Clean & Sober (I Showered Before Heading To The Liquor Store) Tee

The Clean & Sober (I Showered Before Heading To The Liquor Store) tee from Unethical Threads is for people who choose their words very, very carefully. Every claim on this shirt is technically true. That's the best kind of true.

Who actually wears this?

People who pregame errands. The type who announces "I'm being responsible today" while loading a cart with bottom-shelf bourbon and frozen pizza. This is a status update for functioning adults who keep a very personal dictionary. You're not lying, you're just not elaborating.

• Heavyweight cotton that doesn't bail on you after one wash cycle
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL, because poor decisions come in every build
• Crew neck, because you're casual, not feral
• DTG print that keeps the text sharp and readable, even after you're not
• Available in black or white

Is this actually offensive?

No. The joke is self-deprecating wordplay, not a shot at anyone's journey. You're clowning on yourself and your afternoon plans, which is fair game. If someone reads this shirt and gets offended, they probably didn't finish reading it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt come in other colors?
It comes in black or white. Two choices, which is honestly more decisions than you need before heading to the liquor store.

What sizes are available?
S through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Runs true to size.

Is this shirt making fun of sobriety?
No. The joke is about one person choosing their words like a defense attorney. It's self-deprecating wordplay, not commentary on anyone else's choices.

Will the print fade after washing?
The DTG print stays sharp through serious wash cycles. The text will outlast most of your weekend plans.

Is this a good gift?
If the person describes their third beer as "hydrating," absolutely. If they're in actual recovery, read the room.