{"product_id":"i-wish-i-had-ketamine-instead-of-this-big-cock-tee-funny-t-shirt","title":"I Wish I Had Ketamine Instead Of This Big Cock Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe I Wish I Had Ketamine Instead Of This Big Cock Tee is Unethical Threads at its most deadpan. A flat, unprompted complaint about having the wrong problem, printed on heavyweight cotton. Available in black or white because the joke doesn't need color theory.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople whose humor lives in the gap between a humblebrag and a cry for help.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou know the friend who says the worst possible thing at dinner and still gets invited back. That's the demographic. This shirt works at a music festival, a house party, or just grabbing groceries if you genuinely don't care what the person behind you in line thinks about your life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that doesn't go transparent after one wash\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because a V-neck on this shirt would be trying way too hard\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG (direct-to-garment) print for color that actually lasts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eText-only front print. Black or white. No graphics, no logo. The words handle it.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's a perfect gift if you know the person. It's an HR incident if you don't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the shirt you buy for someone who will laugh until they can't breathe, and you know exactly who that person is. If you're wondering whether they'd get it, they won't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eS through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable regardless of build.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat colors are available?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack or white. That's the full lineup.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or peel?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. It's DTG printed, which bonds the ink into the fabric. It holds up through washes without cracking or peeling.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this going to shrink?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's heavyweight cotton. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it'll keep its shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCan I wear this in public?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLegally, yes. Socially, that depends entirely on your tolerance for strangers reading your chest and forming opinions.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42625701707858,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42625701740626,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42625701773394,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42625701806162,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42625701838930,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42625701871698,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42625701904466,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42625701937234,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42625701970002,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42625702002770,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42625702035538,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42625702068306,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42625702101074,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42625702133842,"sku":"KetamineInsteadBigCockF-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/I_Wish_I_Had_Ketamine_Instead_Of_This_Big_Cock_Tee_Funny_T_Shirt_Black.png?v=1786787769","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/i-wish-i-had-ketamine-instead-of-this-big-cock-tee-funny-t-shirt","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}