I Would Dropkick A Child For A Pickle Tee (BACKPRINT)

The I Would Dropkick A Child For A Pickle tee is an Unethical Threads backprint for people whose pickle obsession has entered felony territory. It says what you're already thinking at every cookout, deli counter, and family reunion. Heavyweight cotton, no apologies.

Who Actually Wears This?

People whose love language is pickles and whose sense of humor has HR concerned.

If you've ever eaten a pickle like it owed you money, or said something in a group chat that got you temporarily muted, this is your shirt. You already know who you are.

• Heavyweight cotton that can take a beating, unlike the hypothetical child
• Unisex relaxed fit from S to 4XL
• Crew neck, because we're chaotic but not animals
• DTG printed for color that outlasts your reputation
• Backprint design so everyone behind you knows where you stand on the pickle issue

Will This Get Me in Trouble?

Depends entirely on where you wear it.

Will someone at the grocery store give you a look? Probably. Will your pickle-obsessed friend think it's the greatest thing they've ever received? Absolutely. The backprint means you won't even see the reactions, which is honestly the best part.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this really say "dropkick a child" on it?

Yes. The full text is printed on the back of the shirt. If you're wondering whether you can wear it to work, you already know the answer.

What sizes are available?

S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Is the design on the front or back?

It's a backprint. The design goes on the back of the shirt so everyone behind you can appreciate your priorities.

Will this shrink?

It's heavyweight cotton. Wash cold, tumble dry low, and it'll hold up fine.

Is this a good gift for a pickle lover?

It's the only gift for a pickle lover. If they don't already own this shirt, you're doing them a favor.