{"product_id":"hair-would-only-slow-me-down-tee-funny-t-shirt","title":"Hair Would Only Slow Me Down Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Hair Would Only Slow Me Down Tee from Unethical Threads is bald-pride humor at its most aerodynamic. It says what every confident bald guy already knows: the hair didn't fall out, it was released for performance reasons.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone who looked in the mirror, accepted reality, and decided to make it funny. Bald dads, bald husbands, bald friends, bald strangers at Home Depot who you want to high-five.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Hair Would Only Slow Me Down tee works because it's not coping. It's a flex. The guy wearing this isn't sad about his hairline. He's the one making the joke before you can.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like a real shirt, not a costume from a boardwalk gift shop\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e in sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic crew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e because you're bald, not feral\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG print\u003c\/strong\u003e (direct-to-garment) so the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top waiting to crack after three washes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable in \u003cstrong\u003eblack or white\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift for a bald guy?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's basically the best gift for a bald guy. Better than a hat (he doesn't need one, that's the point).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Hair Would Only Slow Me Down tee works for Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas, or just a random Tuesday when you want to tell someone you see them and you think they're hilarious. Fair warning: he will wear this constantly. You will see it in every photo for the next two years.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this shirt run true to size?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. It's a unisex relaxed fit. If you're between sizes, go with the one you normally wear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex sizing, so everyone's covered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's a DTG (direct-to-garment) print, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric. It won't crack, peel, or do that sad flaking thing cheap prints do.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good Father's Day gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of the best. If your dad is bald and has a sense of humor (or is bald and needs one), this is the move.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat colors does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack or white. Both look great on a shiny head.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42631950893138,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42631950925906,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42631950958674,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42631950991442,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42631951024210,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42631951056978,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42631951089746,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42631951122514,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42631951155282,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42631951188050,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42631951220818,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42631951253586,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42631951286354,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42631951319122,"sku":"HairWouldOnlySlowMeDownF-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Hair_Would_Only_Slow_Me_Down_Tee_Funny_T_Shirt_Black.png?v=1787070485","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/hair-would-only-slow-me-down-tee-funny-t-shirt","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}