Iced Coffee Powered F*ck Machine Tee

The Iced Coffee Powered Machine Tee from Unethical Threads is exactly what it sounds like, minus the filter. The full graphic reads "Iced Coffee Powered Fuck Machine." Heavyweight cotton, DTG printed, for the kind of person who treats iced coffee like a blood type.

Who actually wears this?

People who order iced coffee when it's 12 degrees outside. The ones whose love language is "leave me alone until I've had my coffee."

If you've ever described yourself as "caffeinated" like it's a personality trait, this shirt already belongs to you. It's not aspirational. It's diagnostic.

• Heavyweight cotton that doesn't go see-through after two washes. You're welcome.
• Unisex relaxed fit, S through 4XL. Caffeine addiction doesn't discriminate and neither does the sizing.
• Crew neck. Classic. No surprises. The graphic handles those.
• DTG printed so the ink bonds into the fabric. Stays sharp, not cracked and peeling like your composure before that first iced coffee.

Is this actually a good gift?

If the person you're buying for has an iced coffee in every photo, yes. Without question.

This is the gift that says "I know exactly who you are and I'm not even a little sorry about it." Works for birthdays, holidays, or just a random Tuesday when you see it and immediately think of someone specific. You already know who.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does the shirt actually say?

The full text reads "Iced Coffee Powered Fuck Machine." We clean it up for search listings, but the shirt holds nothing back.

What sizes are available?

S through 4XL in a unisex relaxed fit. Check the size chart if you're between sizes.

Will the print crack or peel?

No. DTG printing bonds the ink directly into the fabric. It fades about as fast as your motivation on a Monday without coffee.

Is this appropriate for work?

That depends entirely on where you work. If your office has a swear jar, budget accordingly.

Will this shrink?

Cold wash, tumble dry low, and it keeps its shape. Heavyweight cotton, not tissue paper.