotton, because even delinquents deserve nice things.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually joining the Coal Club?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever gotten a look from your mom that could curdle milk at Christmas dinner, you're already a member.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt just makes it official. The Coal Club isn't for people who are \"a little naughty.\" It's for the ones who made the list, checked it twice themselves, and felt proud. Wear it loud. Santa already knows.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like it means business, not like a free conference tee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL (yes, 4XL, because coal knows no size limit)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, classic cut\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print that locks ink into the fabric, so no cracking, no peeling, no sad fading\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable. You're already on the naughty list, at least your laundry can be easy.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eDoes this make a good Christmas gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, this is the gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's for the friend your other friends call \"a lot.\" The cousin who gets disinvited from things. The coworker whose Secret Santa gift always makes HR nervous. Buy it for them. They already know who they are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Santa's Coal Club tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. It's a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is bonded directly into the fabric. Holds up through the wash without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this only a Christmas shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOfficially, yes. But we've seen people wear it in April and we respect that energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a holiday party?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can and you should. If someone's offended, they weren't on the list.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40624721330258,"sku":"Coal-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40624721363026,"sku":"Coal-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40624721395794,"sku":"Coal-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40624721428562,"sku":"Coal-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40624721461330,"sku":"Coal-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40624721494098,"sku":"Coal-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40624721526866,"sku":"Coal-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Front_24.png?v=1762475700"},{"product_id":"im-so-good-santa-came-twice-tee","title":"I'm So Good Santa Came Twice Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I'm So Good Santa Came Twice tee from Unethical Threads is the Christmas shirt your HR department has nightmares about. Dirty holiday humor printed on thick, heavyweight cotton. If you have to ask what it means, this one isn't for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who treat the holiday party like a contact sport. You show up, let the shirt do the talking, and watch everyone at the table either choke on their eggnog or high-five you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis isn't for the person who plays it safe with a reindeer sweater. It's for the friend everyone texts about after the party. The one who made it memorable. The one who got uninvited from next year's and still considers that a win.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a gas station souvenir\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (Santa doesn't discriminate)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, because we're inappropriate, not experimental\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG print that keeps its color longer than your dignity at the Christmas party\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePreshrunk fabric, so what you order is what you get\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift if you know your audience. Give this to someone with no sense of humor and you've just created a situation. Give it to the right person and you're a legend until at least February.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe I'm So Good Santa Came Twice tee is made for Secret Santa exchanges where the budget is low and the chaos tolerance is high. Also works for White Elephant if you want to actually win instead of bringing another candle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually inappropriate?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a double entendre, so it's exactly as inappropriate as your mind makes it. Some people will read it and laugh. Others will read it and blush. Both reactions are correct.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe DTG print holds its color through the wash. Follow the care instructions and you'll get years out of it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this outside of Christmas?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can, but it hits different in December. That said, we're not your parents. Wear it in July if you want.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Red \/ Small","offer_id":40624724705362,"sku":"Came-Red-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ Medium","offer_id":40624724738130,"sku":"Came-Red-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ Large","offer_id":40624724770898,"sku":"Came-Red-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ XL","offer_id":40624724803666,"sku":"Came-Red-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 2XL","offer_id":40624724836434,"sku":"Came-Red-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 3XL","offer_id":40624724869202,"sku":"Came-Red-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 4XL","offer_id":40624724901970,"sku":"Came-Red-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40624724934738,"sku":"Came-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40624724967506,"sku":"Came-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40624725000274,"sku":"Came-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40624725033042,"sku":"Came-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40624725065810,"sku":"Came-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40624725098578,"sku":"Came-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40624725131346,"sku":"Came-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/df2c1f9fba418ffc89bf11708c353f6e.jpg?v=1762475702"},{"product_id":"need-head-gingerbread-tee","title":"Need Head Gingerbread Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Need Head Gingerbread Tee from Unethical Threads pairs Christmas cheer with the kind of request that gets you uninvited from the office party. It's a holiday shirt for people whose humor peaks in December and bottoms out everywhere else. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who treat Christmas like a full-contact sport. If your go-to move at holiday dinners is making your aunt choke on her eggnog, this is your uniform. The Need Head Gingerbread Tee hits hardest at ugly sweater parties, white elephant exchanges, and any gathering where someone's already had too much punch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a promotional freebie from a car dealership\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e (yes, we thought of you)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because we're inappropriate, not experimental\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the gingerbread man survives the wash and the judgment\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSomehow looks better after you've worn it a few times\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift for someone you know well enough to offend. Wrap it up for your work Secret Santa if you want to find out exactly where the line is. Also perfect for siblings, best friends, or anyone who sends you memes at 2 AM. If you're not sure they'd laugh, they're not your people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Need Head Gingerbread Tee actually soft?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Heavyweight cotton doesn't mean stiff. It's thick, comfortable, and broken in by the second wear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing bonds directly to the fabric. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it holds up fine either way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a holiday party?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can wear it anywhere you're comfortable with the consequences.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work and how much you like your job.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Red \/ Small","offer_id":40624726081618,"sku":"Head-Red-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ Medium","offer_id":40624726114386,"sku":"Head-Red-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ Large","offer_id":40624726147154,"sku":"Head-Red-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ XL","offer_id":40624726179922,"sku":"Head-Red-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 2XL","offer_id":40624726212690,"sku":"Head-Red-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 3XL","offer_id":40624726245458,"sku":"Head-Red-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 4XL","offer_id":40624726278226,"sku":"Head-Red-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40624725852242,"sku":"Head-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40624725885010,"sku":"Head-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40624725917778,"sku":"Head-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40624725950546,"sku":"Head-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40624725983314,"sku":"Head-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40624726016082,"sku":"Head-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40624726048850,"sku":"Head-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/f601af8d4ec1494846a157c086989a99.jpg?v=1762475702"},{"product_id":"bipolar-express-kanye-west-tee","title":"Bipolar Express Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Bipolar Express Tee from Unethical Threads is a Kanye West tribute for people who actually get the joke. It's dark, it's funny, and it's printed on heavyweight cotton that won't quit on you like Ye quits social media. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eKanye fans who can laugh at the chaos. People who think dark humor and mental health awareness can coexist in the same sentence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend who quotes Ye lyrics during serious conversations owns three of these. The person at the party who makes everyone laugh and then gets too real for a second? That's the Bipolar Express demographic. It's a pretty specific crowd, and they're all here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a translucent napkin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e because good jokes come in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because we're chaotic, not feral\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors hold up through your manic wash cycles\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, which is more than we can say for Kanye's impulse control\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this going to offend someone?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. But the people who get offended weren't going to buy it anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLook, this shirt lives in the same lane as everything else at Unethical Threads. If you're here, you already know the deal. The Bipolar Express Tee is for people with a sense of humor that's been described as \"a lot\" at least twice. Wear it around people who get you. Or don't. We're not your therapist.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt making fun of mental health?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's making fun of Kanye. The mental health part is just along for the ride. If you can't laugh at a celebrity who named an album after his diagnosis, we don't know what to tell you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Bipolar Express Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works on every body type that wants to commit to this level of humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. It'll hold up better than most celebrity marriages.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow long does shipping take?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost orders ship within 3-5 business days. We print on demand, so your shirt is made fresh just for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40624726671442,"sku":"Bipolar-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40624726704210,"sku":"Bipolar-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40624726736978,"sku":"Bipolar-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40624726769746,"sku":"Bipolar-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40624726802514,"sku":"Bipolar-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40624726835282,"sku":"Bipolar-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40624726868050,"sku":"Bipolar-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/b3d05f937e18d54eb0371a82f108fc77.jpg?v=1762475703"},{"product_id":"let-it-snow-snow-white-tee","title":"*NEW* Let It Snow - Snow White Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Let It Snow tee from Unethical Threads takes Snow White somewhere Disney's lawyers would rather not think about. It's a funny, inappropriate graphic tee for anyone whose childhood nostalgia comes with a dark sense of humor. You already get it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think Disney adults take themselves way too seriously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe overlap between \"grew up watching Snow White\" and \"knows exactly what 'let it snow' means at a party\" is bigger than you'd think. This tee lives in that intersection, comfortably. Wear it to a cookout, a bar, or anywhere you want to find out who your real friends are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually holds up, not the tissue-paper nonsense that falls apart after three washes.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Fits everyone. No exceptions.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Because some things don't need reinventing.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay as vivid as your questionable taste in humor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk.\u003c\/strong\u003e What you order is what you get. Novel concept.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eCan I give this as a gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the right person, absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is a friendship litmus test disguised as a t-shirt. Your best friend from college? Perfect. Your coworker you've spoken to three times? Think harder. The Let It Snow tee is the kind of gift that either makes someone's year or gets you a very uncomfortable conversation with HR. Choose wisely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Let It Snow tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. It's a unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. DTG printing bonds the ink directly to the fabric. Follow the care instructions and you're set.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually a Snow White shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically, yes. Spiritually, it's something else entirely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSome people, absolutely. But those probably aren't the people you hang out with.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the right person, it's the best gift. For the wrong person, it's an HR complaint. Choose wisely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40624727261266,"sku":"Snow-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40624727294034,"sku":"Snow-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40624727326802,"sku":"Snow-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40624727359570,"sku":"Snow-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40624727392338,"sku":"Snow-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40624727425106,"sku":"Snow-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40624727457874,"sku":"Snow-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/c7410e5443a8f8121f0ac57fcffa3c68.jpg?v=1762475703"},{"product_id":"costco-hotdog-i-got-that-dog-in-me","title":"Costco Hotdog I Got That Dog In Me Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Costco Hotdog I Got That Dog In Me Tee is exactly what it sounds like, and Unethical Threads wouldn't have it any other way. It's the $1.50 combo deal of graphic tees: cheap thrills, maximum satisfaction, and everyone in the food court knows what you're really saying.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who's stood in that Costco food court line and felt something spiritual. You wore the meme out on TikTok, now wear it on your chest.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt works at cookouts, grocery runs, and anywhere you want someone to read your torso and quietly reconsider making eye contact.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with a screen print\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL (yes, 4XL, we don't gatekeep)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck because V-necks are for job interviews\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay vivid long after the joke stops being funny (it won't)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine washable. We know you're not hand-washing anything.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely. This is the gift for the friend who sends you memes at 2 AM and has strong opinions about condiments.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Costco Hotdog I Got That Dog In Me Tee lands every time at birthdays, white elephants, or \"I saw this and thought of you\" moments. If the person you're buying for doesn't laugh, you might need a funnier friend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about Costco hotdogs?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOn the surface, yes. Below the surface, also yes. We don't explain jokes here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt's DTG printed, which means the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Wash it normally and the print holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow long does shipping take?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMost orders ship within 3-5 business days. We'd teleport it to you if we could.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eProbably someone, somewhere. 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While half the population is out here dodging cheese plates and reading ingredient labels, you're thriving. This shirt is your quiet flex.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who drink whole milk straight and don't need an exit strategy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLook, the dairy-free movement came for everyone and you just didn't flinch. This tee is for the cheese-plate destroyers, the ice-cream-for-dinner crowd, the ones who see a gallon of milk and think \"yes\" instead of \"oh no.\" It's not bravery. It's biology. But you can still brag about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Tolerance comes in every size.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e (direct-to-garment), so the colors survive your laundry habits\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with a tall glass of whole milk\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone who makes a point of ordering extra cheese, who drinks milk at dinner unironically, or who just exists without lactose drama, this is their shirt. It's the kind of gift that gets a real laugh and actually gets worn, not folded into the \"I'll wear it to bed\" pile.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually about lactose tolerance?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a celebration of functional dairy processing. No deeper meaning, no metaphor. Just milk.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Lactose Tolerant tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable across the board.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's DTG printed, which means the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Wash it normally and it holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTo lactose intolerant people, maybe mildly. To everyone else, no. It's a dairy joke. You'll be fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt material?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton. Thick enough to feel substantial, not stiff enough to stand up on its own.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40638064525394,"sku":"Milk-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40638064558162,"sku":"Milk-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40638064590930,"sku":"Milk-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40638064623698,"sku":"Milk-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40638064656466,"sku":"Milk-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":41261076807762,"sku":"Milk-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":41261076840530,"sku":"Milk-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Lactose_Tolerant_Funny_Milk_Shirt.jpg?v=1755386464"},{"product_id":"sit-on-my-face-pinocchio-tee","title":"Sit On My Face Pinocchio Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Sit On My Face Pinocchio Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what you think it is. Pinocchio, a request, and a nose that grows for all the wrong reasons. If you need it explained, this one isn't for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who've already ruined at least three Disney movies for their friends. The kind of person who sees a puppet with a growing nose and immediately goes somewhere filthy with it. You know who you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels substantial, not that tissue-paper nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e (the only appropriate neckline for inappropriate content)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay as vivid as the mental image you can't unsee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you'll be wearing this one a lot\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift. Nothing says \"I know exactly who you are\" like handing someone a shirt with Pinocchio's face where it shouldn't be.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for white elephant exchanges, birthday roasts, or that friend who already owns our other hits and needs to keep the collection growing. Fair warning: some friendships aren't ready for this. The good ones are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually inappropriate or just clickbait?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOh, it's inappropriate. The design delivers exactly what the title promises. No bait and switch here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Sit On My Face Pinocchio Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe DTG print holds up. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it, but it can take a beating.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I actually wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can wear it anywhere you're comfortable being looked at. 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Past 30, that's most people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40638303895634,"sku":"Back-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40638303928402,"sku":"Back-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40638303961170,"sku":"Back-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40638303993938,"sku":"Back-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40638304026706,"sku":"Back-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40638304059474,"sku":"Back-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40638304092242,"sku":"Back-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40638304125010,"sku":"Back-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40638304157778,"sku":"Back-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40638304190546,"sku":"Back-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/764bc134e6acd6ed8784d90553a60f8e.jpg?v=1762475816"},{"product_id":"ratatouille-tee","title":"AAA Ratatouille Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe AAA Ratatouille Tee from Unethical Threads is what happens when Remy finally snaps. \"I'm Afraid You've Ratted Your Last Tatouille.\" That's it. 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Nothing weird happening up top.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay locked in wash after wash. Remy doesn't fade.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with strong opinions and questionable life choices.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a great gift. If someone in your life has strong opinions about animated rats, culinary cinema, or just loves shirts that make people do a double-take, this is the move.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWorks for birthdays, holidays, Secret Santa, or just \"I saw this and immediately thought of you\" (which honestly says more about your friendship than the shirt itself).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually about the Pixar movie?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. It's Remy at his breaking point. The little chef finally lost it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable on everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG (direct-to-garment) printing keeps the design vibrant through countless washes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to a nice restaurant?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou can wear it anywhere. Whether the host seats you is a different question.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40638312742994,"sku":"Rat-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40638312775762,"sku":"Rat-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40638312808530,"sku":"Rat-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40638312841298,"sku":"Rat-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40638312874066,"sku":"Rat-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/2f5785d83c4d0a94e73955db94272a20.jpg?v=1762475817"},{"product_id":"be-kind-of-a-bitch-tee","title":"AAA Be Kind Of A Bitch Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Be Kind Of A Bitch tee from Unethical Threads is for people who tried the whole kindness thing and decided to get specific about it. You're nice to people who deserve it. That's not a character flaw, that's character development.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople with manners and limits. The kind of person who holds the door open but will absolutely tell you about yourself if you skip the thank you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis isn't an attitude problem. It's an attitude solution. You spent years being too agreeable, and now you've recalibrated. The Be Kind Of A Bitch tee is just the uniform for that particular glow-up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a shirt, not a tissue with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because this energy comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic and clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e, so the design stays vivid through every wash (unlike your patience)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift. Everyone knows someone who runs on this exact energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBirthdays, holidays, 'I saw this and immediately thought of you' moments. If you have a friend who's sweet but surgical, this is their shirt. They'll wear it and people will nod knowingly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S through 4XL. If you're between sizes, go up for a comfier fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which bonds the ink directly into the fabric. Wash on cold, skip the bleach, and it stays sharp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends on your workplace. If your coworker has a 'Live Laugh Love' mug, you're the balance the office needs. HR mileage may vary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a unisex shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. Unisex fit from S to 4XL. Being kind of a bitch is a universal talent, not a gendered one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat makes this different from other funny tees?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnethical Threads uses heavyweight cotton and DTG printing, not heat transfers that peel after three washes. The shirt is built as well as the joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40642662694994,"sku":"Kind-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40642662727762,"sku":"Kind-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40642662760530,"sku":"Kind-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40642662793298,"sku":"Kind-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40642662826066,"sku":"Kind-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/bdccb28bb8f26622bd23a11bf68cc427.jpg?v=1762475859"},{"product_id":"waiter-more-toddlers-please-tee","title":"AAA Waiter More Toddlers Please Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Waiter More Toddlers Please tee from Unethical Threads features a pitbull politely requesting seconds. If you know, you know. This is dark humor apparel for people who laugh at the things you're not supposed to laugh at.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDog people. Specifically, pitbull owners who are tired of the looks and decided to lean all the way in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlso anyone who treats their friend group's group chat like a competition to post the most unhinged content. If your humor got you put on a watchlist at HR, you already own three of our shirts. This one just completes the collection.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a 5K you didn't run\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because terrible humor comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, nothing fancy, nothing to distract from the crime on your chest\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid even after your in-laws make you wash it in shame\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e so it still fits after the hot wash your conscience told you to run\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the right person, absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you know someone who already has a reputation for being \"the one who takes it too far,\" this is basically a uniform. Perfect for white elephant exchanges where you want to win without technically breaking any rules. Not recommended for your kid's teacher. Probably.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the Waiter More Toddlers Please tee offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on who's reading it. We made it for people with a dark sense of humor who don't need a warning label on their wardrobe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart on this page if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe DTG print won't fade on you. Turn it inside out, cold wash, and hang dry if you want it looking fresh for years.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I return it if it doesn't fit?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYes. Check our return policy page for details on exchanges and refunds.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt only for pitbull owners?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNot even close. Anyone who gets the joke is welcome. 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A threat, a promise, and a deeply uncomfortable thing to read on someone's chest at a family barbecue. Peak inappropriate humor on heavyweight cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think the best defense mechanism is making everyone else uncomfortable first.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour friend who peaked in group chat humor. The person at the party you either immediately love or immediately avoid, no middle ground. If you've ever been told \"you can't say that,\" this shirt is basically your uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels substantial. Not that thin, see-through stuff from a tourist shop.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL.\u003c\/strong\u003e Everyone deserves to make people uncomfortable.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck.\u003c\/strong\u003e Classic. 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Check the size chart if you're between sizes. Available in S through 4XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing locks the ink into the fabric. Wash inside out on cold if you want to baby it, but it holds up fine either way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThat depends entirely on where you work. If your office has a beer fridge, probably. If you're already on thin ice with HR, read the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I return it if it doesn't fit?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eEach shirt is printed to order, so returns aren't available unless it arrives damaged or defective. Check the size chart before ordering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40642665218130,"sku":"Bully-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40642665250898,"sku":"Bully-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40642665283666,"sku":"Bully-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40642665316434,"sku":"Bully-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40642665349202,"sku":"Bully-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/cc1498716895c4a78e0dbdadd9a47b15.jpg?v=1762475860"},{"product_id":"youve-yeed-your-last-haw-tee","title":"AAA You've Yeed Your Last Haw Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe You've Yeed Your Last Haw tee from Unethical Threads is a raccoon in a cowboy hat delivering the only threat that matters. Western humor for people who've never been on a horse but have very strong opinions about saloon doors.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who quote Tombstone at parties. People who unironically say \"howdy.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your entire personality is one chaotic raccoon away from a wanted poster, congratulations, you found your uniform. It pairs well with boots, but honestly, Crocs work too. Nobody wearing this shirt is worried about looking put-together.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that could survive a dust storm (or your washing machine, same energy)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL, because cowboys come in all sizes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because a V-neck would be too civilized for this raccoon\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors stay put longer than your last relationship\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk. It won't betray you after the first wash.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the gift you give when a gift card feels lazy but you still want to be funny about it. 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If your coworkers can handle a raccoon issuing cowboy threats, you're golden. If HR has feelings about graphic tees, maybe save it for the weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes do you carry?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, and 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit across the board.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40642666987602,"sku":"Haw-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40642667020370,"sku":"Haw-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40642667053138,"sku":"Haw-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40642667085906,"sku":"Haw-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40642667118674,"sku":"Haw-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/fd35010d6a11502c8be8c250877054c0.jpg?v=1762475860"},{"product_id":"drunkle-tee","title":"Drunkle Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Drunkle Tee from Unethical Threads is for every family's favorite liability. You know the one. He shows up 20 minutes late with a 12-pack, tells the story your mom specifically asked him not to tell, and somehow everyone still loves him. This shirt is his uniform.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears the Drunkle Tee?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEvery family has one. Some families have three.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you're reading this and thinking \"that's not me,\" it's definitely you. This is the shirt for the uncle who peaked at beer pong and never looked back, the nephew already training for the role, or anyone whose family group chat has a warning system for holidays.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that can handle whatever you spill on it\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL (because drunkles come in all sizes)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because you're not that fancy\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors survive as many washes as your reputation survives family dinners\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft enough to pass out on the couch in\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs the Drunkle Tee a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHonestly, yes. This is the gift that says \"I see you, and I accept you.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWay better than another tie or a gift card he'll lose in his junk drawer. If your uncle has ever fallen asleep in a lawn chair before the food was ready, this is his shirt. He knows what he is. Let him wear it with pride.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the Drunkle Tee run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a relaxed unisex fit available from S to 4XL. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt actually good quality?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton, DTG printed. It's not a gas station impulse buy. The print holds up wash after wash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend my family?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your family can't handle the word \"Drunkle,\" they definitely can't handle the actual drunkle. The shirt is the least of your problems.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this to Thanksgiving?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can and you should. Pair it with cargo shorts and a cooler full of questionable beer choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good Father's Day gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if the dad in question is also an uncle. And if he is, this might be the most honest gift he's ever gotten.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40642669150290,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40642669183058,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40642669215826,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40642669248594,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40642669281362,"sku":"Drunkle-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/e5e0c5037618d572dff76280c946d5a3.jpg?v=1762475862"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/collections\/Maglietta_Uomo_Divertente.jpg?v=1761608393","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/collections\/maglietta-uomo-divertente.oembed?page=2","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}