{"product_id":"drunk-cigs-dont-count-tee-1","title":"Drunk Cigs Dont Count Gorilla Smoking Tee (BACKPRINT)","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Drunk Cigs Dont Count Gorilla Smoking Tee is Unethical Threads' tribute to the most reliable lie in nightlife. A Nat Geo style gorilla casually lighting up on the backprint, because even primates know the rules change after midnight. This one's for the \"I only smoke when I drink\" crowd.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho's actually buying this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who swear they quit. Also their friends who've watched them bum six cigarettes every Saturday since 2019.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe nature documentary aesthetic makes this hit different. It's not just a smoking joke on a shirt. It's a whole anthropological moment printed on your back, like some NatGeo cameraman caught a silverback making questionable life choices at 2 AM.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed so the gorilla stays crisp through the wash cycle\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBackprint design, meaning people behind you in line get the real show\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for a social smoker?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift. Period.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEvery friend group has that one person who \"quit three years ago\" but still needs a lighter at every party. Hand them the Drunk Cigs Dont Count tee and watch the denial crumble in real time. They'll act offended for about four seconds, then they'll wear it every weekend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available from S to 4XL. Go with your normal size for a classic fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhere is the design printed?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe gorilla smoking design is printed on the back (backprint). The front is clean.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shrink in the wash?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it holds up fine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this actually about smoking?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's about the sacred rule that drunk cigarettes exist in a parallel universe where consequences don't apply. Whether you believe that is between you and your lungs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this around my parents?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTechnically yes. Strategically, that depends on your family.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42307531800658,"sku":"Corilla-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42307531833426,"sku":"Corilla-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42307531866194,"sku":"Corilla-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42307531898962,"sku":"Corilla-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42307531931730,"sku":"Corilla-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42307531964498,"sku":"Corilla-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42307531997266,"sku":"Corilla-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Drunk_Cigs_Dont_Count_Tee.jpg?v=1771510759","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/drunk-cigs-dont-count-tee-1","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}