Can't Breathalyze Meth Tee

The Can't Breathalyze Meth Tee from Unethical Threads is for the kind of person who makes a room go quiet before it goes loud. It's unhinged. It's technically correct. And it's on a shirt now because nobody in our lives tells us no.

Who's actually buying this?

The same people who send memes in the group chat that get zero replies and one screenshot. Look, if your humor has ever made someone physically leave a conversation, this is your uniform.

It's not for everybody. That's the whole point. This is the kind of shirt that sorts people into two camps on sight, and you already know which one you're in.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL
• Classic crew neck
• DTG printed so the colors stay locked in. No cracking, no peeling.
• Pairs well with poor decisions

Is this going to offend people?

Yes. If you're the type to worry about that, this probably isn't your shirt.

The people who wear Unethical Threads already know the assignment. Everyone else can read it, process their feelings, and move on. You're not here to make friends. You're here to make a point, and the point is hilarious.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this shirt true to size?
Yes. Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL. If you're between sizes, go with your usual.

Will the print fade or crack?
No. DTG printing puts the ink directly into the fabric. The colors hold up, no cracking, no peeling.

Can I wear this to work?
Depends on where you work and how attached you are to your employment.

Is this a good gift?
If you know someone whose humor could clear a building, yes. If you're not sure they'd laugh, that's your answer.

What's the shirt made of?
Heavyweight cotton, crew neck, built like an actual garment. Not a tissue-thin novelty tee.