*NEW* I Eat Kids Bertram T Shirt

The I Eat Kids Bertram T Shirt from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. If you watched the episode, you already know why this exists. For everyone else, the look on their face when they read your chest is the whole point.

Who's actually wearing this?

People who don't need a shirt explained to them. You've already got a rotation of graphic tees that make your mom sigh, and this one slots right in.

The I Eat Kids Bertram design hits that sweet spot where the reference is specific enough to be funny and vague enough to make strangers deeply uncomfortable. That's the whole game.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like an actual garment, not a napkin with sleeves
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because we keep it classic where it counts
• DTG print (direct to garment) so the colors hold up every time you wash it
• Yes, you can machine wash it. No, your sense of humor is not covered under our return policy.

Is this a good gift?

It's a great gift if you know the person. This is not a Secret Santa safe pick.

But if your friend quotes the scene from memory and owns at least two shirts that have gotten them a look in public, they will absolutely get it. No gift receipt needed.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does the I Eat Kids Bertram shirt come in?
Sizes S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart on the product page if you're between sizes.

Will the print crack or fade after washing?
Nope. DTG printing keeps the colors locked in. Wash cold, turn inside out, and skip the dryer if you want to go the extra mile.

Is this shirt see-through or flimsy?
Not even close. It's heavyweight cotton with real structure. This is a thick, quality tee.

Is this a good gift for someone with dark humor?
If they quote the scene unprompted, yes. If you have to explain the joke first, maybe get them a candle.