I Wish I Had Serotonin Instead Of This Big Cock Tee

The I Wish I Had Serotonin Instead Of This Big Cock tee from Unethical Threads is a heavyweight cotton shirt that says what you've been thinking since your last depressive episode. Text-only front print, no graphics, no subtlety. Black or white.

Who actually wears this?

People who got the wrong stat boost and are done being polite about it.

The kind of person who responds to "how are you" honestly and watches the room get uncomfortable. This is deadpan exhaustion as outerwear. Honestly, it's one of the most relatable things you'll ever put on your chest, which is really saying something.

• Heavyweight cotton that won't fall apart after three washes (unlike your will to live)
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because you're not that fancy and you know it
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print for color that outlasts your enthusiasm
• Available in black or white. Pick the one that matches your mood. So, black.

Is this a good gift?

It's an incredible gift for the right person and an HR complaint for the wrong one.

If you know someone who makes self-deprecating jokes about their mental health and also happens to radiate big energy, this is basically a love letter. For Secret Santa at a workplace where people actually like each other? Perfect. For your uptight cousin's birthday? Get them a candle.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this shirt about drugs?

No. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter your brain is supposed to make on its own. The joke is about depression, not substance use.

What sizes does this come in?

S through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Runs comfortable across the board.

Does the print fade or crack?

DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric. It holds up through washes without cracking or peeling.

Is this shirt appropriate for work?

Depends entirely on your workplace. If your coworkers have a meme group chat, you're probably fine. If HR has already spoken to you this quarter, save it for weekends.