I Would Dropkick A Child For A Coke Zero Sweatshirt

The "I Would Dropkick A Child For A Coke Zero" sweatshirt from Unethical Threads says what every Coke Zero loyalist has thought but never had the nerve to put on clothing. Heavyweight, cozy, and completely unhinged. Children: consider yourselves on notice.

Who actually wears this?

People who have strong opinions about artificial sweeteners and weak opinions about other people's children.

Coke Zero fans are a specific breed. You didn't choose the zero-sugar life, the zero-sugar life chose you, and now you're willing to commit light felonies to protect it. This sweatshirt just makes that energy official.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like getting a hug from someone with questionable morals
• Unisex relaxed fit, S to 4XL, because Coke Zero devotion comes in every size
• Crew neck, because you're unhinged, not a V-neck person
• DTG printed directly into the fabric so colors stay vivid through countless washes and judgmental stares

Is this actually a good gift?

It's a perfect gift for anyone who's ever said "I could never go back to regular Coke" with a little too much intensity.

Birthday, Christmas, or just a random Tuesday where you want to remind someone you understand them on a molecular level. If they drink Coke Zero, they'll love it. If they don't, you bought a gift for the wrong person.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this sweatshirt run true to size?

Yes. It's a relaxed unisex fit. If you're between sizes, go with your usual. It's pre-shrunk so what you get is what you keep.

Will the print crack or fade?

No. It's DTG printed directly into the fabric, so it holds up wash after wash without cracking, peeling, or losing its nerve.

Will this offend people?

Almost certainly. That's the whole point. If you need a sweatshirt that plays it safe, we have absolutely nothing for you.

Can I wear this around actual children?

You can. Whether you should is between you and whatever's left of your conscience.

What sizes do you carry?

S through 4XL. Coke Zero loyalty has no size limit.