{"product_id":"what-does-the-cdc-recommend-i-do-with-all-this-ass-funny-t-shirt","title":"What Does The CDC Recommend I Do With All This Ass Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe What Does The CDC Recommend I Do With All This Ass Tee is Unethical Threads' public-health parody for anyone carrying a federally notable amount of cake. Available in black or white. Heavyweight cotton. Zero shame included.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eWho actually needs CDC guidance for this?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnyone whose jeans have filed a formal grievance. If your situation has ever caused a traffic incident or required structural reinforcement, this shirt puts a name to it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt takes the sterile, clipboard-carrying tone of a public health advisory and aims it squarely at your best asset. The kind of tee that says you reviewed the data, consulted the experts, and decided to do absolutely nothing about it. Pair it with confidence and whatever pants still fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like a real garment, not a suggestion of one\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnisex relaxed fit\u003c\/strong\u003e, S to 4XL, because the subject matter demands range\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCrew neck\u003c\/strong\u003e, classic cut, nothing weird\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDTG printed\u003c\/strong\u003e so the design survives laundry day and the group chat screenshot\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAvailable in \u003cstrong\u003eblack or white\u003c\/strong\u003e. Both equally committed to the bit.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eIs this actually a good gift?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYes, if you know the person well enough to reference their body in public.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is not a polite \"happy birthday\" gesture. This is an \"I saw this and immediately thought of your ass\" move, which is either peak friendship or an HR complaint. Read the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch2\u003eFrequently Asked Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIs this shirt CDC-approved?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo. But your situation may warrant its own task force, and this tee is the first step toward public awareness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat sizes does the CDC Ass Tee come in?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL. Plenty of room for the subject matter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill the print fade after washing?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe DTG print holds up. Follow the care instructions and it stays sharp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDoes this come in different colors?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack or white. Pick whichever matches your energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWill this offend someone?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProbably. But the people it offends weren't going to be fun at the cookout anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Unethical Threads","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Small","offer_id":42808669208658,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-Black-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Medium","offer_id":42808669241426,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-Black-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ Large","offer_id":42808669274194,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-Black-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":42808669306962,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-Black-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":42808669339730,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-Black-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":42808669372498,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-Black-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":42808669405266,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-Black-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Small","offer_id":42808669438034,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-White-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Medium","offer_id":42808669470802,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-White-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ Large","offer_id":42808669503570,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-White-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":42808669536338,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-White-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":42808669569106,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-White-2XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":42808669601874,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-White-3XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":42808669634642,"sku":"WhatDoesTheCDCRecommendAssF-White-4XL","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0551\/9402\/6066\/files\/What_Does_The_CDC_Recommend_I_Do_With_All_This_Ass_Funny_T_Shirt_Black.png?v=1791933454","url":"https:\/\/unethicalthreads.com\/products\/what-does-the-cdc-recommend-i-do-with-all-this-ass-funny-t-shirt","provider":"Unethical Threads","version":"1.0","type":"link"}