I Would Dropkick A Child For A Red Bull Graphic Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For A Red Bull Graphic Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. A public declaration of your caffeine priorities and your willingness to commit light violence for them. Heavyweight cotton, unisex fit, no apology included.

Who actually wears this?

People whose love for energy drinks borders on a personality disorder. You're the person who reaches for a Red Bull before water in the morning and has said worse things out loud at brunch. This shirt just puts it in writing. Wear it to the gym, the grocery store, or anywhere you want to watch someone read it, process it, and decide whether to laugh or walk away.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper promo tee
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (yes, we thought of you too)
• Crew neck, because we're not animals
• DTG printed so the colors stay put through every wash cycle
• Pairs well with energy drinks, poor life choices, and cargo shorts

Should I buy this for someone?

If they'd laugh at the phrase out loud, absolutely. This is a top-tier gift for the friend who says the quiet part loud, the coworker who keeps getting "talked to," or the sibling you're legally required to buy something for. Birthday, White Elephant, "just because I saw this and thought of you." All valid occasions.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this run true to size?
Runs true to size. If you prefer a looser fit, go up one. Available in S through 4XL.

Will the print crack or fade?
Nope. DTG (direct-to-garment) printing keeps the colors locked in. Turn it inside out before washing if you want to baby it, but it holds up.

Is this actually a good gift?
If the person would laugh at the phrase out loud, absolutely. If they'd file a complaint about it, somehow also yes.

What's the shirt made of?
100% heavyweight cotton. Thick enough to feel like a real shirt, not so thick you overheat standing in line for a Red Bull.

Can I wear this to work?
That depends entirely on your HR department's sense of humor. We believe in you, but we also don't work there.