Bring Me My Keys Hoodie

The Bring Me My Keys hoodie from Unethical Threads is for the person at every party who absolutely should not be driving but will fight you for those keys anyway. Dark drinking humor on heavyweight cotton, saying what your friends are too polite to quote back to you.

Who actually wears this?

People who've heard "you're cut off" more than once. The Bring Me My Keys hoodie is for anyone who treats bad decisions like a personality trait and owns it completely.

Your designated driver hates you. Your group chat has screenshots. This hoodie just confirms what everybody already knew.

• Heavyweight cotton that can survive a night you won't remember
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because you're classy like that
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print, so the colors don't bail on you like your friends did
• Pre-shrunk fabric, because at least something in your life should be reliable

Is this actually a good gift?

Yes. This is the gift that says "I love you but I've seen things."

Perfect for the friend who always needs a ride home, the sibling who peaked at beer pong, or anyone whose Uber rating tells a story. Wrap it or don't. They'll know exactly why you picked it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this hoodie run true to size?

Yes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S-4XL. Check our size chart if you're between sizes.

Is the print going to crack or fade?

No. We use DTG printing, which bonds the ink directly into the fabric. It holds up wash after wash.

Will this offend people?

Probably. That's sort of the whole point. If you're worried about that, this might not be your brand.

Is this a good gift for someone who drinks?

It's a great gift for anyone who treats drinking stories like personal achievements. If they laugh, they're your people.