{"product_id":"lap-dances-5-funny-t-shirt","title":"Lap Dances $5 Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Lap Dances $5 Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like: a walking price list nobody asked for. Available in black or white, it advertises services at a rate so low it's either a joke or the worst business model ever conceived.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho Actually Wears This?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBachelor parties. That's the obvious answer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut also the friend who shows up to brunch wearing something that makes the whole table reconsider the invite list. It's gag-gift territory on paper, but the people who buy the Lap Dances $5 Tee for themselves are the ones you actually want at the party. If you have to ask whether you can pull it off, you probably can't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that doesn't go see-through after three washes (important when your shirt says what this one says)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck, because a V-neck on this particular shirt would send a very different message\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for color that doesn't crack, peel, or fade into plausible deniability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable in black or white\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs This a Good Gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's the best gift if you know your audience, and a terrible idea if you don't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBachelor parties, white elephant exchanges, birthdays for the friend who treats shame like a suggestion. The Lap Dances $5 Tee lands hardest when you give it to someone who will actually wear it in public without flinching. If the recipient blushes easily, maybe grab them a candle instead.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the Lap Dances $5 Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex sizing from S to 4XL. Check the size chart for your best fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print crack or fade?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. DTG printing means the colors stay put. Turn it inside out and wash cold if you want to baby it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt appropriate for work?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDepends where you work. If your HR department has a sense of humor, maybe. If they don't, absolutely not.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat colors does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack or white. Two options, both good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good bachelor party shirt?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt was practically designed for bachelor parties. Also solid for anyone who just enjoys making people mildly uncomfortable in grocery stores.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42752849936466,"sku":"LapDances5F-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42752849969234,"sku":"LapDances5F-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42752850002002,"sku":"LapDances5F-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42752850034770,"sku":"LapDances5F-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42752850067538,"sku":"LapDances5F-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42752850133074,"sku":"LapDances5F-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42752850165842,"sku":"LapDances5F-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42752850198610,"sku":"LapDances5F-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42752850231378,"sku":"LapDances5F-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42752850264146,"sku":"LapDances5F-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42752850296914,"sku":"LapDances5F-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42752850329682,"sku":"LapDances5F-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42752850362450,"sku":"LapDances5F-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42752850395218,"sku":"LapDances5F-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/Lap_Dances__5_Funny_T_Shirt_Black.png?v=1790190970","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/lap-dances-5-funny-t-shirt","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}