*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For A Cigarette Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For A Cigarette tee from Unethical Threads is nicotine desperation turned into wearable art. It says what every smoker bumming their last one outside a gas station at 2 AM is already thinking. You're just honest enough to wear it.

Who actually wears this?

People who quit smoking six times this year and people who never will. Honestly, if you've ever caught yourself doing mental math on whether a convenience store is close enough to justify the walk, this shirt was made for you. Your friends already know. This just makes it official.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a tissue paper freebie from a blood drive
• Unisex relaxed fit in S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because we're unhinged, not animals
• DTG printed so the graphic stays vivid and doesn't crack after three washes like your ex's promises
• Pre-shrunk, because nobody needs a surprise crop top

Is this actually a good gift?

It's a perfect gift. If you know someone who would laugh at this, you already know they'd wear it. Smokers, ex-smokers, people who vape but pretend they don't, the coworker who takes eight smoke breaks a day. This is the shirt that says "I see you" without saying a word.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?

Yes. It's a unisex relaxed fit, so go with your usual size. If you're between sizes, check the size chart on this page.

Will the print fade or crack?

Nope. We use DTG printing, which puts the ink directly into the fabric instead of sitting on top. It holds up wash after wash.

Is this appropriate for family gatherings?

That depends entirely on your family. For most? No. For the fun ones? Absolutely.

What if someone gets offended?

They will. That's sort of the whole point. You're shopping at a store called Unethical Threads, not Hallmark.

Do you ship internationally?

We do. Shipping times vary by location, but we ship worldwide.