{"product_id":"my-body-is-a-machine-that-turns-toes-into-sucked-toes-funny-t-shirt","title":"My Body Is A Machine That Turns Toes Into Sucked Toes Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe My Body Is A Machine That Turns Toes Into Sucked Toes tee from Unethical Threads is a foot-fetish confession disguised as an engineering spec. The meme format does the heavy lifting. Your browser history already knows, and now so does everyone at brunch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually wears this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople who don't blush. Toe enthusiasts, gag-gift snipers, and anyone who thinks subtlety is overrated.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis shirt doesn't wink at the joke, it is the joke. You're not sneaking anything past anyone, and that's the entire point. Wear it to a barbecue, a first date, or your therapist's office.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrew neck (classic, reliable, not trying too hard)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDTG printed for color that survives the wash cycle and your life choices\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable in black or white, because even degenerates get options\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes. This is the gift that says \"I know you\" in the most alarming way possible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for birthdays, white elephants, bachelor parties, or anyone who has made their preferences a little too public. If you're shopping for someone with a sense of humor about themselves, you just found it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does this shirt come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSizes S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt good quality?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHeavyweight cotton with DTG printing. The colors hold up through plenty of washes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this shirt offend people?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAlmost certainly. That's sort of the point. Know your audience, or don't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat colors does this come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack or white. Pick your fighter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this a good gag gift?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne of the best. If someone in your life has a toe thing, this is the gift that says you've been paying attention.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42770067128402,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42770067161170,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42770067193938,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42770067226706,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42770067259474,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42770067292242,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42770067325010,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42770067357778,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42770067390546,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42770067423314,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42770067456082,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42770067488850,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42770067521618,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42770067554386,"sku":"MyBodyIsAMachineThatTurnsToesIntoF-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/My_Body_Is_A_Machine_That_Turns_Toes_Into_Sucked_Toes_Funny_T_Shirt_Black.png?v=1790788704","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/my-body-is-a-machine-that-turns-toes-into-sucked-toes-funny-t-shirt","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}