I Would Dropkick A Child For A Newport Hoodie

The I Would Dropkick A Child For A Newport hoodie is exactly what it sounds like. Unethical Threads made this for the smoker who has priorities and isn't afraid to state them on a pullover. If you know, you know.

Who actually wears this?

People who've been asked to share a Newport and chose violence. Look, if you smoke Newports, you already have a personality. This hoodie just confirms it in writing. It's the kind of thing you throw on for a gas station run at 2 AM and the cashier nods in respect.

• Heavyweight cotton that actually feels like a real hoodie, not a tissue with sleeves
• Unisex relaxed fit, sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck pullover, no zipper drama
• DTG (direct-to-garment) print so the colors stay loud through every wash cycle
• Yes, the front pocket fits a pack

Is this actually a good gift?

Absolutely. If you know someone who'd rather fight a toddler than go without their Newports, this is their hoodie. It works for birthdays, white elephant exchanges, or just because you saw it and immediately thought of that one friend. You know the one.

Frequently Asked Questions

What sizes does the Dropkick A Child For A Newport hoodie come in?
It runs S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Will the print fade after washing?
It's DTG printed, which means the ink is embedded in the fabric, not sitting on top. Wash inside out on cold and it'll hold up.

Is this hoodie thick or thin?
Heavyweight cotton. This isn't some flimsy fast-fashion pullover. It has actual weight to it.

Can I actually wear this in public?
That's between you and whatever social consequences you're comfortable with. We just make the hoodie.

Is this affiliated with Newport cigarettes?
No. Unethical Threads is not affiliated with Newport or any tobacco company. This is parody humor apparel.