I Would Dropkick A Child Into A Xmas Tree For Cigarette Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child Into A Xmas Tree For Cigarette tee is Unethical Threads at peak holiday form. Marlboro aesthetic meets Christmas chaos on heavyweight cotton. If your ideal holiday outfit makes your mother sigh and your cousins laugh, you found it.

Who's actually wearing this?

People whose group chat would appreciate the honesty.

The Dropkick series is one of our most popular (and most unhinged) collections, and this Christmas version goes especially hard at holiday gatherings. You're not trying to be shocking. You just think dropkicking a child into a Christmas tree for a cigarette is an objectively funny sentence, and you want that on a shirt.

• Heavyweight cotton that feels like an actual garment, not a napkin with sleeves
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL
• Crew neck (you're dropkicking hypothetical children, not attending a yacht party)
• DTG printed so the colors don't bail on you after a few washes
• Marlboro-inspired layout that your aunt will stare at for an uncomfortable amount of time

Is this a good Christmas gift?

Absolutely, for the right person.

You know the friend who sends you memes at 2 AM and has never once apologized for their sense of humor? This is their shirt. If the person you're shopping for would laugh before they even finished reading the title, go for it. If they'd report you to HR, maybe stick with a candle.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does this come in?
S through 4XL, unisex relaxed fit. Runs comfortable on everyone.

Will the print crack or fade?
No. It's DTG printed (direct to garment), so the ink is in the fabric, not sitting on top. Wash inside out on cold and it stays sharp.

Is this shirt thick or thin?
Heavyweight cotton. It has real structure, not that paper-thin see-through situation.

Is the Dropkick series a whole collection?
Yes. Unethical Threads has a full Dropkick lineup. This one just happens to combine Christmas trees, children, and cigarettes.

Can I wear this to a holiday party?
You can wear it anywhere you're prepared to be the funniest person in the room. Holiday party, ugly sweater contest, family dinner. Your call.