AAA My Body Is A Machine Shirt

The My Body Is A Machine shirt from Unethical Threads is exactly as unhinged as it sounds. It announces your very specific skill set in bold letters on heavyweight cotton. You already know if this is for you.

Who's actually buying this?

People who think subtlety is overrated. This shirt isn't for the person who nervously laughs at dirty jokes, it's for the person telling them.

Wear it to the bar, the gym, or literally anywhere you want to watch someone read your chest and short-circuit. Pairs well with confidence and a complete lack of shame.

• Heavyweight cotton that earns the "machine" title
• Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because machines come in all sizes
• Classic crew neck
• DTG printed so the colors stay as vivid as the mental image
• Soft enough to sleep in after you've made questionable decisions

Is this actually a good gift?

It's the best gift if you know your audience. Give it to the friend who already says worse at dinner. Give it to your partner who thinks they're funny (and is).

Skip it for your mom. Probably. Unless your mom is cool, in which case, get her a large.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does the shirt actually say?

"My body is a machine that turns dicks into sucked dicks." We're not being coy about it.

Will this get me in trouble?

Depends on where you wear it. Office holiday party? Maybe. Backyard cookout with your degenerate friends? You'll be a legend.

What sizes are available?

S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Does the print fade after washing?

Nope. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. This print isn't fading on you.

Can I return it if someone gets offended?

You can return it per our return policy, but we can't un-offend your coworker.