Spread Cheeks Not Hate Tee

The Spread Cheeks Not Hate tee is Unethical Threads at peak form: a message so pure, so wholesome, so anatomically charged that it loops right back around to being a public service. You're not being crude. You're being an activist. A very specific kind of activist.

Who actually wears this?

People who think kindness and cheeks aren't mutually exclusive.

Your friend who says the quiet part loud at every barbecue. The person in the group chat who makes everyone screenshot their messages. If you've ever been told "you can't wear that," this is probably your next purchase.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a shirt, not a costume you'd throw away after Halloween
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL (yes, 4XL, because we're inclusive in every direction)
• Crew neck, because you're spreading cheeks, not wearing a V-neck to a job interview
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors stay vivid long after you've lost the receipt
• Pre-shrunk fabric, because this shirt should be the only thing in your life that doesn't shrink under pressure

Will this offend someone?

Absolutely. That's kind of the point.

The Spread Cheeks Not Hate tee sits right in that sweet spot where half the room laughs and the other half pretends they didn't read it. Wear it to a cookout, a bar, or anywhere people take themselves too seriously. If someone gets upset, just tell them you're anti-hate. Technically, you're on the right side of history here.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this shirt good quality or is it print-on-demand garbage?

Heavyweight cotton, DTG printed. It's a real shirt, not a tissue paper situation. Holds color and shape through plenty of washes.

What sizes does the Spread Cheeks Not Hate tee come in?

S through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. We don't gatekeep cheek-spreading.

Is this appropriate to wear in public?

Define appropriate. It's technically a pro-kindness message. Whether your coworkers see it that way is between you and HR.

Can I give this as a gift?

This is the gift. White elephant, birthday, "I saw this and thought of you" energy. If someone opens this and doesn't laugh, you now know something important about them.