Free Hand Lotion Pump A Few Times Tee

The Free Hand Lotion Pump A Few Times Tee from Unethical Threads is a deadpan public service announcement you wear on your chest. Big block letters, helpful instructions, and an arrow pointing exactly where you think it's pointing. Generous of you, really.

Who actually wears this?

People who think subtlety is overrated. This is the shirt you grab when you want everyone at the cookout to know you're the one with no filter and no shame.

It reads like a helpful notice on a lotion dispenser. The arrow makes sure nobody misses the real offer. If you have to explain it to someone, you're talking to the wrong person.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue with sleeves
• Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because bad taste comes in every size
• Crew neck for the classic "I look normal from a distance" silhouette
• DTG printed so the joke doesn't crack, peel, or fade before you do
• Machine washable, which you'll want after the reactions this thing gets

Is this a good gift?

It's an incredible gift for the right person and an HR complaint for the wrong one. Know your audience.

White elephant? Legendary. Bachelor party? Obviously. Your coworker you actually like? Absolutely. Your boss? Read the room. The Free Hand Lotion Pump A Few Times Tee is the kind of present that tells someone you really get them, or that you really want to see them turn red.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is the arrow really pointing where I think it is?

Yes. That is the entire point.

Will this shirt shrink?

Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it holds its shape. Heavyweight cotton doesn't fall apart on you.

What sizes do you carry?

S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart on this page if you're between sizes.

Can I wear this in public?

Legally, yes. Socially, that depends on how much you enjoy uncomfortable eye contact from strangers.

Does the print hold up after washing?

DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. It won't crack or peel. The joke survives laundry day.