I Would Dropkick A Child For A Jose Cuervo Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child For A Jose Cuervo Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like. A heavyweight cotton tee for people who love tequila more than they love other people's children. Front-print, unisex, sizes S to 4XL.

Who Actually Wears This?

People who order Cuervo neat and don't flinch.

This isn't for someone who "occasionally enjoys a marg." It's for the person with a bottle permanently on the counter, who considers lime wedges a food group, and who has genuinely done the math on this shirt's premise and landed firmly on the tequila side.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like a real shirt, not some paper-thin bar promo freebie
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S to 4XL, because Cuervo doesn't discriminate
• Crew neck, short sleeve. The classics. Nothing weird going on here.
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print so the colors hold up even after your fourteenth regret-fueled Sunday laundry
• Front print. Everyone reads it immediately. That's the whole point.

Does This Actually Make a Good Gift?

If you know the person, absolutely.

If they've ever said "I'd kill for a shot of Cuervo" with a little too much sincerity, this is basically a love letter. Skip this for office Secret Santa unless your HR department has a sense of humor (they don't).

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this run true to size?

Yes. Unisex relaxed fit, true to size. Order your normal size.

What's the print quality like?

DTG (direct-to-garment) printed, not a cheap iron-on. The design won't crack, peel, or fade in the wash.

Will this get me kicked out of places?

Depends on the place. It gets laughs at bars and side-eyes at brunch. Both count as wins.

Is it only available in black?

Yes. This joke only works on black.

Can I wear this around kids?

Technically yes. Strategically, maybe read the room.