I Wish I Had Ketamine Instead Of This Big Cock Tee (BACKPRINT)

The I Wish I Had Ketamine Instead Of This Big Cock tee from Unethical Threads puts the quiet part on your back in large print. Heavyweight cotton, unisex fit, available in black or white. The front stays blank, because the back is already doing too much.

Who actually wears this?

People who gave up on first impressions a long time ago.

If your humor runs darker than your coffee and you've accepted that not everyone is going to like you, this is your uniform. It pairs well with a blank stare, zero context, and walking away slowly so people have time to read.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a wet napkin with a neck hole
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Classic crew neck, because you don't need a V-neck to look unhinged
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print for color that outlasts your willingness to explain the shirt to strangers
• Available in black or white. Two choices. Like the moral binary you've already abandoned.

Is this actually a good gift?

Yes. For someone specific.

You know who they are. They're the friend who laughs at things they shouldn't and has never once described themselves as "easily offended." Hand it to them at a party and watch the room sort itself.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does the shirt say?

The back reads "I WISH I HAD KETAMINE INSTEAD OF THIS BIG COCK." The front is blank. It's a stealth deployment.

Is the print on the front or back?

Back only. The front is completely blank, so you look normal until you walk away.

Will this shirt shrink?

It's pre-shrunk heavyweight cotton. Follow the care instructions and it'll hold up.

What sizes does this come in?

Unisex S through 4XL. Check the size chart for exact measurements.

Is this offensive?

That depends entirely on who you ask. We think it's hilarious. Your HR department might disagree.