{"product_id":"free-hand-lotion-pump-a-few-times-funny-t-shirt","title":"Free Hand Lotion Pump A Few Times Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Free Hand Lotion Pump A Few Times Tee from Unethical Threads is a deadpan public service announcement you wear on your chest. Big block letters, helpful instructions, and an arrow pointing exactly where you think it's pointing. Generous of you, really.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who think subtlety is overrated. This is the shirt you grab when you want everyone at the cookout to know you're the one with no filter and no shame.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt reads like a helpful notice on a lotion dispenser. The arrow makes sure nobody misses the real offer. If you have to explain it to someone, you're talking to the wrong person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e from S to 4XL, because bad taste comes in every size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e for the classic \"I look normal from a distance\" silhouette\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the joke doesn't crack, peel, or fade before you do\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMachine washable\u003c\/strong\u003e, which you'll want after the reactions this thing gets\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's an incredible gift for the right person and an HR complaint for the wrong one. Know your audience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhite elephant? Legendary. Bachelor party? Obviously. Your coworker you actually like? Absolutely. Your boss? Read the room. The Free Hand Lotion Pump A Few Times Tee is the kind of present that tells someone you really get them, or that you really want to see them turn red.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the arrow really pointing where I think it is?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. That is the entire point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWash cold, tumble dry low, and it holds its shape. Heavyweight cotton doesn't fall apart on you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes do you carry?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart on this page if you're between sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLegally, yes. Socially, that depends on how much you enjoy uncomfortable eye contact from strangers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes the print hold up after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDTG printing keeps the colors locked in. It won't crack or peel. The joke survives laundry day.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42534019170386,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42534019203154,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42534019235922,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42534019268690,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42534019301458,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42534019334226,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42534019366994,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42534019399762,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42534019432530,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42534019465298,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42534019498066,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42534019530834,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42534019563602,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42534019596370,"sku":"FreeHandLotionF-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Free_Hand_Lotion_Pump_A_Few_Times_Funny_T_Shirt_Black.png?v=1785768997","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/free-hand-lotion-pump-a-few-times-funny-t-shirt","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}