{"title":"Who's Calling","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFREE SHIPPING ON ALL ORDERS!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"new-john-pork-is-calling-tee","title":"John Pork Is Calling Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eUnethical Threads made the John Pork Is Calling tee because some calls you just can't ignore. This is the meme shirt for people who saw that notification, laughed way too hard, and decided it belonged on cotton. You already know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's Actually Picking Up?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe terminally online. Your group chat friend who sends memes at 2am. The coworker whose monitor HR should probably be watching.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you've ever screenshot a fake incoming call and sent it to someone with zero context, this shirt was already yours. It's not for people who need the joke explained. It's for people who were already laughing before they finished reading the title.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a costume\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck (V-necks are a different kind of unethical)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the colors survive your laundry crimes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk, because nobody wants a crop top surprise\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life has ever texted you a John Pork screenshot at 11pm on a Tuesday, this is their birthday handled. It says \"I pay attention to your deeply unhinged internet habits and I respect them.\" Wrap it, don't wrap it. They'll know exactly what it means.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the John Pork Is Calling tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSizes S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG (direct to garment) printing bonds the ink into the fabric. Wash inside out on cold if you want to be extra careful, but it holds up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt material?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e100% heavyweight cotton. Thick enough to feel substantial, not so thick you overheat wearing a meme.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this officially licensed?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's an Unethical Threads original inspired by the meme. Not affiliated with John Pork, but honestly, who is.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":40974887157842,"sku":"JohnPork-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":40974887190610,"sku":"JohnPork-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":40974887223378,"sku":"JohnPork-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40974887256146,"sku":"JohnPork-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40974887288914,"sku":"JohnPork-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40974887321682,"sku":"JohnPork-Black-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40974887354450,"sku":"JohnPork-Black-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":40974887387218,"sku":"JohnPork-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":40974887419986,"sku":"JohnPork-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":40974887452754,"sku":"JohnPork-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40974887485522,"sku":"JohnPork-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40974887518290,"sku":"JohnPork-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40974887551058,"sku":"JohnPork-White-3XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40974887583826,"sku":"JohnPork-White-4XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/ec02fa925d044db6804cb7494062a9dc.jpg?v=1762477783"},{"product_id":"fih-tee","title":"Fih Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eFih Tee is Unethical Threads doing what we do best: taking something deeply, beautifully stupid and putting it on a shirt. If you know, you know. If you don't, this probably isn't for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho is this shirt actually for?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe chronically online. The Fih Tee is for people whose humor peaked somewhere between surrealism and straight-up brain damage. You send memes to the group chat at 3 AM. You've laughed at things you genuinely cannot explain to another human being.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou'll wear this and exactly the right people will nod at you. Everyone else will just be confused, which honestly makes it better.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, because some things don't need reinventing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay locked in through the wash cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e, because surprises belong in memes, not laundry\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly if the person deserves something genuinely weird. The Fih Tee is the kind of gift that says you know their sense of humor and you respect it. Perfect for birthdays, white elephants, or just telling someone you see them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they don't get it, that's their problem. You tried.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does Fih mean?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt means exactly what you think it means. Or it doesn't. The shirt gets funnier either way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Fih Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eS through 4XL in a relaxed unisex fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eNo. DTG printing locks the design in so it holds up through plenty of wash cycles.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt comfortable?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a solid, broken-in feel. 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The misspelling is the point. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWhy is a shrimp calling me?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBecause you gave it your number. The Shrim Tee is for the chronically online crowd who find deep meaning in deliberate misspellings and fake phone screens.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the same energy as typing \"fih\" and expecting people to understand. You either get it immediately or you stare at it for thirty seconds and then get it, and both reactions are correct. This is not a seafood shirt. This is not a cooking shirt. This is a state of mind.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S-4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because shrim doesn't discriminate\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e (the only acceptable neckline for receiving calls from crustaceans)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the colors stay vivid even after questionable laundry decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, unlike your browsing history\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift if the person you're buying for has ever sent you a meme with zero context and expected you to laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Shrim Tee works for birthdays, white elephants, or just showing someone you understand their deeply specific sense of humor. 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Just accept it.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf they've ever texted you \"that's tuff\" with absolutely zero sympathy, yes. The Tuff Tee is the shirt equivalent of an inside joke that millions of people happen to be in on. Works for birthdays, holidays, or just showing up and handing it over with no context. The less you explain, the better it lands.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat is the Tuff Tee?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA graphic tee featuring the \"tuff calling\" meme: a pigeon wearing Converse sneakers on a phone incoming-call screen. 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