I'd Hate To Be A Fish Because I Couldn't Drink Or Smoke Cigs Tee (BACKPRINT)

The I'd Hate To Be A Fish Because I Couldn't Drink Or Smoke Cigs tee from Unethical Threads is five lines of airtight logic printed across the back of a heavyweight cotton shirt. A man considered the entire fish experience, weighed it against exactly two hobbies, and rendered his final verdict.

Who wears a shirt about fish and cigarettes?

People who have also evaluated being a fish and arrived at the same conclusion.

The kind of person who has deeply held opinions about things that do not matter and will share them unprompted. This shirt lives on the back, so you don't even have to be facing someone to give them something to think about. It's an unsolicited thesis statement delivered to whoever is walking behind you, who absolutely did not ask.

• Heavyweight cotton that doesn't go see-through after three washes
• Unisex relaxed fit in sizes S through 4XL
• Crew neck. Classic. Nothing weird going on up top
• DTG printed so the text stays put instead of cracking and peeling like a philosophy that can't survive scrutiny
• Available in black or white, because those are the only two moods

Does this work as a gift?

If the person you're shopping for has ever said something profoundly stupid with total confidence, yes.

This is a shirt for people who commit to a bit. It's also a low-effort gift that looks like a high-effort gift, which is the best kind. Nobody needs to know you spent four minutes picking it out.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is the design on the front or the back?
The design is printed on the back of the shirt. The front is blank.

What sizes does this come in?
S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, and 4XL. Unisex relaxed fit.

Is this shirt available in other colors?
It comes in black or white. That's the lineup.

Will the print crack or fade?
DTG printing bonds the ink into the fabric. No cracking, no peeling.

What's the shirt made of?
Heavyweight cotton. Feels substantial, not flimsy.