Hair Would Only Slow Me Down Tee

The Hair Would Only Slow Me Down Tee from Unethical Threads is bald-pride humor at its most aerodynamic. It says what every confident bald guy already knows: the hair didn't fall out, it was released for performance reasons.

Who actually wears this?

Anyone who looked in the mirror, accepted reality, and decided to make it funny. Bald dads, bald husbands, bald friends, bald strangers at Home Depot who you want to high-five.

The Hair Would Only Slow Me Down tee works because it's not coping. It's a flex. The guy wearing this isn't sad about his hairline. He's the one making the joke before you can.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a costume from a boardwalk gift shop
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL
• Classic crew neck because you're bald, not feral
• DTG print (direct-to-garment) so the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top waiting to crack after three washes
• Available in black or white

Is this a good gift for a bald guy?

It's basically the best gift for a bald guy. Better than a hat (he doesn't need one, that's the point).

The Hair Would Only Slow Me Down tee works for Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas, or just a random Tuesday when you want to tell someone you see them and you think they're hilarious. Fair warning: he will wear this constantly. You will see it in every photo for the next two years.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?

Yes. It's a unisex relaxed fit. If you're between sizes, go with the one you normally wear.

What sizes are available?

S through 4XL. Unisex sizing, so everyone's covered.

Will the print crack or peel?

No. It's a DTG (direct-to-garment) print, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric. It won't crack, peel, or do that sad flaking thing cheap prints do.

Is this a good Father's Day gift?

One of the best. If your dad is bald and has a sense of humor (or is bald and needs one), this is the move.

What colors does this come in?

Black or white. Both look great on a shiny head.