{"product_id":"i-wish-i-had-ketamine-instead-of-this-big-cock-tee-backprint-funny-t-shirt","title":"I Wish I Had Ketamine Instead Of This Big Cock Tee (BACKPRINT)","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Wish I Had Ketamine Instead Of This Big Cock tee from Unethical Threads puts the quiet part on your back in large print. Heavyweight cotton, unisex fit, available in black or white. The front stays blank, because the back is already doing too much.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who gave up on first impressions a long time ago.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your humor runs darker than your coffee and you've accepted that not everyone is going to like you, this is your uniform. It pairs well with a blank stare, zero context, and walking away slowly so people have time to read.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a wet napkin with a neck hole\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic crew neck, because you don't need a V-neck to look unhinged\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print for color that outlasts your willingness to explain the shirt to strangers\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable in black or white. Two choices. Like the moral binary you've already abandoned.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. For someone specific.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know who they are. They're the friend who laughs at things they shouldn't and has never once described themselves as \"easily offended.\" Hand it to them at a party and watch the room sort itself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat does the shirt say?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe back reads \"I WISH I HAD KETAMINE INSTEAD OF THIS BIG COCK.\" The front is blank. It's a stealth deployment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs the print on the front or back?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBack only. The front is completely blank, so you look normal until you walk away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Follow the care instructions and it'll hold up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex S through 4XL. Check the size chart for exact measurements.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this offensive?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat depends entirely on who you ask. We think it's hilarious. Your HR department might disagree.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42625704329298,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42625704362066,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42625704394834,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42625704427602,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42625704460370,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42625704493138,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42625704525906,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42625704558674,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42625704591442,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42625704624210,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42625704656978,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42625704689746,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42625704722514,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42625704755282,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockB-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Wish_I_Had_Ketamine_Instead_Of_This_Big_Cock_Tee__BACKPRINT__Funny_T_Shirt_Black.png?v=1786789040","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/i-wish-i-had-ketamine-instead-of-this-big-cock-tee-backprint-funny-t-shirt","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}