I Would Dropkick A Child Newport Tee

The I Would Dropkick A Child Newport tee from Unethical Threads is for people who take their cigarettes seriously and their impulse control less so. It says what you're thinking every time someone stands between you and the gas station counter. Heavyweight cotton, because your priorities might be questionable but your wardrobe shouldn't be.

Who actually wears this?

Nicotine enthusiasts with a dark sense of humor and absolutely no filter.

This is part of the Dropkick series, which is basically a personality test in t-shirt form. If you've ever mentally ranked which minor inconveniences you'd get violent over, congratulations, you found your uniform. Pairs well with gas station coffee and questionable life decisions.

• Heavyweight cotton that can survive your lifestyle, somehow
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL
• Crew neck, because you're unhinged, not a V-neck person
• DTG printed, so the graphic stays loud even after you've mellowed out
• Machine washable. Your shirt recovers from nights out even if you don't.

Is this actually a good gift?

One of the best, honestly.

If you know someone who smokes Newports and finds hypothetical child violence funny (you definitely know at least three of these people), this is the move. The relaxed fit means you don't need their exact measurements. It tells them you understand their whole personality, which is way more meaningful than a gift card.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does this shirt run true to size?
It's a relaxed unisex fit. Most people stick with their usual size and it works. If you want it oversized, go up one.

Will the print crack or fade?
No. It's DTG printed, meaning the ink bonds into the fabric instead of sitting on top. It stays sharp through the wash.

Is this really about Newport cigarettes?
Yes. It's about the lengths you'd theoretically go to for a pack. We said theoretically.

Can I actually give this as a gift?
Absolutely. Relaxed unisex fit means you don't need exact sizing, and if the person smokes Newports, they're going to love it.