Don't Spike My Cortisol Tee Tee

The Don't Spike My Cortisol Tee Tee from Unethical Threads is for people who got the reference before it went mainstream. If your fight-or-flight response has a Twitch subscription, this is already your shirt. Heavyweight cotton, unisex fit, no explanation needed.

Who actually wears this?

People who were there when it happened. Stream lurkers, clip farmers, anyone who's ever typed something unhinged in chat at 2 AM and meant every word.

You've already said "don't spike my cortisol" out loud to someone in real life. Probably got a blank stare back. This shirt finds the people who won't give you that stare. It's a filter, not a flex.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like an actual garment, not a napkin someone ran through a printer
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL, because stress hormones don't care about your body type
• Crew neck, classic cut, nothing weird going on
• DTG printed so the graphic stays sharp through every wash (your mom would be impressed)
• Runs true to size, but check the size chart if you're an overthinker

Is this a good gift?

If someone in your life won't stop quoting Twitch streamers, this shirt tells them you were actually paying attention. At least a little bit.

It's also a perfectly valid self-purchase for those moments when you need your outfit to say "I am one minor inconvenience away from a full system shutdown" without opening your mouth.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does the Don't Spike My Cortisol Tee come in?

S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Will the print fade after washing?

It's DTG printed, so the ink is bonded directly into the fabric. Wash inside out on cold and it'll hold up.

Is this official streamer merch?

Nope. This is an Unethical Threads original inspired by the meme. We're fans, not management.

What's the shirt material like?

Heavyweight cotton with a relaxed fit. Thick enough to feel substantial, not stiff enough to be uncomfortable.

Can I wear this if I don't watch Twitch?

Yes. The cortisol thing is universal at this point. You don't need the lore to feel the sentiment.