{"product_id":"dont-spike-my-cortisol-tee-funny-t-shirt","title":"Don't Spike My Cortisol Tee Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Don't Spike My Cortisol Tee Tee from Unethical Threads is for people who got the reference before it went mainstream. If your fight-or-flight response has a Twitch subscription, this is already your shirt. Heavyweight cotton, unisex fit, no explanation needed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who were there when it happened. Stream lurkers, clip farmers, anyone who's ever typed something unhinged in chat at 2 AM and meant every word.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou've already said \"don't spike my cortisol\" out loud to someone in real life. Probably got a blank stare back. This shirt finds the people who won't give you that stare. It's a filter, not a flex.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like an actual garment, not a napkin someone ran through a printer\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e, because stress hormones don't care about your body type\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic cut, nothing weird going on\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the graphic stays sharp through every wash (your mom would be impressed)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRuns true to size\u003c\/strong\u003e, but check the size chart if you're an overthinker\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf someone in your life won't stop quoting Twitch streamers, this shirt tells them you were actually paying attention. At least a little bit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's also a perfectly valid self-purchase for those moments when you need your outfit to say \"I am one minor inconvenience away from a full system shutdown\" without opening your mouth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Don't Spike My Cortisol Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's DTG printed, so the ink is bonded directly into the fabric. Wash inside out on cold and it'll hold up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this official streamer merch?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNope. This is an Unethical Threads original inspired by the meme. We're fans, not management.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's the shirt material like?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with a relaxed fit. Thick enough to feel substantial, not stiff enough to be uncomfortable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this if I don't watch Twitch?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. The cortisol thing is universal at this point. You don't need the lore to feel the sentiment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42347381424210,"sku":"CorSpike-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42347381456978,"sku":"CorSpike-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42347381489746,"sku":"CorSpike-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42347381522514,"sku":"CorSpike-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42347381555282,"sku":"CorSpike-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42347381588050,"sku":"CorSpike-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42347381620818,"sku":"CorSpike-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Dont_Spike_My_Cortisol_Tee_Funny_T_Shirt.png?v=1774275526","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/dont-spike-my-cortisol-tee-funny-t-shirt","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}