*NEW* I Would Dropkick A Child For A Coca Cola Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For A Coca Cola tee is Unethical Threads doing what we do best: saying the quiet part loud, on a shirt. It's a Coca-Cola parody for people whose humor never left the group chat. Unhinged? Obviously.

Who actually wears this?

People who think soda brand loyalty is a personality trait and child safety is negotiable. Your friend who says the worst thing at the barbecue and somehow still gets invited back.

If your love for Coca-Cola borders on criminal, this is your uniform. The Dropkick series is one of our biggest lines for a reason. People see it, they get it, they want one for every brand they'd commit a minor felony over.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real shirt, not a see-through napkin
• Unisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL (yes, even the big soda enthusiasts are covered)
• Classic crew neck because we're unhinged, not experimental
• DTG-printed graphic that holds its color wash after wash, no cracking or peeling
• No, you can't actually dropkick children. But you can look like you'd consider it.

Is this actually a good gift?

Yes. It's the funniest thing you can hand a Coca-Cola fan who doesn't scare easily.

Dark humor lovers, meme-fluent coworkers, the friend who always takes the joke one step too far. If you know someone who'd read "I Would Dropkick A Child For A Coca Cola" and immediately say "where do I buy this," you already know this is the move. Birthday, holiday, gag gift exchange, whatever. It lands.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is the I Would Dropkick A Child For A Coca Cola shirt true to size?

It runs unisex relaxed fit. If you want it fitted, go with your normal size. If you want that oversized look, size up one.

Will this shirt get me in trouble?

That depends entirely on where you wear it and how fast you can run. We've seen everything from laughs to horrified double takes. Wear at your own risk.

What's the print quality like?

DTG printed directly into the fabric. The colors won't crack, peel, or fade into a sad ghost of themselves after a few washes.

Can I return it if my family disowns me?

We have a return policy, but we can't return your family's respect. Check our return page for the details.

Does this come in kids' sizes?

No. And given the subject matter, that's probably for the best.