I Hate Crotch Goblins Tee

The I Hate Crotch Goblins tee from Unethical Threads is a heavyweight cotton graphic tee for the proudly child-free. It says what you're thinking so you don't have to open your mouth. Available in black or white, sizes S through 4XL.

Who actually wears this?

People who chose sleep, savings, and spontaneous travel over sticky handprints on everything they own.

The child-free crowd has been saying this stuff for years. This shirt just puts it on cotton. Wear it to brunch, wear it to the grocery store, or wear it to your family reunion if you're feeling particularly brave.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt
• Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL, because opinions come in all sizes
• Crew neck. Simple. Lets the text do the talking.
• DTG print, so the graphic won't crack, peel, or fade into oblivion
• Available in black or white

Is this a good gift for someone who hates kids?

For the right person, this is the best gift they'll get all year.

If someone in your life has ever rolled their eyes at a baby shower invite or described a restaurant experience ruined by a screaming toddler, you've found their shirt. The child-free aren't exactly known for being subtle.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?

Yes. It's a unisex relaxed fit that runs true to size. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Will the print fade or crack?

No. The DTG print bonds ink directly into the fabric, so it holds up without cracking, peeling, or fading.

What sizes does the I Hate Crotch Goblins tee come in?

S through 4XL.

Is 'crotch goblins' going to offend people?

Some people, absolutely. That's sort of the whole idea. If you're worried about offending parents, this probably isn't your shirt.