Former Teenage Dirtbag Tee

The Former Teenage Dirtbag Tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone who was a genuine problem at fifteen and is now, somehow, a functioning adult. Three words stacked on heavyweight cotton in black or white. You grew up. Mostly.

Who actually wears this?

People who peaked in the parking lot and now have a 401(k).

You were the kid your friend's parents specifically warned them about. Permanent seat in detention, first-name basis with the vice principal. Now you pay a mortgage and own furniture you actually picked out, but part of you still lights up when someone says "remember when." The Former Teenage Dirtbag Tee is that feeling in shirt form.

• Heavyweight cotton. The kind with actual substance, not the tissue-paper stuff.
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL. Reformed dirtbags come in every size.
• Crew neck. Classic, like your permanent record.
• DTG print that keeps its edge longer than you kept yours.
• Available in black or white. Pick whichever matches your level of reform.

Does this work as a gift?

If you know someone who spent their teens being a genuine nuisance and now pretends to be a responsible adult, absolutely.

This is the gift that says "I remember exactly who you were." Works for birthdays, reunions, or any occasion where you want to lovingly remind someone that adulthood is just a costume they put on. Hand it over with a straight face for maximum effect.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is the Former Teenage Dirtbag Tee soft?

Heavyweight cotton, preshrunk, and softer than you'd expect from something this blunt.

What sizes does this come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit that works on every body that survived adolescence.

Will the print crack or fade?

DTG printed, so the text holds up. Your reputation from high school might not, but the shirt will.

Can I wear this to work?

Depends entirely on how much your coworkers know about your past.

What colors does the Former Teenage Dirtbag Tee come in?

Black or white. Both deliver the same confession.