I Only Drink Two Times A Year My Birthday And When It's Not Tee

The I Only Drink Two Times A Year My Birthday And When It's Not Tee from Unethical Threads is for anyone who tried moderation once, hated it, and never looked back. Available in black or white, this heavyweight cotton tee says what your liver already knows.

Who Actually Wears This?

People who gave up pretending they only drink on special occasions. You know the type.

They're at every barbecue, every Tuesday happy hour, every "I had a long day" Wednesday. This shirt just makes the policy official. It's not a cry for help. It's a mission statement.

• Heavyweight cotton that can handle your questionable decisions and a hot dryer
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL, because bad habits come in all sizes
• Crew neck, because you're not that fancy and we both know it
• DTG printed so the joke doesn't fade before you do
• Available in black or white (your hangover doesn't care either way)

Is This a Good Gift?

For your drinking buddy, your college roommate, or the friend who counts mimosas as a breakfast food? Absolutely.

It's the kind of gift that gets an immediate laugh and never gets returned. Skip the gift card. This says "I know exactly who you are" without any of the emotional vulnerability.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this shirt come in?
S through 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit, so it works for basically everyone.

Will the print crack or peel?
No. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, so the design holds up through washes.

Is this shirt comfortable for all-day wear?
Yes. Heavyweight cotton with a relaxed fit. It's the shirt you forget you're wearing until someone reads it and laughs.

Can I wear this to work?
Depends on your workplace. If your office has a keg, you're probably fine. If not, save it for the weekend.

How should I wash this shirt?
Machine wash cold, tumble dry low. It's not high maintenance, even if you are.