I Eat Healthy I'm A Cockitarian Tee

The I Eat Healthy I'm A Cockitarian tee from Unethical Threads takes the wholesome clean-eating persona and sends it somewhere deeply inappropriate. Heavyweight cotton in black or white. Exactly as unsubtle as you think it is.

Who actually wears this?

People who've already said the word cockitarian out loud and didn't flinch.

Bachelorette parties, Pride weekends, white elephant exchanges, and that one friend in every group chat who makes everyone else put their phone face down. If you know that person, you probably are that person. This isn't a shirt you stumble into. You see it, you laugh, and you buy it because you respect commitment to a bit.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin
• Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL (dietary choices come in all sizes)
• Classic crew neck
• DTG printed so the colors stay put long after your dignity doesn't
• Available in black or white

Is this a good gag gift?

It might be the best gag gift under forty bucks.

The I Eat Healthy I'm A Cockitarian tee is the kind of present where the wrapping paper isn't even off before someone's cackling. Birthdays, bachelorette parties, Friendsgiving, secret Santa if you want to get banned from next year's. Just know your audience. Not everyone's dietary humor is calibrated the same way.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does cockitarian mean on this shirt?
It's a made-up diet label. Think vegetarian, but the menu is exclusively adult content. You get it.

Is the I Eat Healthy I'm A Cockitarian tee appropriate for work?
That depends entirely on where you work. Casual creative office with a dark sense of humor? Maybe. Anywhere with an HR department that uses the word "policy" often? No.

What sizes does this come in?
S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, and 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit across the full range.

Will the print crack or fade?
No. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric fibers, so it stays sharp and won't crack or peel.

Does this shirt come in other colors?
Black and white. Two colorways, zero subtlety.