I Never Wipe My A** Because I Don't Let Sh*t Bother Me Tee

The I Never Wipe My Ass Because I Don't Let Shit Bother Me tee from Unethical Threads is a text-only front print that says exactly what you think it says. Zero subtlety, maximum commitment to the bit.

Who actually wears this?

People who peaked at bathroom humor in middle school and chose to stay there. Proud owners of a sense of humor that makes their partners sigh.

If you've ever laughed at a fart joke as a full-grown adult with a mortgage, this tee is your uniform. Throw it on anywhere you want to filter out people who take themselves too seriously, because your friends will love it and your mother-in-law absolutely will not.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a shirt, not a napkin with sleeves
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because V-necks didn't earn this joke
• DTG print locks the text into the fabric. No cracking, no peeling
• Text-only design. The words do all the heavy lifting

Is this a good gift?

Honestly, it's a perfect gift for anyone whose personality is at least 60% crude jokes.

Birthday, White Elephant, "I saw this and thought of you" energy. If the person you're buying for has ever told a poop joke at a dinner party with complete confidence, hit add to cart. Fair warning though: if they don't laugh, you overestimated the friendship.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this shirt offensive?

Yes. That's the point. If bathroom humor isn't your thing, we've got plenty of other designs that might be a better fit.

What sizes does this come in?

S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it runs comfortable no matter who's wearing it.

Will the print crack or fade?

It's a DTG (direct-to-garment) print, meaning it's printed directly into the fabric. No cracking, no peeling. Wash inside out on cold and it'll stay sharp.

What's the shirt made of?

Heavyweight cotton. The kind that actually feels like a shirt, not a see-through napkin.