I Would Dropkick A Child For A Cigarette Tee (BACKPRINT)

The I Would Dropkick A Child For A Cigarette tee is an Unethical Threads backprint that says what every smoker has thought at least once during a craving. It's unhinged, it's honest, and it's printed on heavyweight cotton so it'll outlast your lungs.

Who Actually Wears This?

Smokers. Former smokers. People who quit but still bum one when they're drinking. If you've ever seriously considered felonies because your vape died in a Walmart parking lot, this is your shirt. It's also weirdly popular with nurses, which tracks.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not a napkin with sleeves
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because you're unhinged, not a V-neck person
• DTG printed so the text stays sharp and doesn't crack or fade
• Full backprint, meaning everyone behind you in line gets the message first

Is This a Good Gift for a Smoker?

It's the best gift for a smoker. Better than a carton, honestly, because this lasts longer and won't give them cancer (the shirt, anyway). If someone in your life has ever said something truly deranged while nicotine-deprived, wrap this up. They'll know you get them.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?

Yes. It's a unisex relaxed fit available in S through 4XL. If you're between sizes, go with your usual.

Is the print on the front or the back?

It's a backprint. The front is blank, the back does all the talking.

Will the print crack or fade after washing?

No. It's DTG printed, which means the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top of it. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it'll hold up.

What if someone gets offended?

Then the shirt is working exactly as intended. Unethical Threads isn't for everyone, and that's the whole point.

How long does shipping take?

Orders typically ship within 3-5 business days. You'll get a tracking email once it's on the way.